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Complete and Finished

 

 

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

 

In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by supposedly the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

 

The final question was:

 

How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand.

 

Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer...

 

When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.

When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED,

and when the right one catches you with the wrong one,

you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!

 

He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old rum.
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Politically (in)correct in Australia

 

A guy gets a call from the police telling him his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, “I can’t believe they fucked my wife after only five cans!â€

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Got this text from my brother recently. It read. “Can I stay at your house for a while? My missus kicked me out after she caught me measuring my cock. It just reaches the back of her sister’s throat!â€

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Sorry for not calling you on New Year’s, I just got out of jail.. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this bloke at a party. In my defence….. when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

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I saw a fortune teller the other day. She told me I would come into some money. Last night I rooted a Sheila called Penny – spooky or what?

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The missus asked me, “When you’re on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?†Apparently “Only to stop myself coming too quickly†wasn’t the right answer.

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My wife is pissed off with me again. I crept into the bedroom last night and swapped her tampon for a party popper. No sense of humour.

 

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I'm about to take part in the Great Bankstown Run. It's not an official race, You just stand in the city centre & shout "Allah is a Fuckwit" & then off we go....

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A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Australia so that they can get back to seeing their own doctor.

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I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller. Apparently " A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way to call no 69

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I've just fitted strobe lights in the bedroom. . . . . .It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

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Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them, they said it would be just like winning the lottery! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

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A Muslim has died whilst training to be a skydiver. The BNP School of Diving said they had no idea why his snorkel and flippers did not open.

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Such an unfair world:- When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its $10.50/min (charges may vary).

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Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's crap at snooker.

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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today. Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new Taser!

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Got a new Jack Russell pup today, he's mainly black and brown with just a small white area. I've called him Bankstown.

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If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine 'flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's spam.

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They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 1 minute and 15 seconds every 6 months is going to shift this beer belly

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So that your education might now be considered more complete, allow me to offer the following……………

 

Yet another historical fact.

 

 

A call girl from Sardinia named Gedophamee was attending a great but as yet unnamed athletic festival 2500 years ago in Greece. In those days, the athletes performed naked.

 

To prevent unwanted arousal while competing, the men imbibed freely on drink containing saltpeter before and throughout the variety of events.

At the opening ceremonial parade, Gedophamee observed the first wave of naked magnificent males marching toward her and she exclaimed:

"OH!! Limp pricks!"

 

 

 

Over the next two and a half millenni
a,
that morphed into " Olympics".

 

Just thought I'd share this new found knowledge with you.

You're very welcome...

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TWO COWS

 

SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour

 

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

 

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk

 

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

 

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then

throws the milk away

 

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy

grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

 

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption

for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

 

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

 

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to

produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why

the cow has dropped dead.

 

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,

dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.

 

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three

cows.

 

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce

twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and

market it worldwide.

 

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows,

but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

 

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

 

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

 

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

 

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

 

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

 

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

 

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive...

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Not really a joke.

This is worth a look. Remember this next time you are driving close to a truck with oxy bottles in the back.

Just click on the link below and watch the oxy bottles explode

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