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- There were two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other ''Does this taste funny to you?''

- A woman told her doctor, ''I've got a bad back.'' The doctor said, ''It's old age.'' The woman said ''I want a second opinion.'' The doctor says, ''Okay, you're ugly as well.''

- Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

- The other week I had to share my dressing room with a monkey. The producer came in and said: ''I'm sorry about this.'' I said, ''That's OK.'' He said, ''I wasn't talking to you.''

- I've got the best wife in England: The other one's in Africa.


Tommy Cooper

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On similar lines, but this is true.   MLG wants to send a small parcel to the USA from NZ. OK Wrap it and we're off to the post office. Post it in Mid December. No tracking, too expensive.   After

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