Flashermac Posted June 12, 2015 Report Share Posted June 12, 2015 A father walked into a restaurant with his young son. He gave the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy started choking,turning blue in the face. The mam realized his son had swallowed the nickels and started slapping him on the back.The boy coughed up 2 nickels, but kept choking. The father panicked, shouting for help. An attractive, well-dressed woman in a business suit was sitting at the coffee, bar reading a newspaper and sipping her coffee. She looked up, put down her coffee cup, and placed it on it on the counter. Then she got up and walked across the restaurant. She knelt in front of the boy and dropped his trousers. She quickly grabbed his testicles and began squeezing and twisting, gently at first and finally as hard as she could. The boy's eyes got big and he convulsed violently, coughing up the last nickel. The woman walked back to her seat without saying a word. The father rushed over to thanked her. "That was brilliant," he said, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before. Are you a doctor? " "No," she replied, sipping her coffee. "I'm a divorce lawyer." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted June 16, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2015 A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife, “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!†She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.†1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted June 17, 2015 Report Share Posted June 17, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted June 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 19, 2015 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My Penis is hungry Posted June 21, 2015 Report Share Posted June 21, 2015 That was so good! I am doing that on my mum's senile friends every day! United Nations statistics. Statistics recently released from The United Nations reveal that: Australian, Canadian, NZ, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age, will, on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will have sex only once per year. This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted June 22, 2015 Report Share Posted June 22, 2015 Distinction between Guts and Balls To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words, there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?†BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, “You're next, Chubby.†I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death or a hospital stay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coss Posted June 22, 2015 Report Share Posted June 22, 2015 an old joke - religion 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted June 23, 2015 Report Share Posted June 23, 2015 << Remarks by the pope on that same flight comparing the imposition of the homosexual agenda by western countries to indoctrination by the "Hitler Youth" and even his statement to Catholic couples that they can't marry if they aren't open to children, were almost entirely ignored by the media. The media did, however, catch remarks in which, while speaking of "responsible" parenthood, the pope cautioned against Catholics being “like rabbits.†Francis opened with some rather harsh statements about a woman he knows who he said was pregnant with her eighth child after having the first seven by C-section. He said he had “rebuked†her, saying, “But do you want to leave seven orphans? That is to tempt God!†Later during the in-flight interview, Francis returned to the woman, adding, “That is an irresponsibility. That woman might say 'no but I trust in God.' But God gives you methods to be responsible.†>> https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/pope-francis-sorry-for-insulting-large-families Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted June 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tymlms8y-GU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
My Penis is hungry Posted June 24, 2015 Report Share Posted June 24, 2015 He doesn't deserve to have a phone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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