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Any New Jokes


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I do 50 50.

On the one hand, the online gets me cheaper purchase prices, but delivery costs that are pulling the tit.

On the other hand, visiting the store which is easy (traffic/cost/temperature in NZ and Oz), I can get exactly what I want and not have to feel cheated, like when the online order turns out to be, not quite what was advertised.

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Ive been driving for Amazon recently

 

Amazing what people buy

 

Seriously, is a carton of Coke or dunny paper that much cheaper?

 

Nappies must be, 

 

My best delivery?

 

9 packages to a house, 8 of them a mixture of nappies, baby wipes, baby formula etc, 

 

And 1 carton of wine

 

I laughed

 

Mum!

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God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh.
 He inquired, "Where have you been?"

 God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

 Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"

 "It's a planet," replied God, “and I've put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test “Balance.”

 "Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

 God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth.

 "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."

 God continued pointing to different countries.

 "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

 The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"

 "That's Florida, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, it's surrounded by water and days filled with sunshine. The people from Florida are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to travel the world.  They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace and producers of good things."

 Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

 God smiled an all-knowing smile and said, “I will create California. Wait till you see the f&*king idiots I’ll put there."

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