Any New Jokes

[Hamokhamok]

Leaking Cocks

[Hamokhamok]

Shhhhhhhhhh its a secret

[Hamokhamok]

This is a well known cure for migraine.

 

Has anyone tried it out ??

 

[sorry, no pictures with nudity allowed on the board - KS]

Edited March 7, 2010 by Guest

[Hamokhamok]

 

 

Your friendly football supporter.

[Hamokhamok]

How to be cruel to old guys:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AARP Eye Chart

[Hamokhamok]

 

 

Waiting

[Hamokhamok]

[color:red]HOSPITAL[/color]

 

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.

 

"Oh my GOD!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

 

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

 

"Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

 

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed,

 

"Oh my GOD! How can THAT be justified?

 

Again the doctor spoke very calmly:

 

"Same illness, but he has Private Health Insurance."

[Hamokhamok]

God said to Adam,

 

'I want you to do Something for Me.'

 

Adam said, 'Gladly, Lord, what do You Want me to do?'

 

God said, 'Go down Into that valley.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a Valley?'

 

God explained it to Him. Then God said, 'Cross the river.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a River?'

 

God explained that To him, and then said, 'Go over to the hill....'

 

Adam said, 'What is a Hill?'

 

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

 

He told Adam , 'On The other side of the Hill you will find a Cave.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a Cave?'

 

After God explained, He said, 'In the cave You will find a woman.'

 

Adam said, 'What's a Woman?'

 

So God explained That to him, too.

 

Then, God said, 'I Want you to Reproduce.'

 

Adam said, 'How do I do that?'

 

God first said (under His breath), 'Geez.....'

 

And then, just like Everything else, God explained that to Adam , as well.

 

So, Adam goes down Into the valley,

 

Across the river, and Over the hill, into the Cave, and finds the Woman.

 

Then, in about five Minutes, he was back.

 

God, His patience Wearing thin, said Angrily, 'What is it now?'

 

And Adam said....

 

*

 

*

 

(YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!)

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

'What's a headache?

[Hamokhamok]

[color:green]A FEW JOKES TO KEEP YOU GOING[/color]

 

 

Nicoderm Patch

 

Two priests are in a Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them looks at the other one's penis and notices there's a Nicoderm patch on it. He looks at the other priest and says, "I believe you're supposed to put that patch on your arm or shoulder, not your penis."

 

The other one replies, "It's working just fine right there. I'm down to two butts a day.

 

IF YOU LAUGHED.... YOU'RE GOING STRAIGHT TO hel_l!

=======================================================================================================

 

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London, one took a window seat, and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, an American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, I need to get up and get a coke.

Don't get up said the American, I'm in the aisle seat. I'll get it for you.

 

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and spat in it.

 

When he returned with the coke, the other Arab said, That looks good, I'd really like one, too.

 

Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone, the other Arab picked up his other shoe and spat in it.

 

When the American returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

 

 

As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his

 

Shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

 

"Why does it have to be this way"; he asked.

 

"How long must this go on?"

 

"This fighting between our nations?"

 

"This hatred?"

 

"This animosity?"

 

"This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

... A three-year-old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom," he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet."

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The day after his wife disappeared in a boating accident, an Ocean City man answered his door to find two grim-faced Maryland State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Rice, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

 

Tell me! Did you find her?" Rice shouted.

 

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

 

Fearing the worst, an ashen Rice said, "Give me the bad news first."

 

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in the water near the Rte 90 Bridge."

 

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Rice. Swallowing hard, he asked, What's the good news?"

 

The trooper continued. "When we pulled her up she had 18 good-size blue crabs

on her."

 

Stunned, Mr. Rice demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

 

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow".

 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in a small town in West Texas. He

sits at the counter and notices an older cowboy with his arms folded staring

blankly at a bowl of chilli.

 

After about 15 minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy

bravely asks, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do"?

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his

best cowboy manner states "Nah, Go ahead"

 

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place

and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom

and notices a rotten dead rat in the chili. The sight was shocking and he

immediately pukes up the chilli into the bowl.

 

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too"

 

==============================================================================

 

I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 mph over the speed limit), I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a bridge. Naturally, he pulled over, walked up to the car and asked me, "What's the hurry?"

 

I replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah?" said the cop. "What do you do?"

 

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

 

The cop said, "What? A rectum stretcher? What does a rectum stretcher DO?"

 

I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand. Then I work until I can get both hands in there, and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."

 

The cop asked me, "What the heck do you do with a 6 foot rectum?"

 

I replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a bridge…"

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

I have a mate whose name is Jim

i just love to throw tomatoes at him.

Tomatoes are soft and don't hurt the skin

but these fcukers do as they're still in the tin

 

[Hamokhamok]

 

 

Boy: " I've got a cat"

Girl: " I've got two cats"

Boy " Well I've got three dogs"

Girl. " So. I've got four dogs"

Boy " I've got seven gold fish"

Girl. HM. " I got ten goldfish"

Boy pulls down his trousers. " Well. I got one of these"

Girl pulls down her knickers. " And I got one of these. And with one of these I can get as many of them as I want"