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Snowman71

Miss X update...

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From the plain reading of things it sounds you are desperately trying to settle down and know a Thai Girl never says no when you pop the question! As said said.... from the plain reading of things.... it sounds pretty predictable! You said it yourself, you would be fucked if you'd do the long distance crap, the reason why you would be fucked is because this has absolutely nothing to do with love, it is an arrangement where you are at the giving end!

 

That's what one would understand from the plain reading without knowing anyone of you two!

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I hope you haven't broached the topic of marriage with her already...

 

If you are really head over heels for her, which it sounds like from your post, I'd do a few things. The first thing I'd do is book a vacation, do a few LTs, and see how you feel. I don't think this is a decision you make when you are back home and feeling lonely.

 

The second thing I'd do is look into non-marriage options that accomplish the same goals. I'm not sure what UK laws are but there must be some alternatives for someone like you with a good job.

 

Alternatively, you could just bite the bullet and do the long-distance thing. Just realize that the reason you can't do the long-distance thing is you. You probably get all crazy imagining what she might be up to. I've been there. Well, if you torture yourself like that, I doubt marriage will change that or make things any easier. Honestly, if you can't deal mentally and emotionally with a long-distance relationship, I really don't think you have the emotional maturity to have a successful marriage either. Think of long-distance sponsorship like marriage except non-binding (and probably cheaper).

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If you can't talk to family or mates right now, how's that gonna change in the future when she's in the UK. Maintain the lie?

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My first advise would be that you openly discuss this with the people closest to you. If you are intent on marriage, that is the least you should do.

 

It sounds like as a 36 year old you've started to brood and perhaps you're even enamored by the fact she already has kids.

 

You've met a likely Thai women and it all seems to be slotting nicely into place.

 

Things you are considering are:

 

* do I marry her?

* do I arrange for her and her kids to come to the UK?

 

I don't know anything about UK immigration laws, but I suspect your motivation to marry the girl is based on having her come and live with you in the UK. In this scenario, marrying her would make things easier.

 

The things you *should* be considering are:

 

* What if things don't work out?

* What if she uses her legal right to divorce me?

 

These are the questions you really should be thinking about before committing to marriage.

 

In the meantime, why don't you ponder more innovative solutions?

 

For instance you may be able to arrange a Tourist Visa for her (which may look better on her application ultimately for a residential visa). Why don't you 'try before you buy', at no risk to yourself.

 

I don't know enough about you or your girlfriend to really give you any decent advise. Bear in mind however there are plenty of fish in the sea.

 

Ultimately the decision rests with you - I urge you to consult with your closest about it.

 

My advice would be go ahead with it in careful stages. First a limited visa - then if you're really committed, by all means marry. Seal the deal with a kid, since that's what you want.

 

If she is 28 and has kids - you'll need to take your ego entirely out of this equation. I don't want to offend you, but she is looking fairly hard for someone and with you she's probably hit the jackpot!

 

I'll leave that thought with you, but you should bear in mind that her intentions are most likely mercenary (nothing wrong with that, as long as you are aware of it).

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I don't think this is a decision you make when you are back home and feeling lonely.

 

Perfectly put and that is probably all that should have been said in the entire thread!

 

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Well, some more excellent edvice there, chaps. so, in reply, I suppose, we are definately applying for a Tourist visa first. Probably come over for the whole of July, I'd say and see how that goes.

 

Contrary to how I sound, I'm not any more lonely than any single guy. I have never had any trouble pulling farang women and stunning ones at that (yeah...yeah...we all *think* that !). I'm just bored with them now. I live in a small place and just KNOW that I ain't gonna find anyone long term here now. Too much history, shared partners, hearsay etc etc.

 

Thailand was a breath of frsh air for me. After sampling around 30/40 (mainly overnight LT) Thai birds I met the current one. She was WAY different...still is. It ain't easy but I accept her for what she is. She has always been 100% straight with me, as far as I can tell. Never really hit me for money. As as matter of fact...after 9 weeks on my first trip, she carried me for the last few days.

 

As for concealing her past, I just have to really.

Like I say, I live in a small place where everyone knows everyone. We've got a pretty simple "past story" to spin and she's clever and fluent enough to pull it off.

 

But there's no way I'm doing a me here, her there arrangement...I'm not *that* desperate by no means.

 

Once again...thanks for the food for thought...

 

Snowman71...

 

...PS And NO. Truthfully I haven't made my mind up, even if it appears so. Although it's 99% we'll do the Tourist Visa next month, all things being equal...

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Can I urge you to reconsider concealing her past? I think that's the key to solving your dilemma.

 

If you really do love her than you should be able to rise above any criticism or xenophobic crap you're likely to encounter. But maybe you don't love her?

 

Besides, people being people, are not really that shocked at most things, and in time may actually welcome your innovative outlook on things. Most people love kids, and if you need to win your closest over your work is almost done when you present them with the little tykers.

 

Just be honest - if not it's going to make things unnecessarily difficult in the future. Just be honest now.

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I don't think it helps anyone to be honest about this one... In exchange for peace of mind, he basically ensures that he, the mother, and his kids will forever be subject to prejudice. If I were to marry an ex-hooker, I'd definitely keep that one under wraps.

 

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Can I urge you to reconsider concealing her past? I think that's the key to solving your dilemma.

 

If you really do love her than you should be able to rise above any criticism or xenophobic crap you're likely to encounter. But maybe you don't love her?

 

I think that is a load of crap. You really think it is good to tell your friends that she used to hand out BJ's for 20 quid? What good is that gonna do for her? Really? :rolleyes:

 

If he loves her, the last thing he should do is make her lose gace by telling other people she used to be a prostitute. It's nobody's business anywway.

 

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That sounds like total lunacy to me :confused:

 

If she wasn't an ex hooker but just a very promiscuous girl would you recommend that he comes clean and tells everyone she is a nympho? No you wouldn't. It is nobody's business but their own.

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