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1. ARBITRATOR: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonalds

2. AVOIDABLE: What a bullfighter tries to do

3. BERNADETTE: The act of torching a mortgage

4. BURGLARIZE: What a crook sees with

5. CONTROL: A short, ugly inmate

6. COUNTERFEITERS: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

7. ECLIPSE: What an English barber does for a living

8. EYEDROPPER: A clumsy ophthalmologist

9. HEROES: What a guy in a boat does

10. LEFTBANK: What the robber did when his bag was full of money

11. MISTY: How golfers create divots

12. PARADOX: Two physicians!!

13. PARASITES: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower

14. PHARMACIST: A helper on the farm

15. POLARIZE: What penguins see with

16. PRIMATE: Removing your spouse from in front of the TV!!

17. RELIEF: What trees do in the spring

18. RUBBERNECK: What you do to relax your wife

19. SELFISH: What the owner of a seafood store does

20. SUDAFED: Brought litigation against a government official

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An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked

if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they

didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin

bath in front of the fire.

 

"Monday's the best night, when ma husband goes oot to the darts," she said.

 

The girl agreed to have a bath the followingMonday.

 

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman

filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised

to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to

her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said

"next Monday, when ye go oot to the darts, leave a wee bit early and

wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so ye can

see for yourself."

 

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife

asked: "Dae you shave?"

 

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do

you have hair?"

 

"Oh, aye," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed

the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair

department... very generously indeed.

 

The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

 

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did ye see

it?"

 

"Aye," he said, "but why the hell did ye have to show her yours."

 

"Why ever are ye worried aboot that?" she said. "Ye've seen it often

enough before."

 

"I know," he said, "but the dart team hadn't!"

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Happy hour in Alabama

A redneck is driving a back road in Alabama when he sees a pickup parked alongside the road with a grill next to it. A sign says "Chicken Breasts and Beer."

"Lord Almighty!" He exclaims. "My three favorite things!"

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Whilst having sex the guy suddenly stopped & didn't move.

 

The girlfriend asks "What are you doing?". He said "I've seen this online, it's called buffering".

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Whilst having sex the guy suddenly stopped & didn't move.

 

The girlfriend asks "What are you doing?". He said "I've seen this online, it's called buffering".

I thought I posted this in photo format recently :dunno:

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