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While hiking along the white cliffs of Dover this morning I noticed a Muslim extremist slip from the cliffs and fall into the English Channel.


He was struggling to stay afloat because of all the explosives he had been carrying. If he didn't get help he'd surely drown.


Being a responsible Brit, and abiding by the law of the land that requires you to help those in distress, I informed Kent Police and the Home Office.


It is now 4 p.m., he has drowned, and neither authority has yet responded.


I'm starting to think I wasted two stamps.

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A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.


"I afraid I don't have a husband" she replied "O.K. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.


"No, no boyfriend either."


"Do you have a partner then?"


"No, I`m not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."


After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman.


"You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."


"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn film. The lead man was black."


"Oh, I`m very sorry," says the midwife, "that’s really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."


"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in the movie was this Swedish guy."


"Oh, I`m sorry," the midwife repeats, "that’s really none of my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted Eyes."


"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."


At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt.


The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Thank god for that!"


"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.


"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark".

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