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Any New Jokes


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I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"
I said, "Yeah. You got a pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen."

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches, but....
When you’re over 70.............who cares?
**********
I went to the drugstore and told the clerk, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”
I said, "Nah. She's purty good lookin'."
When you’re over 70.............who cares?
***********
I was talking to a young woman in a bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”
I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”
Cost me a fat lip, but....
When you’re over 70.............who cares? 
**********
I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts.
"Really?" she said.  "Go on, then. Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and said, "Come on. What day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but....
When you’re over 70..............who cares? 
*********
I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you’re over 70.............who cares? 
**********
I went to a bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
When you’re over 70.............who cares?
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16 hours ago, Flashermac said:

That the looniest religion of all is taking over the world?  

That it's joke that people still believe in magic (any magic) in these modern times.

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18 hours ago, Flashermac said:

Better that the fairies that roam in packs on Sukhumwit.

Don't remind me.

A few years ago, I encountered one such group.  One of them was quite persistent: she/he WOULD NOT let go of my wrist.  I finally had to employ a breaklock I learned many years ago.  Done full speed and full power against a resisting opponent, it can break bones.  I did it slowly and gently, which let him/her figure out that he/she could either let go or experience a lot of pain as his/her wrist was bent in ways it was NOT designed to bend.

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