Another Sin Sot debate...

[Old Hippie]

"...It's no different if I'd married a British girl in my mind..."

 

Snow dude,

 

Now that you put it that way, it does make a lot of sense. If you figure what the average couple here blows on a wedding, and divide by 2, it is still more than what you gave. Given that most marriages last what 3 years or something? and you already have that many into it, you are even or ahead, so really no difference.

 

Thanks for your input and honesty, and again, the best of luck to you both, and the kids as well!

[Mekong]

MK,

 

I have had the honor and privilidge of meeting your wife a few times...how the hell did you get a woman like that to even look at you let alone marry you? what ever it is, bottle it and sell it you will make millions!

 

Seriously, what you describe sounds similar to what Chinese people do here. A coworker is an ABC, who married a Hong Kong born girl. He said he had the big banquet to meet her family, sat down with the maternal grandmother and sorted it out. He said he did offer gifts and money, but Grandma was happy to see bank statements and stock portfolios as well, just basically happy to know he wasn't broke. I have heard of similar with the higher end Thai families as well.

 

 

OH,

 

I chose to to hide my own personal opinions and predjudice and take a risk, for fux sake I have been banged up in my past for scuttling a fishing boat carrying a large amount (and Bird) of resin on it and only got done for piracy, the time we blew our MDMA fatory up was like a scene from the keystone kops, of course all the pre-cursors were primed.

 

OH, I decided to go straight and use my knowledge over a period over a few years rather than the get rich quick schemes, back home they were on my case and always trying to bust me, and I am a damn sight more relaxed nowadays. I used to love the anti lifestyle because I was better than them and played the chase, it takes a few months in a prison cell to realise that childhood games are a thing of the past and it is time to move on.

 

Been there, done it, a wobbly learning curve, most people learn from their mistakes and most of mine were my own making so I can only blame myself, I have told the Mrs 100% about my previous indiscretions I am not sure if she beleives all I tell her, even my own mother who knows all my scrapes and my mistakes says if I was to write a biog she would not beleive even though she knows the whole story and has stuck by me.

 

OH I grew up, I don't know where and I don't know when, I just thank my lucky stars, see even us ex mongers who are so cynical after having been bitten and been on a wreck on one of any of the Isaan highways can still recover.

 

I am not sure where the crossover point was between being an alcoholic asshole killing myself and nowadays, was it me, was it meeting her, was it the threats? I really don't know. I just hnow I am a lucky SOB and will not let this opportunity pass me by, you only live once and you only die once, I Am woking towards a long retirement before I die and my best friend who now happens to be my wife is steering me on that path.

 

Come on, in an non Gayish way, I am not in that bad of a shape for mid 40'S I am Soberish, thats a start!@

[WorldFun]

Great stories all along thanks

 

Weird, I know a friend who did just like you - paid sin sot, wife's family paid the party (and kept the envelopes!) & then returned the sin sod in full ;-)

 

I think it's the way to go as a nice compromise & I think this may be common in thai-thai weddings also.

 

Basically like in the 'chinese' style it's just for show or lets say proof that the couple have the means to start a life together - away from the family.

 

Cheers & congrats with all the success stories - particulars snowmans very recent one (still think it's a shame no official t360 stag do was held LOL!)

[sidsanuk]

I have no problem with Sin Sot and expected to pay it. Just see it as a cultural thing. It was not a large amount and negotiated between my wife and her Mother. More for face than anything. Mum even offered to give it back after the wedding to pay for the honeymoon.

 

The debate here has been interesting and views will always vary considerably. But I was very disappointed to hear the following view expressed by an American friend on the subject of Sin Sot. He has been stringing a TG along for about 3 years apparently without popping the question of marriage.

 

His view was "It might be their culture, but it is not mine, so I wouldn't pay it"

 

My response. That's fine. Then don't marry a Thai girl if you don't intend to respect her culture!

 

HE was a bit of a wanker and a cheap Charlie to be honest.

[Snowman71]

Being honest about the Thai360 stag do, it was gonna be hard as 99% of my mates don't know abot Miss X's past. Only my best mate and Mother know. And they took to it incredibly well...especially my Moum, bizarrely. Miss x and her are never off the phone now and I'm so glad I was honest to the people that really matter.

 

There's shitloads worse going on in the world than fucking for money out of nescessity, isn't there ?...

 

Snowman71...

[Old Hippie]

"...There's shitloads worse going on in the world than fucking for money out of nescessity, isn't there ?..."

 

Politician, big Business CEO, Military dictator...car salesman...lawyer...

 

Funny story about telling your mom..."a guy I knew" was from a prominent UK family, his bar girl wife is very honest about her former job...the family shunned her a bit, made their comments etc...EXCEPT his grandmother. So one CHristmas they were at the family estate of what ever, and his aunt passed some remark...to with his grandmother (who liked a martini or 5) said "...oh get off your high hawty horse you pompous tart, what do you think your mother and I did during the war when the Yanks were here, by the way love, your father is a Canadian airman..." that pretty much ended it...still married about 10 years now.

[Old Hippie]

"...His view was "It might be their culture, but it is not mine, so I wouldn't pay it"

 

My response. That's fine. Then don't marry a Thai girl if you don't intend to respect her culture! ..."

 

 

To me, culture aside, I consider it an exploitative shake down. Nothing more. The fact that they would work us for a hell of a lot more than they would a Thai man, whether we "can afford it or not," shows how much respect they have for us, and may well indicate future problems. The idea of having to respect someone's culture 100% and NOT having them respect mine also bothers me.

 

I would refuse to pay it, politely, and if it were an issue, and the girl canceled the wedding/marriage because of that, then I would take it as nothing more than a marriage for money, NOT love, and would be perhaps sad it didn't work out, but happy that I avoided future problems.

[Snowman71]

"...There's shitloads worse going on in the world than fucking for money out of nescessity, isn't there ?..."

 

Politician, big Business CEO, Military dictator...car salesman...lawyer...

 

Funny story about telling your mom..."a guy I knew" was from a prominent UK family, his bar girl wife is very honest about her former job...the family shunned her a bit, made their comments etc...EXCEPT his grandmother. So one CHristmas they were at the family estate of what ever, and his aunt passed some remark...to with his grandmother (who liked a martini or 5) said "...oh get off your high hawty horse you pompous tart, what do you think your mother and I did during the war when the Yanks were here, by the way love, your father is a Canadian airman..." that pretty much ended it...still married about 10 years now.

 

Great story. Puts it into the perspective that I suppose you have to have if you intend a long term relationship with a BG / ex BG.

 

I know it's VERY early days but I've never really had any doubts about that what I was doing was the right thing. Other than the usual getting-married-sorta-stuff.

 

Just gotta get through all the Visa bullshit now. Hoping to have her here mid-May...all things being equal...

 

Snowman71..

 

[CTO]

I disagree OH - going rate in the village for Sin Sot for teenagers is 50 - 100 thousand.

 

Nearly backrupt's some families, and is "compulsory" when unmarried couples are found together.

 

Seems kinda funny that the boys are getting into serious financial problems when sometimes not even getting a root out of it.

 

However in the village, it is being used as a money making venture, nice to have daughters they think.

[Old Hippie]

"...is "compulsory" when unmarried couples are found together.

 

Seems kinda funny that the boys are getting into serious financial problems when sometimes not even getting a root out of it.

 

However in the village, it is being used as a money making venture, nice to have daughters they think..."

 

 

Exactly my point, what is the going rate for a worn out bar girl with a kid or 2 marrying a Farang? The numbers I hear usually are 300,00 and up, and usually 3-10bht weight of gold thrown in as well. What is the Sin Sot between Thais if they are NOT caught together?

 

One Thai guy I know gave nothing, but he worked in the father in law's business repairing farm equipment. Which was a good deal, as the F.I.L. has only 1 daughter and no sons, so it could really work out for the guy. Cash wise, I have heard of Sin Sot being around 20,000-100,000 between villagers. Depending on status etc...