Thai Family Patterns

[Pom_Jao_Choo]

I can only speak from observation but I really had the impression that Thai comunity was of the sort that everyone willfully looked after each other's children if a parent were absent. I had the impresion that it was a social norm to be raised completley a part of a family no matter what the make up of the family was?

 

 

 

We westerners are too quick to judge what we percieve as being the norm as being the ideal.

 

I heard not too long ago about a description of native tribe of north americans (Cherokee ?) who after birthing had their children breast fed by every woman in the tribe and the children called every woman mother. Likewise they were trained by many men in the village. I'm sure their society was very wholesome and enriching.

 

 

 

I think its too easy to categorize the familiar as normal. I'm sure that having a mother and a father is more enriching than not and likely having more members in the family increases the quality.

 

 

 

My father died when I was 5 years old and I never knew him. In the absence of a father many men that i knew growing up played different roles unkowingly as Idols and influenced me possitively. But you do no feel that you are missing something you have never known. People do not suffer from BKK Blues untill they have had a taste. But what was most anoying for me were people telling me that I was in need of a father and that I was missing something (and not in the context of needing corecting). I never felt this. my life seemed complete.

[Pescator]

"I always thought that the reason why people migrate to work was actually so they can provide for their family"

 

 

 

I am sure that you are right about that and that the vast majority fall into this category but I`ve sure seen cases where I am not so sure about their motives.

 

 

 

While working abroad they do provide for their family and themselves you may very well add.

 

Why is then it that the vast majority manage to raise their kids while also living together?

 

Could it be a matter of priority between standard of living or living as a family?

 

 

 

The shop owner I mentioned working in Taiwan has a passus in her contract giving her one free trip back home every year. Noone has seen her as yet although it has been 3 years.

 

 

 

My wife`s elder brother worked for a construction company in Taiwan too. He returned after 2 years without a dime although he had made plenty during his stay. Gambling, booze and....well the usual cocktail. "Providing for the family?" Right!

 

 

 

"the % of single mothers working in the sex industry?"

 

Ah yes, this will be very high indeed. Especially if one is to believe the stories they tell you. And by judging from the strech marks one thing is for sure many *are* mothers for sure.

 

I am rather confident that their kids are better off living with family.

 

 

 

The point of my post was perhaps that I find that many thai people have a rather more nonchalant (lacking a better word) attitude towards having kids that has the european/US counterpart.

 

You have of course heard the expression "happy go lucky", which is used by many to describe thai people if you are into sweeping generalizations that is.

 

However, I`d say there is a touch of the "happy go lucky" element in most thai that I know of anyway.

 

You meet, you fall in love, you marry, you have kids.

 

It just happens, it is as inevitable as the coming of the monsoon.

 

 

 

Please notice that I am talking about people in rural Thailand, that is where my experience comes from.

 

 

 

 

 

Hua Nguu

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Pescator]

"Their 3 kids live up country with the grandparents and have done so for 8 years! Now that is what I call a peculiar arrangement and all too common"

 

 

 

Peculiar to westerners. But not to Thais!! It's a cultural thing and not a thing that we can easily judge from our own cultural perspective"

 

 

 

You`re right.

 

I started off by saying in my initial post that life in Thailand is very different from that in Europe/US etc and used the textbook as an example. But I do admit I am being a bit judgemental about it and probably unfairly so.

 

 

 

As to the Manee Reader I would seem that I should have payed closer attention to the conversation as you point out

 

This whole website seems huge and with lots of nice features. The only thing I can see them improve is replacing the sound files using Flash as does Nattawud in thailandlife.com. So much easier without having to wait for the Realplayer to load and buffer.

 

So this book has been around for more than 40 years now? Amazing. I guess this is why they have been allowed to use it on a website without violating copyright.

 

 

 

"For reading alone their purpose is well served, but something more contemporary and global could be beneficial. Something new that perhaps inadvertantly adresses the caste system.. perhaps even (god forbid) an Indian child could be portrayed - one that doesn't have body odour..."

 

 

 

Now where would they find such a unique individual?

 

 

[Old Hippie]

On a domestic note, to sort of bring it home, A lot of Airline workers I know, also work away from their families, and only see them on weekends. The reasons vary, usually a layoff is the cause, and the guy/gal is just killing time till they can cycle back home. Other reasons may be, they took a transfer to get a promotion, and didn't want to uproot the family away from their schools, wife's job, extended family, etc... As I said the reasons vary. I have seen a lot of kids left un attended here in the USA as well, it happens, and with far less noble intentions than "looking for money" on the parents part. I hate to see kids neglected anywhere.

[Pescator]

Hi OH

 

 

 

I am airline staff too and work in two shifts.

 

This means that I only get to see my kids and wife briefly during one half of the week. I guess I feel kind of guilty about that and probably that is why I feel rather strongly about kids being neglected (as I perceive it).

 

Working like this I probably should have more understanding of the way some thai people conduct their lives in order to make ends meet. Maybe I am merely displaying a classic case of projection here.

 

 

 

Hua Nguu

 

 

[pattaya127]

I am not sure the word asset is appropriate, though i know exactly what you mean. The way thais handle kids hardly shows they see them as things or investments. Unless it goes to show kids are the most precious beings in most families. And it is true that the asian culture of having kids care for their parents when they are old is strong among the disfavored, providing the only safety net in societeies with very little chance of decent education and upward mobility. This is a century old cultural fact, but we should understand it instead of comparing it with disfavorable connotations with our own values. besides, which one of us would not care for his parents, if they needed our help. The ones who say "no way" prove the point that we have lost something along the way. Actually, one thing i found out staying in Thailand, is that, compared to the strentgh of family ties i've encountered over there, I have led such a selfish life and taken some most important things in life for granted, such as my parent's love for me. It really woke me up to realize i also belong somewhere, and that these ties are stronger than the constant search for individual gratifications. Now, when a TG tells me about mamma this and papa that, i never fail to let her know she's not the only one who worries about her family.

[pattaya127]

Not everyone is the same. Some stay with the family, some migrate to work in the big city. It's hard to deny that with a little introduction, life with the tourists for a pay has become a cottage industry in Thailand. Some countries never really encouraged it, but Thailand and its leaders has only recently taken the high moral ground on it, while doing nothing about it still. Now it's an engine running on its own and the good returns from it have introduced more greed in many families. but definitely not a mandatory choice. Some work for peanuts a long time, but at some point are fed up with being exploited and follow the neon lights (so to speak). The itinerary of my Gf is a good example. She had her kid at 17 with a first husband, angered her father by not keeping the lazy 2nd husband he chose for her, so went to BKK, worked as a baby sitter for 2000b/month, then in a factory in Laem Chabang until 1997. She said she was doing good money, working extra hours, 7000 bahts a month or so. then the crash came and she was asked to work longer days with smaller pay. That's when she did the jaunt to Pattaya, she was then 24, with no savings and a 7 yo kid to care for still. She knew nobody there, but as many, swallowed her pride and acquiesced to a tourist whim one evening. Etc...

[Goodthaigirl]

db_sed_aloha,

 

 

 

I think this discussion is somewhat well- rounded enough so I won?t say anything in great length. BKKFREAK said most of the points I couldn?t have said better myself ? THANKS !

 

 

 

Just wanted to make a few points here.

 

 

 

I was comparing things (how to fish, grow rice, take care of the buffalo, do the basketry, tell local tales, their forefather way of life, Mozart, and Shakespeare) just to make a point. It?s nice to know that you didn?t listen to Mozart and read Shakespeare. I just knew from you that this is a ?hi-so? thing. I?d always thought every Farang kids learn these things in high school. I was wrong.

 

 

 

>Take care of buffalo - A net-loss project in the age of machinery and fossil fuels.

 

 

 

In agriculture, more produce doesn?t mean more income ! The price of a produce is determined by many factors. Thus, using machinery, which costs more in maintenance is less likely to be considered a better ?economic choice? for many people. It also depends on the scale of the farming as well.

 

 

 

>Forefather's way of life - Hear about it, sure. Live it? Only if you want to keep your country stuck in the past and your family trapped in poverty.

 

 

 

Did I say anything about live it? I don?t think so. But being told about it it?s like learning a local history.

 

 

 

Quote from Pattaya127

 

>GTG, you bring balm to my heart. Firsy time i hear a thai mention Mozart, the most divine musician in the history of the world. There is hope after all.....

 

 

 

Is it a sarcastic comment??????

[pattaya127]

GTG, not sarcastic at all. Ironic a bit. I remember being in a little street in LAOS and hearing Beethoven's 9th coming from a window. And i only spent 2 weeks there. Spent 14 years at criss-crossing Thailand and never heard a classical note, except on a university FM radio. I do have quite a few middle-class friend here in SF, and that too was not part of their upbringing. On the other hand, I read that pianos are selling briskly in BKK, h0pefully not just for show, and on my floor in Pattaya, this thai gentleman was practicing the cello.

[Goodthaigirl]

>Spent 14 years at criss-crossing Thailand and never heard a classical note, except on a university FM radio.

 

 

 

Bad luck again I couldn't believe it. Maybe wrong neighbourhood then. OR the ones who like classical music afford to buy good pa system and listen to them with headphone or in a close music room. That would be my guess.

 

 

 

Yes, It's not part of our upbringing.

 

 

 

Piano: More Thai parents nowadays send their kids for music lesson. The most popular one has been piano. That's why the sale is good.