Why even bother marrying your girlfriend, seriously!

[rchapstick]

 

I care because I am considering marrying a girl myself. So this isn't just a mindless question posted to the relationship forum as an exercise in proving some mindless point. I asked for guidance and (so sorry) information on other people's relationships, based on their own experience. Sounds like a forum doesn't it? Sounds suspiciously like this could be a relationship forum???

 

By the way, if this was a forum on relationships with Australian girls, I might indeed be in fact asking 'Why marry your Australian girlfriend?'.

 

I suppose I failed to say that I'm sceptical of marriage in general, no matter how much I love the girl.

 

So no, the question isn't aimed at bar girls, and of course only a small fraction of Thai women are whores; the question still stands...

 

From your original post, one would hardly guess that you are considering marriage.

 

After reading your original post, you seem to be qualifying the rationale for marriage in legal and economic terms. I'd guess most people do not marry for these reasons. The people that I know who have successful marriages got married because they love each other, and they wanted to be married. Period.

 

If you do not feel that way about your GF, then don't marry her.

 

I am hardly one to give advise on marriage, having been divorced and having no plans to marry. But if I were to consider marriage again, I would not base my decision on any of the criteria you have listed.

 

[panadolsandwich]

 

I care because I am considering marrying a girl myself. So this isn't just a mindless question posted to the relationship forum as an exercise in proving some mindless point. I asked for guidance and (so sorry) information on other people's relationships' date=' based on their own experience. Sounds like a forum doesn't it? Sounds suspiciously like this could be a relationship forum???

 

By the way, if this was a forum on relationships with Australian girls, I might indeed be in fact asking 'Why marry your Australian girlfriend?'.

 

I suppose I failed to say that I'm sceptical of marriage in general, no matter how much I love the girl.

 

So no, the question isn't aimed at bar girls, and of course only a small fraction of Thai women are whores; the question still stands...[/quote']

 

From your original post, one would hardly guess that you are considering marriage.

 

After reading your original post, you seem to be qualifying the rationale for marriage in legal and economic terms. I'd guess most people do not marry for these reasons. The people that I know who have successful marriages got married because they love each other, and they wanted to be married. Period.

 

If you do not feel that way about your GF, then don't marry her.

 

I am hardly one to give advise on marriage, having been divorced and having no plans to marry. But if I were to consider marriage again, I would not base my decision on any of the criteria you have listed.

 

Fair enough, I respect what you are saying.

 

However you can't ignore the fact that 'taking care' is a central theme in Thai relationships. 'Taking care', means looking out for the legal, and economic items as well as romantic concerns, and dealing with them. To love someone might indeed be almost entirely relieving them of these burdens. Perhaps you might want to consider if you truly love her - are you worthy in that regard? Or will you rush into a romance with that Western amulet called love (will conquer all) and dash yourself on the anfractuous rocks of the Thai non-ego, injuring both parties in the pathos of it all?

 

Whilst you might not personally consider these things in any marital decision, I contend that the prospective wife most certainly would be.

 

As another poster pointed out - none of the usual benefits of marrying in the West apply here. You are left with virtually no upside, besides some footnote in law that you would need to be fairly savvy to take advantage of.

[rchapstick]

I don't buy into the "she is Thai and therefore I must do XXX" stereotype. While Thai people do often share some cultural traits, I think it is up to individual couples to determine what defines their relationship. If a woman values a farang partner only in economic terms, while the man values his Thai partner in emotional and/or sexual terms, then this is clearly a recipe for disaster. The successful Thai-Farang marriages that I know are not defined by these values.

 

I think you and your GF need to determine what the values are that define your relationship. Do you share common interests and goals? Do you enjoy just hanging out together and talking? Does either one of you resent the other? When you argue, what do you argue about and how do you resolve your conflicts? If you find that money keeps coming up in answering these questions, then i would suggest you are in the wrong relationship, regardless if you choose to marry or not.

[Old Hippie]

I have no clue about OZ, but in the USA, Marrige hasw absolutely NO benifit for the man. The minute that paper is signed, and the ink not even dry, you owe the bitch plain and simple. As time passes, you owe her even more, especially if kids are involved, kids you may NOT be allowed to see, despite having to pay for them.

 

In the old days, sure, you got the cooking and cleaning, and *maybe* the sex, because the bitch HAD to keep you happy...now? forget that, it is all "50/50" until of course it ends, and you lose everything. Marrige, "Just say no!"

[Hatuay]

Whats the big deal about the marriage, if you are long term with the girls you will have the same burdens anyway. Call it sin-sot or whatever.

 

If she has a poor family you won't escape. Face it or leave her.

[cavanami]

Marriage *** may *** have some positive financial benefits:

 

- lower income (IRS) tax (sometimes)

- medical insurance (maybe, depends on employer)

- if she has a good job, then possible to save a pile of $$$ (if you have the "right" partner)

 

Lots of "ifs".

 

Life is a gamble and so is marriage.

 

From what I see, there is zero benefit for a farang to marry a Thai lady and live in Thailand. I see only hassles (visa crap, like have to renew every year, etc).

[drogon]

If I was married and working in some European countries -> I would be getting 350-500K bht/year

more...(tax exemption etc..)

 

plus additional advantages which end up saving your couple money.

 

Of course, divorce might costs a lot too

 

 

[Hatuay]

The question is really if you want to commit to the girl, the Thai expenses will be the same.

 

That, you only know yourself and the european costs or whatever doesn't really matter here do they? For crying out loud, there are more important matters at stake.

[drogon]

Disagree, Thai expenses will not be the same, if you have the same job and same income.

 

You must be 2 for a relation, committing yourself to the girl does not make a difference if she has other plans.

 

I lived and worked 2 years in Thailand thus I am fairly well able (in my own case) to compare my expenses living there or here.

 

If I ever was to marry a TG then it is out of question to live in Thailand at the begining.

(later for sure)

[Hatuay]

It depends upon the relationship, doesn't it? Surely if you live with a girl 3 yrs or so you have to take care of her and her family if required anyway. And its between you and your girl what level.

 

That, you have to face anyway. yes, additional financial stress will probably come if you live in Thailand as access is more free to the moneybag for all the family and a lot of hassle.