DarkCloud Posted August 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2008 Khun_Kong, Wow, very sad situation for your ex and her daughter (and you of course). Sorry I kept saying your "ex" when you actually stated you were in a "live in relationship". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCloud Posted August 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2008 I would like to say to all who have participated in this thread that I have received a lot of good thought provoking input and it has been very helpful to me. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCloud Posted August 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2008 I financed an expansion and reconstruction of her families' home. It includes a very nice, large room for she and I to stay in when we visit and where she stays when I am not with her - such as last month when I was in the US for a few weeks. Living in the home are her mother, step-father (a great guy who doesn't drink and works his ass off) and her 2 daughters. The home is in a very nice small village. A good environment. I am presently thinking I will tell her that I am not going to marry or live with her. I will financially support her and will remain friends should she desire this. So, she can live in this nice house, in this nice village, with her family and I will financially support her. That is as much as I feel I can offer - and my continuing friendship. But, I am very unsure how to go about doing this. My g/f is aware and laments that she is not the same as before. I don't want to hurt her or make her situation worse. I will have to address this as we have presently been looking for a home near her village and she expects we will marry in December. So, since actually moving into a house near her village would just make things worse, I can not delay. So, what do I say to her? If I say I am changing our relationship and not marrying her because she is not the same, this may be damaging to her with respect to her feelings about herself. Yet, I don't know what else I could do. If I said, I wanted to see other women or had met someone else, this would be inconsistent with our relationship in the past as I have maintained that I am not interested in other woman and do not talk with other women. Also, if I did this, it would not be consistent with my desire to continue to financially support her and remain friends. I am at a loss as to how I can proceed and minimize the hurt/damage to her. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devils reject Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 I think deep down you know that there is no easy way to solve this problem. As you have made up your mind to end the relationship I would suggest that you do it honestly and try to make sure that she has some people around her that can give her some support. No one knows how people react to rejection, mentally stable or not. It may well worsen her illness, but you need to be honest with yourself and if you really don't see a future with her there is no use to drag this out. I hope that things work out for you both and that she doesn't get hurt too much. I also like to say that I admire the fact that you are looking around for advice from other people to try and make it as painless as possible. :thumbup: Many people would just walk away. Good luck and all the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specialist Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 I'm going to go WAY out on a limb here, and ask if you've taken her to a proper medical doctor, as opposed to a shrink. This smells like drugs or various kinds of brain disorder or brain injury. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flacko Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 A Psychiatrist is a Medical Doctor and can give a correct medical diagnosis.Part of a standard exam for a medical diagnosis of a patient exhibiting mental problems is to check there overall health.Tests usually given or for thyroid problems,brain tumors etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh_Hoy Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 This IS a wind-up by a troll, isn't it? HH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 Hi, No, HH, I can assure you it is legit. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardinalblue Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 I hear so often that when Post WW II babies born and worked in america, there will be no monies in the social security pot when they retire (which is happening now and just around the corner).... Please explain to me why there should be a distribution to people who have absolutely no link to it? I have never heard of kids who were either born in america or married into a family receive actual distributions in ther names directly when the eligible post-work person starts to collect? Only if the eligible person dies and that person had already named entitled family to continually receive his or her directed contributions/distributions... CB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffalo_bill Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 Mister Darkcloud , since I played chief referee in a similar drama recently involving my housemaid and her husband you can consider myself being Europe's leading expert in this sensitive field . I would hate to take such a decision myself but playing smartass is great : I would terminate this relationship anyway , you did not answer my question how old you are so I reckon Madame being 31 as you say I calculate yourself 55 or so . Question arising : what happens in 15 years when you might not be able any more to take care of her or herself being so sick that she cannot take care you . Moment of truth coming sooner or later , creating a major drama for sure . Second , living with somebody who changes his personality so dramatically is a major task and needs a super-human counterpart . Third , it makes a difference in responsibility to leave somebody after maybe 20 years marriage or in your case a relatively short time . Most difficult question to answer now is how to leave the battlefield in grace and honour . Also considering the loosing face aspect in the village . I would therefore create a dramatic story about things going very wrong at home in Amellica with your parents (?)or other family member , they will understand that . And after a while let the Isaan people know you cannot come back for tecnical reasons . I would in exchange take care of the children in some financial way ( I think that is what you owe her ) , probably arrange some medical treatment for the lady and then evaporate . I may at that point mention that cash has often been a suitable plaster . If your future missus is as heavily sick as you say it will not make a huge difference if you are there or not but you might be throwing your life away . In many years travelling Asian countries have entertained various mia nois and when I had enough I used the above mentioned strategy to keep things elegant by saying my mummy is sick and I cannot travel any more , here is some cash to survive and I love you for ever . After a while they did not know any more who BuBi was . Good luck , I am happy I am not DarkCloud because this one is not easy BuBi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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