Ryanair to charge to go to the Loo

[USVirgin]

In flight entertainment ..you may get charged for the show..

 

Excellent point, Torney. I don't know if that idea is on the table but it certainly should be since in-flight entertainment is far more discretionary than peeing and pooing.

 

I imagine the only reason it hasn't yet been done (at least, on a widescale basis) is the cost of installing cc swipers into every seat back.

[Flashermac]

US airlines have long charged you for the earphones when a movie is showing. Fly international on an American airline and they take the earphones away from you as soon as you near US airspace.

 

[Fiery Jack]

Don't get me started... I flew back to Tokyo from Moscow on f*cking Aeroflot a couple of weeks ago. The c*nts put me in a seat that was broken: had no cushion on the arse but, just a plank of f*cking wood. I complained and they finally moved me...

 

Next, you had to [color:brown]pay for[/color] booze when they brought the trolley round (soft shit was free). 2 euros for a wee tin of Tuborg. Luckily, I was moved to a seat at the back next to a fat but shaggable black bird with enormous tits (a tuppeny tart, I think, but claimed to be an 'entertainer' of course on her way to a contract in Roppongi) :hubba: who turned out to be a star and pulled out a bottle of duty free vodka from her carry-on luggage. We downed that between us :drunk: and the hours flew by. I got her phone number. It looked like a 'mile high club' ride in the bog might be on at one point, but the bog was awash with piss and there was crusted spray-shite spattered all over the bowl, stank like a Glasgow phone box, so no great loss. I'll ring her, hope to shag her soon though. :

 

Oh, the other gag was when they brought the f*cking tightener round, this stewardess bird with a face like a second-hand pumice stone said 'Beef or Fish?' and I chose fish, but when I peeled back the tin foil if was f*cking beef stew. I complained (again), and it turned out every c*nt who'd asked for fish had got beef, and so had every c*nt that asked for beef, as there was no f*cking fish on board: some doss clown in catering had f*cked up. Of course, since most of the passengers were japs, I was the only bastard who'd blown a whistle and complained.

 

But kudos to the steward c*nts. Being ruskies, they were totally cool with me and this bird getting red-eyed and rowdy and annoying all the other passengers. : :bangit: Plus none of the male stewardesses were obvious mincing limp-wristed shirtlifters, which is a first as far as flights I've been on are concerned. Just seemed like normal blokes, not a whiff of cologne or anything.

 

Being equally russian, the stewardess birds were all ex-Olympic-shot-putter lookalikes. Dogs, like.

 

Oh, and it was a no-smoking flight, though the plane stank like a f*cking tramp's sock, and no smoke detectors in the bog, so you could've probably sneaked a snout in the carsie and no bastard any the wiser. :offline: Moscow Airport seemed to be imposing a compulsory smoking rule, though. NO designated areas, just loads of big fat pissed-looking ruskie blokes walking around with a lit tab hanging from their lips (most of them staff, though it was hard to tell since half the c*nts didn't have a uniform on).

 

Also at the airport, I went for a slash. The gents bog was awash with piss; you needed a canoe to get in or at least a good pair of wellies. But the ONLY ladies bog, wait for it, was locked! just a yattering gaggle of desperate birds standing outside with legs crossed all speaking different languages and wondering what the f*ck was going on.

 

While I was in the gents syphoning the a python and wishing I'd worn shoes without a hole in the sole, a drunk bird came in and used one of the gents' traps.

 

Honest, the only good thing is that it made me think, well, at least the UK's not the worst badly-organised broken-down shithole in the world. That was a revelation. :content:

 

When you could still smoke on planes, in a separate area, I was on a British Airways flight into Japan. When we boarded, some posh-voiced Hooray Henry British woman, a leather-faced Laura-Ashley-clad hag of some 50 summers, started playing war because she'd been put in the Smoking section and she didn't smoke it is a filthy habit blah blah blah. She was making a right fuss, but all seats were taken. I was sitting across the aisle from her. She finally sat down. We take off, and every c*nt lights up as if it's a race. Section was full of jap businessmen and, as we know, those f*ckers can smoke. :

 

An hour into the flight, I glanced across at the old bird, who'd been loudly tutting and flapping her hand in front of her face as if swatting an invisible fly the last time I'd looked, with the big fat jap feller next to her puffing away merrily like a trooper in the trenches and blowing his blue filterless smoke right in her frowning coupon and up her f*cking nose. She'd actually tied the wee blanket thing you get on planes round her f*cking face. And she was crying, barley discernible tears rolling slowly down her cheeks. And they never moved her. She sat there with the f*cking blanket over her hooter for the whole ride while every other c*nt got on with chain smoking. Those were the days.

 

jack

[USVirgin]

Awesome post!

[Guest lazyphil]

relax OH, i'm a cheap retarded loser and i refuse to pay top dollar with BA when i can go no frills with ryanair, they're safe, clean, on time.....just no frills.....ok, i need to pay to pee, i say to them just add the charge to the fare, so what. how can i expect them to service a toilet and dispose of my waste for free, people need to grow up.

[The_Munchmaster]

Welcome back Jack.

[The_Munchmaster]

I am a diabetic who needs to inject insulin. Should I have to pay extra for that?

Only if Ryanair are providing the insulin.

 

Or maybe I would be within my rights to drop my pants in the aisle and inject my ass in front of everybody.

I have a diabetic friend who can discretely inject himself in public without the need to drop his pants. You might want to reasearch alternative methods of injecting.

[The_Munchmaster]

I'm a cheap retarded loser.

You said it LP. :hubba:

[Fiery Jack]

I have a diabetic friend who can discretely inject himself in public without the need to drop his pants.

 

That's interesting. :content: I have an alcoholic, erm, friend who can discretely shite himself in public without lowering his trousers. Sometimes without even waking up, in fact, as I recall from that last f*cking business trip to Singapore.

 

jack

 

[USVirgin]

I personally agree with OH and think ancillary revenue is bullshit, and whatever service you get should be included in the airfare.

 

However, the LCC concept of charging for everything above and beyond the fare is catching on and it will not be long before some of our most beloved Asian carriers (who for many years enjoyed the advantage of not charging for alcohol in coach, for example) follow suit.

 

Enjoy the service oriented airlines of the world while you still can.

 

PS. I'm talking about longhaul puddle jumps, not 1 to 5 hour flights.