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Any New Jokes


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Snow White, Superman and Pinnochio are walking along a road when they see a sign: Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.

"I am entering!" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and the others ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"

"First Place" said Snow White.


They continue walking and they see another sign: Contest for the strongest man in the world.

"I am entering" says Superman.

After half an hour, he returns and the others ask him, "How did you make out?"

"First Place" answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"


They continue walking when they see a final sign: Contest! Who is the greatest LIAR in the world?

Pinocchio enters.

After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened??" the others asked.

Despondent Pinocchio replies, "Who the hell is THAKSIN?"

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A gay guy was visiting the zoo. When he entered the monkey house, he found himself at the gorilla cage. A gorilla was sitting there with a huge hard on.


Impressed, the guy reached in to feel it.


As soon as his arm went into the cage, the gorilla grabbed him, pulled him into the cage, slammed him to the floor and then buggered him senseless.


A few days later, a friend heard the news and visited him at the hospital. He asked if he was hurt.


"Hurt? Hurt? You bet I'm hurt! He hasn't phoned. He hasn't written..."






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  • 2 weeks later...

(post moved to ANY NEW JOKES)


12/29/09 02:46 PM - Post#818777


In response to Flashermac - Useful banana thread


Flashermac Said:A Peace Corps gal told us she used Polish sausages. Afterwards, she'd cook them and give them to her dog. We couldn't believe she told us that!









A mother caught her daughter with a cucumber..."what is that for!?" she yelled the daughter replied "...this cucumber has been my husband for the last 3 days..." The mother said "...well consider yourself divorced, tonight we are having salad!"



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Wee Irish boy crying by the side of the road.


A man asks "What's wrong?"


Boy says "Me Ma is dead."


"Oh bejaysus" the man says "Do you want me to get Father O’Riley?â€Â


Wee boy replies “No thanks Mister, sex is the last ting on me moind roight now."

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…and one for the Ladies!


Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.


They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the "Clitaurus."


It comes in pink, and the average male thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.

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It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do.


All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.


Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly, can leave early today."


Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."


Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."


Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."


Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.


Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."


Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."


Johnny is even madder than before.


Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you'?"


Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."


Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."


Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.


When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"


The teacher turns around: "Now who said that?"


Johnny: "Tiger Woods. Can I go now?"

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