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Any New Jokes


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  • 2 weeks later...

Grandma and grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.


When grandpa found a bottle of viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.


The son replied, "I don't know if you should, dad. They're strong and expensive."


"How much?" asked Grandpa.


"Ten bucks a pill," answered the son.


"No problem," said Grandpa, "I'll try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."


The next day, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called his father and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110."


"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from grandma."




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Sick Leave


I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.


My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off.


A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?'

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.'

I jumped down and walked out of the office....


When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,'..

And where do you think you're going....



She said, 'I'm going home, too. You can't possibly expect me to work in the dark!


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An elderly man and woman, both in their 70's, walk into a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'


The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'


The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees.




When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.' He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says good bye.


A week later the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again.

The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.


This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment,

has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.


Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $98. The Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from Medicare.

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Driver's License


A mother is driving her little girl to her friend's house for a play date.


' Mommy ,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'


'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'


'OK', the little girl says,

'How much do you weigh?'


'Now really,' the mother says,

'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'


Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'


'That's enough questions, young lady! Honestly!'


The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.


' My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.


'Well,' says the friend,

'all you need to do is look at her driver's license..

It's like a report card, it has everything on it.'


Later that night the little girl says to her mother,

'I know how old you are. You are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks,

'How did you find that out?


'I also know that you weigh 130 pounds.'


The mother is past surprised and shocked now.

'How in Heaven's name did you find that out?'


'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,

'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'


'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?'


'Because you got an F in sex.'


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