gobbledonk Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Hi All, Each trip to Thailand gives me a little more insight than the last, or at least that is what I like to tell myself. At this point, I am largely dissuaded from pursuing a relationship with ANY citizen of Thailand, regardless of my anecdotes in other threads, even tho I know that many Farang have long and successful relationships with Thai girls. End of the day, I believe Thai people to be among the most materialistic on earth. Granted, I havent spent time with hi-so Thais, but my time in the village left me fairly bitter. It soon became apparent that the extended family viewed me as a potential goldmine, and were somewhat disappointed to find that I wouldnt be handing our 1000 baht notes in the streets. Despite having fed roughly 20 people a diet of seafood and provided a lot of Heineken during my 3-day stay, along with a few K baht in cash for Mama/Papa, I got the distinct impression that Miss CP had lost face : perhaps she had built the image of her ATM up to be Siam Commercial Bank when he clearly is not .. Scene 2 : Miss CP has GTG friend in BKK, and is clearly envious of the fact that GTG has made good completely on her own. No BF, Thai or Farang, but has the car/condo thing happening. She laments that she cant find a decent guy in BKK, and I immediately flash to the same conversation with a Singaporean girl years ago - they just dont pass the credit check. I try to explain to Miss CP that working in an office carries a different set of challenges to working in a bar/restaurant/department store, but its lost on her. GTG plans to go to Britain and get her Masters Degree so that she can progress in her job : how do I explain to Miss CP that none of that will come without sweat and tears ? She just sees it as someone from her village who has been 'lucky' - I see it as the girl who paid attention in class while Miss CP was doing her nails ... Scene 3: another friend, this time an ex-BG, has landed the fat Farang of her dreams, and he appears to be loaded. 50K+ a month condo to house her, seemingly unlimited gifts and money, and she tells her friends that she is just waiting for him to die so she can get her hands on his money. I meet the guy briefly and sense that he is a tad more switched on than she thinks he is - try to explain to Miss CP that there will almost certainly be other dependents well ahead of her in the estate, and she may find herself back on that stool faster than expected, but I dont know how much got through. Curtain call - Miss CP has threatened to return to the bar if I dont give her money. I replied that she should do exactly that, and find a rich Farang, and go to Britain and get a degree, and buy a BMW. I am way over these people. Gobble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beano Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 You seem to have picked up a lot of experience and come out of it without too many battle scars. Don't waste your time trying to explain anything to a Thai girl, good or bad; they know far more than you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.. Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Well, you need to understand that not all Thais are the same people you meet in the red light ghettos of BKK. And just as I would not think all Aussies are on a par with those I meet in King's Cross, neither should you think that of the Thais. Just remember the rules that all the Asian blokes know & understand: BGs are for fun, not relationships! Cheers, SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbledonk Posted February 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Don't waste your time trying to explain anything to a Thai girl, good or bad; they know far more than you do Absolutely, and that explains why so many of them are still searching for their fat Farang ATM at 30+. For all her blinding ambition, I had to respect GTG for not needing a male wallet to get to where she wants to be. I suspect that she may be a lesbian in denial, but perhaps thats just my own coping mechanism Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTO Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Beat me too it SD. Also the possible loss of face may have come by you not marrying the girl while obviosly living with her. Not all parents are alike as not all thai females in their early 20's are alike. In my village no man can ever live or even spend a night with a girl, people being found out doing so automatically get a shot gun wedding like it or not! The parents may have been keen to see you married rather than drinking Heiniken instead of better tasting (to them) Chang It's not always about money. There are other levels. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 BG's are for fun....never a truer word! I always liked the much cited line of you pay a BG to leave. However, a lot of men don't get these concepts....and of course exceptions do exist.... Materialistic Thai ladies....sure! Money is status here (but isn't it everywhere?). Of the hundreds of GTGs I've met and chatted to, I'd say there's a 50/50 split. Many want a wealthy guy to come along, so they can do fuck all. The others (my GF is included in this) want to work, study and better themselves. Their relationship is for love, not financial gain. They'll get their own car/house. My GF is highly driven and will get where she wants to be, with or without me! I admire that in her, she's a lot more focused and motivated than I. Never met a BG who didn't want a rich guy...maybe they exist...what gets me is the BGs who work for years in the business. They must get a lot and be able to save a lot, if they wanted to?? Perhaps look to use their hard earned in some venture..but it seems they don't. Again I'm sure exceptions exist...? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartThais Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Absolutely, and that explains why so many of them are still searching for their fat Farang ATM at 30+. For all her blinding ambition, I had to respect GTG for not needing a male wallet to get to where she wants to be. Yes, but if bangkok only had GTGs who are ready to get masters degrees abroad, there would be a lot more lonely farangs. We can't have it both ways. I agree with CTO. You can't expect to visit a girl's family and buy their goodwill with food and drink. If I weren't ready to marry a girl or take her out of the business, I would not visit the family, even if it is her idea. To SD's point, these BGs may indeed be just for fun but they don't know that and they are human too. One shows up, showers them with gifts and affection on repeat vacations, visits their family and then wonders how they got the wrong impression. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Gobbledong, don't be so bitter. I have tried any possible formula in LOS, both as expat and tourist...Been burnt seriously and been madly in love with a BG. Materialistic? This is the same everywhere and having been working for almost two years in Spain (and a lot of damn travels in EU) I tend to think that we are (especially the Spanish and Italians) the more materialistic people on earth...without even facing it. The most disguting culture I found was in central Africa where you are really a cow waiting to be milked and this is a rule simply because you are a foreigner -> there are no exceptions and the bride doesn't have the "sweet, loving, caring" attitude a SEA lady might have. LOS is far more straightforward and one needs some adaptation... About the specific point of the "extended family" and the "visit to the family": Of course, one has to be aware of these "issues" beforehand.... I will meet the mother for the first time this summer, the whole family will be the next time (if there is one). Missus made clear a few points: . When I meet the mother -> missus and me will not stay together (GTG can't live with a man without being married) . I am of course expected to treat her mother well (dinner etc...) . Marriage: I am expected to play the sin sot game but the amount is up to me and just face saving . Once married, when the mother is too old she will live with her daughter or if the daughter is abroad with me -> we take care of the mother (which currently amounts to 10K bht/month her daughters send/give her) -> the farang is not expected to take care of the extended family in this case, just mother and sister who do very well for themselves at the moment. (and no they don't have buffaloes, motorbike and they are not sick and even if it was the case they have a private health insurrance) . Marriage = No divorce . Money matters: Missus thinks we have our own financial privacy -> she has her condo, her job, her mother has her land and farm. Although missus is very conscious of our income disparity she wishes to build her professional, financial future by herself. Of course she doesn't refuse a new bag or pair of shoes (but not more than 2K bht)... . If presented to the extended family then this is just before the marriage Gobbledong, LOS versus the west? If regular women in the west were so virtuous then there wouldn't be so many divorces etc... Sometimes in LOS I feel too many foreigners forget how their own countries are and tend to see too many flaws in LOS. In the nightlife areas you might find the love of your life who can make you happy but this is seldom the case. Regular "GTG" are not a different bunch from the same regular women in the west -> aka, some are good some are lying women etc... But what I found in LOS: Women (for us at least) are far more approachable, especially the 25-30 educated ones. You have huge opportunities to find a woman with whom you can have a happy life, it requires a lot of search but you can find her. But to find the right GTG -> I feel one needs to adapart, not be a prick from the start and be ready to accept some aspects of the Thai culture. Gobbledong, don't give up, just if you are looking for a steady relation -> go find her outside the nightlife areas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Nice post drogon...I think your last bit of advice is what GD needs to do... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartThais Posted February 28, 2009 Report Share Posted February 28, 2009 Gobbledong, don't give up, just if you are looking for a steady relation -> go find her outside the nightlife areas. Just as easy as that, huh? So all the farang guys that have been unhappy trying to find love with BGs should just start dating non-BGs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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