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A young man walked into a bar.. sat down and ordered a drink.


As he started to drink his beer an older fellow came up to him and said, "I licked on your mommaâ??s tits!"


The young man lowered his head and shook it in shame.


Ten minutes later the older fellow came up and said, "I fucked your momma in her mouth!!!"


The young man shook his head again and kept drinking.


Ten more minutes passed and the old fellow came back and said, "I fucked your momma in the ass!"


The young man finally got tired of it and said, "DAMN IT dad go home, you're fucking drunk!"

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One winter morning a couple is listening to the radio over breakfast. They hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. We are asking everyone to park their car on the evennumbered side of the street, so there is room for the snowploughs to get through."


Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.


A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. Today you must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowploughs can get through."


Norman's wife goes out and moves her car to the odd- numbered side.


The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says , "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ..........


Then the power goes out.


Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do! Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowploughs can get through today?"


With the love and understanding in his voice, that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says.


"Darling, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

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For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.


She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.


One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife. "Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today." "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later," he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.


On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce."

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I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.


I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the photo. She had all the right curves in all the right places, beautiful long wavy blonde hair, long graceful legs all the way up. You know the kind.


So I'm in my room and figure, what the heck, I'll give her a call.


"Hello?" the woman says. Wow! She sounded sexy.


"Hi, I hear you give a great massage and I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait; I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. I'm talking kinky the whole night long. You name it, weâ??ll do it. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up, wear a strap on, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything you want baby. Now, how does that sound?"..........


She replied, "That sounds fantastic, but for an outside line you need to press 9."

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Loved those 2 Munchie!


I just read this on another site that has to do with Thailand stuff. Cracked me up. :)


A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she had selected the following items: A half-gallon of 2% milk, A half carton of eggs, A quart of orange juice, A small head of romaine lettuce, A 2-pound can of coffee, And a 1-pound package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.


While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."


The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"


The drunk replied, "'Cause you're ugly."


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