Uh oh, could this be the one???

[Hugh_Hoy]

If you want her to love you for more than just your money, you have to be able to offer more than just money.

 

If it doesn't work and you split up, it doesn't mean the relationship was a failure - it was just a temporary success.

 

ranma

 

 

 

This should be a "sticky" in this forum!

 

HH

 

[soongmak]

Now care to tell me that wasn't a marriage based on money?

 

The fact that a marriage breaks up because of a lack of money, doesn't mean that it was a relationship based on money. Assuming there are other options, it's entirely possible that she married you because she loved you and never gave the basic necessities in life any thought, simply because they were always there.

 

Withold the basic needs from of any human being, who knows what will happen? Some will behave as animals, others remain their dignity and humane self. I don't have the pretension to know how my wife would react. Hell, I don't even know what it would do to me, as I have never been in the situation. I just hope I will stay true to my self when that time comes.

 

In the end, it all doesn't matter, even if my marriage would come crashing down. It's all about the journey, and not about the destination. Take your life for example. You know it will end in death. Does that mean life is not worth living? It is the same with relationships. Even though it will mostly end somewhere, it doesn't mean it will not be worth the ride! So why not enjoy life now, instead of letting it pass you by? Because there is the possibility of pain? I think that fear is not the best motivator in life. It makes people do horrible things, be it on a grand scale (preemptive strikes, anyone?) or on a personal level. Life is never about what happens to you, but always about how you react to it.

 

Ultimately YOU decide what you take from every experience.

[Mekong]

My advice:

 

 

Accept that you probably have never been as poor as she has, and that you can never really understand how that affects someone.

 

 

ranma

 

 

This must be one of the most condesceding things that I have ever read in this forum, talk about knight in shiny armour on a white horse syndrome.

 

Not all Thai females are the daughters of poor Issaan farmers who don't have a pot to piss in, but that is the assumption of a lot of foreigners based upon their limited interactions with all levels of Thai society as demonstrated by this quoted comment.

 

If one was to choose a partner for (hopefully) life back in your home country you would probably aim for someone from the same social-eccomomical background as yourself so why should it be any different in Thailand?

 

IMHO the most important thing about money in a relationship is that both parties are on an equal footing and can both contribute financialy as well as emotionaly to the relationship.

 

 

[soongmak]

IMHO the most important thing about money in a relationship is that both parties are on an equal footing and can both contribute financialy as well as emotionaly to the relationship.

 

Mekong,

 

I think this is exactly the kind of thinking that makes marriages fail in the money department. I mean, what happens if you lose your job, your possibility to make money and thus contribute financially to the relationship. Does she run out on you, or you on her?

 

If you do, it was about the money, and if you don't, the money wasn't that important to begin with.

[Mekong]

Soongmak

 

Read what you quoted me as saying.

 

I stated on an equal footing financialy but did not refer specificaly to current employment. I loose my job quite frequently it is par for the course in Contract Engineering, in fact I am giving serious consideration to turning my back on working in Thailand and taking a 28/28 position in Kazakhstan that will pay 40,000 THB / Day whilst working. I knew my wife as a social friend long before we became a couple but since we have been together as well as working in Thailand I have executed contracts in Saudi, Qatar, Oman, China, Korea, Singapore and Malaysia,

 

It is about the capacity to earn and also the capacity to finance the lifestyle when not earning. I would not say that I am rich, far from it if I was I would be retired, but I can afford to go a few years without an income and still live the same lifestyle but choose not to because I dont want to be skint before I am dead. As for the wife, well she is getting offers from other companies in BKK on monthly basis via headhunting agencies so if her current job ever did come to an end she would be in a comparable position within 2-3 months.

 

As I said equal footing and having the same capacity.

[..]

I do not follow your reasoning here SM. If both partners contribute (somewhat) equally, then not much problem if one loses their job and love will see them through (if it was there to begin with anyway).

 

OTOH, if a bloke is married to a gal who can do nothing to make a living, and he loses his job, they're screwed. Love don't pay the bills, and odds are she's gonna leave and find a new sucker, errr husband, because she has no choice: she can't do anything to make money since all she knows is being a "wife."

 

Cheers,

SD

[shygye]

Fair enough SM, I honestly wish you and your lady all the best. I do know of 2 relationships between farang men and ex-bgs that are now several years long, but there's always that question of what if the money runs low....

 

The divorce rate increases during times of economic downturn. So that question is just as valid for farang-farang relationships.

 

[soongmak]

I do not follow your reasoning here SM. If both partners contribute (somewhat) equally, then not much problem if one loses their job and love will see them through (if it was there to begin with anyway).

 

The reasoning is very simple. If you make money an issue, it will be an issue.

 

What you are talking about is the practical side. Yes, if there are two earners, the chances to fall back to absolute poverty are smaller. What is even more important is the way you perceive this to be a problem. And then we come back to the reasons you married, or what you value in life. The higher money is on your priorities list, the quicker it will become an issue in your relationship.

[..]

Well, you sound very Pollyanna-ish. Money will *always* be a factor in any relationship. We are not in high school here...

 

Marriage is a partnership. Both sides should be able to support themselves, otherwise (IMHO) they are not ready for marriage (or are simply looking for a caretaker). Marriage should make a whole that is better than the sum of its parts, otherwise, it is inadvisable. Yes, practical. But that's life. Unless you are rich, that's reality.

 

Unless you are a dreamer; but all dreamers get awoken at some point.

 

Cheers,

SD

[Old Hippie]

Now care to tell me that wasn't a marriage based on money?

 

The fact that a marriage breaks up because of a lack of money' date=' doesn't mean that it was a relationship based on money..."

 

Ah, if the love ends when the money ends, what else is it? Seems pretty straight forward to me.

 

"...Withold the basic needs from of any human being, who knows what will happen? Some will behave as animals, others remain their dignity and humane self...."

 

Which is why it would survive, if NOT based entirely on money.

 

"...I don't have the pretension to know how my wife would react. Hell, I don't even know what it would do to me, as I have never been in the situation. I just hope I will stay true to my self when that time comes..."

 

 

Frankly, I hope that time NEVER comes for you. Believe it or not, I love the exceptions that prove my generalizations "wrong."

 

"... It's all about the journey, and not about the destination..."

 

Agree, a bit of a cliche, but I agree.

 

"...Take your life for example. You know it will end in death. Does that mean life is not worth living?..."

 

Fuck no, I live every day like it was the last, which is why I'm broke, and in the past, usually drunk (Which I may resume again soon). It all goes for good times and fun, the rest gets wasted.

 

"... It is the same with relationships. Even though it will mostly end somewhere, it doesn't mean it will not be worth the ride!..."

 

NO! BULLSHIT! Plenty of relationships I've had were most definitely NOT worth the ride...plenty of drama queens love that aspect, I don't. Life is way too short to put up with bullshit, and I have no time to waste in bad relationships that don't meet my needs.

 

"...So why not enjoy life now, instead of letting it pass you by?..."

 

I do, and I don't. See above.

 

 

"... Because there is the possibility of pain? I think that fear is not the best motivator in life...."

 

Pain is not a good thing, and I say minimize your exposure to it where ever practical. Fear is an excellent motivator, it keeps people from committing crimes, keeps us in line, and keeps us all going to work etc. It also keeps some from fucking with us.

 

"... Life is never about what happens to you, but always about how you react to it..."

 

Another cliche...one I'll disagree with. What happens to you in life often influences how you react to it, and other things that happen to you. Hence, it is about what happens to you, because that may determine how you react to it.

 

"...Ultimately YOU decide what you take from every experience...."

 

I'll rank this cliche up there with "...the only one who can make you feel bad is yourself, you will not feel bad unless you want to..." which is complete bullshit. People can do things to you, and force things/experiences on you you don't want, and thus force you to take something/an experience away that you do not want. The aforementioned cliche blames the victim.

 

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