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When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up;

what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning


Uphill... barefoot... BOTH ways


Yadda, yadda, yadda


And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!


But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy!

I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!


And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!


I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!


There was no email!!

We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen!


Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox

and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!


Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us.

As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission

to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!


There were no MP3' s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music,

you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself!


Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio

and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!


There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.

We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape

would come undone...cause that's how we rolled, dig?


We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting!

If you were on the phone and somebody else

called they got a busy signal, that's it!


And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either!

When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school,

your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent,

you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!


We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution

3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'.

Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!

And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!

And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder

and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!


You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

You were screwed when it came to channel surfing!

You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on

Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?!

We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

(And some of us who are a little bit older didn't even have TV!)



And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat

something up we had to use the stove ... imagine that!



That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy.

You're spoiled.

You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!



The over 30 Crowd


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A woman sitting in an Adelaide Pub suddenly began to choke.


After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Bluey and Bazza sitting at the next table turned to look at her.


"Can ya swaller?" asked Bluey.


The woman signalled No!, desperately shaking her head.


"Kin ya breathe?" asked Bazza.. The woman shook her head No!!!


Bluey walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her butt.


This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.


Bluey swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.


Bazza said in admiration, "Ya know Bluey, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it."



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Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh:


His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes------------------------------- Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh

His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle ------------------------------------- Can't Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh

The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh

The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh

And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh


I saw you smiling . . . there ya Gogh!



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It has to be a joke surely


A Well-Planned Retirement


(from The London Times)






Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England , there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars £1 (about $1.40) and coaches £5 (about $7). This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.




"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant . . . "




"Err . . no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."



"Err . . . no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"




"Err . . no!" insisted the Council.




Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (presumably), is a man who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at £400 (about $560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over £3.6 million ($7 million - or $280,000 every year for 25 years)!




And no one even knows his name.

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I see those 'no name' parking boys all over the city insisting we pay them to attend to a restaurant/pub/shop whatever - typically 20bt, but lately 30bt is pushing it!


Amazing how all day parking those same spots on or along the 'soi' is completely free, but come night suddenly those boys want cash - guess they need to finance those fancy 'lights' they wave all night :rolleyes: freakin useless really!


But sure if they can retire nicely in Bali, Laos wherever good on them ;)


BTW Mekong good'one :up:

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Amazing how all day parking those same spots on or along the 'soi' is completely free, but come night suddenly those boys want cash - guess they need to finance those fancy 'lights' they wave all night freakin useless really!


They do that in LA as well. The valet firms go so far as to steal 'no parking' signs from other locations and put them up on the street in front of the establishment, then use those spaces.

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