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Roger is buying his cousin's used motorcycle.


He says, "My God, it's so shiny! It's like new! What's your secret?"


His cousin says, "Well, any time it's about to rain, I coat the chrome with some Vaseline so it won't tarnish. In fact, I won't be needing this any longer, take my pot."


Roger and his girlfriend are going to her parents' house for dinner for the first time, so he goes to pick her up on the motorcycle. As she's getting on the bike behind him, she says, "Listen, I have to tell you something. My family's a little strange. You can't talk during dinner. If you talk during dinner, you have to do the dishes.


"When they walk into her parents' house, not only in the kitchen, but in the dining room, the living room, on the stairs, the back porch, everywhere, there are piles and piles of dirty dishes. They haven't done the dishes in months.


They sit down to eat, and the whole meal, nobody talks. It's the end of the meal, Roger is getting a little horny, and he figures nobody is going to say anything, so he grabs his girlfriend, and pops her right there on the dining room table.


Nobody says anything. He's still a little horny, and her mother is kind of cute, so he figures, "What the hell?" He throws her mother up on the table and starts to do her. He's just about done with her, when he looks out the window and sees it's starting to rain on his motorcycle.


He reaches into his pocket and takes out the tube of Vaseline.


Her father jumps up and says, "All right, all right, I'll do the fucking dishes."



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Husband wakes at 5 in the morning feeling really horny. He nudges his wife and says, "Honey give me a blow job." His wife replies, "Sweetheart I'm tired, just have a wank in a glass and I'll drink it later."


Can't get them drier than this. Tasteless as hell!


I like it :grinyes:

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Paddy goes into a hardware store and asks the guy behind the counter for a clock, the assistant asks him, 'What type of clock would you like?'


Paddy: 'I'd like one made out of potatoes please'.


Assistant: 'I've never heard of a clock made out of potatoes before, what kind of clock is it? Is it a grandfather clock? An alarm clock? A carriage clock? etc.'.


Paddy: 'It's an alarm clock'.


Assistant: 'I'm sorry sir I've never heard of an alarm clock made out of potatoes'.


Paddy: 'Well you must have one, my boss told me to buy one!'.


Assistant: 'What exactly did your boss say to you?'.


[You need you're best Irish accent for this bit]


Paddy: 'He said that I wouldn't be late for work in the morning if I got a potato clock'.

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