Any New Jokes

[Mekong]

For those who don’t get it

 

[Coss]

[Coss]

movies

[Mekong]

A couple more for the movies list

• It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting
   
• Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it’s the door to a burning building with a child inside
   
• All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
   
• The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
   
• On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard.
   
• All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags. Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill 
•  If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback
   
• Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one
   
• Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
   
• You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
   
• Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.
   
• It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly
   
• Plain or even ugly girls can become movie-star beautiful simply by removing their glasses and letting their hair down
   
• All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her
   
• You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
   
• Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.
   
• In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets
   
• All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties).

[Coss]

 

 

[Palatkik]

[Mekong]

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[My Penis is hungry]

I didn't know modern car batteries had liquid you could open and drink?

 

However a real problem, in Oz at least, is that when getting bogged in the dessert people have been known to drink the radiator water, in the past we even got told that, however today it's full of anti-freeze etc and kills you. Which a number of desperate people have died from 

 

[Mekong]

28 minutes ago, My Penis is hungry said:

I didn't know modern car batteries had liquid you could open and drink?

Define open? 
 Not your old fashioned covers over the plates and hop off with distilled water granted, but batteries still have a vent to allow the Hydrogen gas produced by charging to escape 

if battery is removed and inverted liquid will pour out, just not as much as the old fashioned types