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Cough Syrup

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The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against wall.

The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

 

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.

I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

 

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

 

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

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1. Joe says to Paddy,

"Close your curtains the next time you're having sex with your wife.

The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."

Paddy says,

"Well the joke's on them, ‘cos Oi wasn't even at home yesterday."

 

2. Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked and

playing with himself in front of a tractor.

Mick says,

"Jaysus Paddy, what’re ye doing?"

Paddy says,

"Well me and Mary haven't been gettin’ on in the bedroom lately & the

therapist recommended Oi do something sexy to attracter.....â€

 

3. Paddy says to Mick,

“Oi'm ready for a holiday, only this year Oi'm going to do it a bit different.

T’ree years ago Oi went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. Two years ago

Oi went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year Oi went to Majorca and

Mary got pregnant.â€

Mick asks,

“So what are you going to do this year?â€

Paddy replies,

“Oi'll take her wit’ me!"

 

4. Paddy goes to America for the 1st time, walking up 5th Avenue . He

sees a building on fire and rushes over to see people stuck at the

4th floor windows.

He shouts up,

“Oi'm Paddy-John Dara O'Neill, the Oirish rugby player! Jump and Oi'll

catch ye’sâ€. A girl jumps out and Paddy catches her, a guy jumps and Paddy

gets him too. Then a black guy jumps and Paddy lets him hit the concrete,

then shouts up,

“Come on now folks, there's no point t’rowin down the burnt ones!!

 

5. Paddy says to Mick,

"Christmas is on a Friday this year."

Mick says,

"Let's hope it's not the 13th."

 

6. Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police station.

Mick:

"What if one explodes, before we get there?"

Paddy:

"We'll lie and say we only found two."

 

7. Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him,

"Did you find the shampoo?"

Paddy says,

"Yes but it's for dry hair and Oi’ve just feckin’ wet mine."

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