teddy Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual check-up. The doctor asks him how heâ??s feeling. The 80-year-old says, â??Iâ??ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?â? The doctor considers his question for a minute and then begins. â??I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid trophy hunter and never misses a season. One day, when he was going out hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. When he got to the creek, he saw a prime beaver sitting beside the stream of water. He raised his cane and went â??bang, bangâ??. Suddenly, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. What do you think of that?â? The 80-year-old said, â??Iâ??d say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.â? The doctor replied, â??My point exactly.â? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 A doctor in Newfoundland wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant Bill. "Bill, I am going hunting tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Bill. The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: "So, Bill, how was your day?" Bill told him that he took care of three patients. "The first one had a headache so I gave him TYLENOL." "Bravo Mate, and the second one?" asks the doctor. "The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir" says Bill. "Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and what about the third one?" asks the doctor. "Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters. Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra and her panties and lies down on the table, spreading her legs and shouts: 'HELP ME! For five years I have not seen any man!'" "Tunderin' lard aalmighty Bill, what did you do?" asks the doctor. "I put drops in her eyes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted October 3, 2007 Report Share Posted October 3, 2007 He should have just shagged her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, "We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder." The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, "Isn't that just like a blonde! We need the height and she gives us the length." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Three blonde sisters went to a garage sale and bought a Genie lamp and took it home. When they got home the Genie came out and said: "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were more intelligent." So the Genie turned her into redhead. The second blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blonde said, "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So the Genie turned her into a man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Two black guys were walking along a road when they were struck by a police car driven by a drunken cop on his way home from the pub. One guy was thrown through the windscreen and the other was knocked down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering and the second with leaving the scene of an accident. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Munchmaster Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 I was asked to run a marathon. I said, "Piss off". They said "Come on, it's for spastics and blind kids." Then I thought... "F*ck, I could win this." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 The Master is back Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teddy Posted October 4, 2007 Report Share Posted October 4, 2007 Two blondes are walking down the road and they stumble across a mirror, the first one picks it up and looks at it and says "i know the face but cant put a name to it ?" so the second blonde grabs the mirror off her and says "are you stupid its me" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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