Any New Jokes

[Flashermac]

[Flashermac]

[BelgianBoy]

A guy walks into a tattoo shop and wants a Ferrari tattood on his dick.

 

"cool" says the tattoo artist "ÿour girlfriend will be pleased"

 

"No" replies the guy, "I'm gay, its for my boyfriend"

 

"Then how about I also tattoo a tractor on your balls then ....?" ask the tattoo artist ?

 

"why would that be needed for ?" asks the guy.....

 

"well you'll need it to pull the Ferrari out of the shit".......

 

BB

[The_Munchmaster]

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy shop, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon.

 

He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.

 

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

 

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it. It tasted unpleasant.

 

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

 

"No, not at all," says the chemist, pulling a face.

 

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy. "The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

[Hamokhamok]

One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...

Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny?

Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon...

Teacher : Wow !! what a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?

Johnny : No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning..

[Hamokhamok]

TEST YOUR MOUSE:

 

When the test opens, just point your Mouse at any of the three pictures to determine if it's working properly.

 

This is a free public service!

 

 

http://www.randyhanshaw.com/Humor/HTML/Flashers.htm

[Hamokhamok]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married....

 

If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of

Humour.

 

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'

I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.

Around 3 a..m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

 

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up

And cuckooed 3 times.

 

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another

9 times.

 

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted

Solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

 

(Even when totally smashed.... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos

MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him

'MIDNIGHT'... He didn't seem pissed off in the least.

 

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo

Clock.'

 

When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed

Three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its

Throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then

Tripped over the coffee table and farted.

[Hamokhamok]

Tax

 

A man who had been called to testify at the Income Tax Department

asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest

clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

 

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite

advice. "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

 

Confused, the man went to his priest, told him of the conflicting

advice, and requested some resolution on the dilemma.

 

"Let me tell you a story," replied the priest. "A woman, about to be

married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a

heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.'

But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear

your most revealing negligee, a nice V-neck.' "

 

Confused, the man asked, "What does all this have to do with my

problem with the Income Tax Department?"

 

"Simple," replied the Priest. "It doesn't matter what you wear,

you're gonna get screwed anyway."

[Hamokhamok]

Sex With an Illegal Immigrant

 

 

 

An illegal immigrant picks up a hooker in Soho .

 

 

"Hey, how much you charge for da hour, sister?"

he asks.

 

 

"£100,"

she replies.

 

 

In broken English, he says,

"Do you do immigrant style?"

 

 

"No"

she says.

 

 

"I pay you £200 to do immigrant style."

 

 

"No,"

she says, not knowing what immigrant style is.

 

 

"I pay you £300."

 

 

"No,"

she says.

"I pay you £400."

 

"No,"

she says.

 

So finally he says,

"OK, I pay £1,000 to do immigrant style."

 

 

She thinks,

"Well, I've been in the game for over 10 years now.

I've had every kind of request from weirdoes

from every part of the world.

How bad could immigrant style be?"

 

 

So she agrees and has sex with him.

Finally, after several hours, they finish.

 

Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says,

"Hey, I was expecting something

perverted and disgusting. But that was good.

So, what exactly is immigrant style?"

 

 

The illegal immigrant replies,

"You send bill to the Government."

 

 

 

AND THAT, MY FRIENDLY FELLOW TAXPAYERS,

IS EXACTLY HOW THE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS ARE SCREWING US!

[kamui]