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?Letters from Issaan- End of story? Part 6 FINAL!


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The day before my departure, back in BKK, while I am still in bed in my appt, a knock on the door.




?What are you doing here??


?You come with me, we go hospital, get rid of baby.?


I am not too keen, realize she?d come here only to get me to pay for the operation, and expect a rough time. But I am very keen to be sure that indeed the baby is no more, since that would give me some peace of mind in future. So I get dressed, and come along.


We try two places, the Place in Soi 12 (Cabbages and Condoms), where she gets turned down because of the stage of pregnancy, and another hospital, that also refuses for the same reason. 12-13 weeks, too late, is the answer.


All the way in the cabs from hospital and hospital, she bitches at me, what a bad boring old man I am. I realize she?s nervous and tense, I don?t take any notice of the bitching. After the second refusal, we drive back to Sukhumvit, where we part company.


I leave the next afternoon, uncertain about the baby's fate.




While back home, I get two phonecalls from Nok. One, she tells me she loves me, Ted is no good after all (!). Next phonecall, she asks "when you come back to BKK, can you go to the bar and pay bar for my sister?"


Me: laugh.gifo you want me to sleep with your sister?"


Nok: "No, of course not, only pay bar. She is a new girl, and after she has gotten 8 barfines, she'll get a steady job with 7 or 8 K baht pay."




She keeps surprising me. By doing what she asks me to do, I'd actually collude, and assist a woman to get a job in a bar, when I know the woman can do an excellent job elsewhere. I try to explain to Nok that i believe Sister should be at home, driving the car. "Sister have problem in village (e.g. she lost face at the cancellation of the wedding)".


I tell her no way will I barfine her sister.




*Edited after posting:*


Then I receive a very welcome email from Ted. He informs me that two days after I left, he accompanies her to a doctor who prescribes some pills. Two days after that she is admitted to hospital, and under anaestetic, the fetus is removed. I email him back and ask if there is any room for error, if maybe she sneaked out the backdoor of the operating theatre when he wasn't looking, and he says there is absolutely no doubt, the baby is no more.




*END OF EDIT. Sorry guys, I lost that paragraph in the editing process, but it is very important, so I put it back in.*




When I return from a trip back to ?my country? a few weeks later, she phones me. She changed her mind and wants to be back with me. I decline, and she?s been raising hell ever since.




She came around one night to my appt, wanted to talk. I?m a sucker, opened the door. We talk for a while, she tells me she intends to go work in the bar again, probably in Patpong, for about three months, until she has enough money to buy an irrigation pump for her land, and a "Carryboy" top for the pickup truck. Then she'll be able to work on her land and with her car, and raise enough to live off. I suggest that she goes and gets a job like a hairdresser beautician, what she trained for. "Maybe later".


Then she demands everything we?d bought for the appt over the 8 wks together. (radio, fan, sheets, towels, bedlight, cooking gear, jug, toaster etc etc.) to be handed over to her. I decline and say she was the one who left me and moved out to be with her BF (I luvv Ted", care for you, but not luvv you, luvv him"), her decision, up to her now to look after herself (besides, I?d taken care of her and her family very well over time, enough is enough).




She says: ?can I play some music?. I reply: ?No, I lent my ghettoblaster to a friend?. She says: ?Friend Puying???, and flips. Starts raving at me, screaming she?ll kill me, goes to my fridge, grabs a full bottle of Singha, smashes it on the bench, and says she?ll kill me now, coming at me with the broken bottle waving.




I manage to ward her off, and take the bottle away. After she calms down, she sits on the floor, and cleans the glass. Ten minutes later I notice that she?d scratched herself all over her arms (Deliberately), not bad enough to bleed profusely, but enough to create a mess. Further calmed, and cleaned up, I stick her in a cab home.




I had learnt from Ted that she'd pulled the broken bottle/wrist carving on him twice before, once in public in the middle of NEP.




Next day, phonecall : ?I want radio, fan etc?


I say no!


A few hours later, I receive a phonecall from my former wife in my country, worried, because she got a call on the answerphone from this Thai women who said I?d been in a very bad accident, and was severely injured!




So I phone Nok, and suggest she cuts out the crap, finished is finished.


She informs me that she had someone take a picture of me with a woman (What? ME??, Never), and will send it to my family and tell them I sleep with many women here. I call her bluff.


Wonder what the next game is.




Haven?t heard from her since, now about a week ago. I?m on my way out of here, for a while, or for good, don?t know yet for certain. It?s been an interesting time.




When I now read my first posts, just after I met her two years ago, I smile at my innocence.


Yet, it's all been done and written about before. I suppose everyone has to find out by experience. I certainly did!




I hold no blame or bad feelings for her. She made some silly decisions, but is to a large extent a product of her circumstances.


I am sorry our split turned acrimonious, but maybe it is better this way, less likely for me to get sucked in again.




I wish her all the best, but am not to sure about her future. I don't think she'll limit her barwork to only three more months. It is just too easy to make a dollop of baht in a short time, compared to work as a hairdresser of farmer. It is addiction to quick money, maybe the same as for the guys it is addiction to cheap and easy sex.




Last I heard, day before my departure, was that a board member met her at Thermae, where she accosted him for a drink, chewed his ear about her bad luck, and turned somewhat crazy on him.


It leaves me rather sad, but I cannot take responsibility again.




This is it. Feedback welcome.

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A few thoughts:


You would have gotten over her before too long, but the child will be a real mind fuck for a long time. I wonder if you will change your mind and support the child? Will you get a paternity test first? Of will you always wonder what happened to the kid? Your answers and reactions may well change over the years.


You seem to be head over heels for her, and my (uninformed) prediction is that you will give her another shot. Maybe after a while. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You certainly could find someone to take her place. But could you trust again? Start to feel part of family all over?


I hope you wait a good long while before making any decisions.


Good luck to, thanks for sharing, and give us follow ups if you feel like it.

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Oops, in the last version of the last chapter I accidentally dropped a paragraph in the editing process, and quite a relevant one. I'll fix it up later, but here it is:




A week after my departure to my country on Feb 21, I got an email from Ted. He was back in England by then. He told me how two days after my departure he accompanied her to another hospital, where the gave here some pills to take. Two days later she went back there, and the removed the fetus under a general anestetic. He guaranteed me there was no mistake. When I got back to BKK, and had that fateful meeting with Nok in which she attacked me with a broken bottle, she also confirmed the abortion. So the 'Baby issue' doesn't exist anymore. And for me it is now final, NO MORE NOK!




Still, in spite of my resolutions, I felt dreadful last night. I found five calls on my answering machine (Cellphone mailbox rather). Total about 15 minutes, mainly sobbing, with a few sentences in between: "I cannot go home When I go home, I see all you have given me, and I cannot stop crying. I miss you!" Sob sob sob!


I will not respond.

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Yeah, I kind of thought that might be the case as you did not mention it in the related Thermae sighting as well as the apartment meeting.


That changes it quite a bit. But you seem to be at least somewhat leaving the door open (didn't change phone #s or apartment). One moment of weakness (or just liquored up enough to be melancholy) when you do answer the phone or door, and it could start all over. Not judging whether that would be good or bad, as I am batting well below the Mendoza line when it comes to figuring out women, let alone Thai women.


What I will find most interesting is your future relationships with Thai girls. Bitter? Trusting? Jai Dahm?




I have only one word of advice: vasectomy. You can at least take one variable out of the equation.

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Thank you G, for that encouragement.




No, I'm not going to get hooked in again, I just noticed the power of some strategic sobs over the phone.


Having said that, I acknowledge the possibility she is seriously upset and sad at the realisation that I'm out of the picture forever. whetehr the sadness is about losing me or the goose with the golden eggs, I don't know. But upset she was.


I cannot and willnot do anything about that.




Anyone else here who wants to, you're welcome.


But not this week, because she's off to Koh Samui with a Ganja smoking Dane.




One day, I'll be back, and catch up with you.


In the meantime, if you have any further encounters like the one you told me about, let me know.









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>What I will find most interesting is your future relationships with Thai girls. Bitter? Trusting? Jai Dahm? <




No, just cautios, and, if ever, strictly ST or LT one night only.






>I have only one word of advice: vasectomy. You can at least take one variable out of the equation. <




Did that, age 33, reversed it for reasons I won't go into, at 40. Didn't ever function the way it should. I went to Bumrungrad in early December to specifically check out the viability, and the Dr said almost imposssible, highly unlikely, but maybe Buddha will decide. She was there, and asked again, is ity possible. He repeated the same, then offered the services of the hospital to improve my chances. I politely declined for the time being, and said I'd think about it.




I'll never know whetehr this one was mine, or whetehr she'd recognised my eageness to have a kid teh last time, and found a stand-in to supply the neccessary wherewithall.




She swears she didn't.

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I'll try not to be too subtle here. wink.gif




Phoenix, you made a lot of mistakes and the sooner you admit that the better you will feel and the happier your life will be when you don't make them again. When I read stories like yours I wonder if you guys get a thrill out of this manic/depressive lifestyle and are intentionally putting your heart out to get pumped up and then trampled on.




You sound like a nice guy, but your decency is unquided and misplaced here. You can still be honest, decent and caring without taking on burdens that are not yours. You gave Nok way too many chances and should have written her off completely long before you did. Assuming your story is mostly accurate, you have done more than enough for her and she has played you all along. I'm convinced there is absolutely no way that you (or any other farang) ever could have been happy with her long term. Her wiring was crossed long before you met her, and her misfortunes shouldn't be of any concern to you.




You got off relatively lightly here (no babies, no deaths, no STDs, no jail time), but it easily could have turned out very much worse.




Unless you enjoy putting your heart and mind through the wringer, you must adopt a much lower tolerance for bad behavior. State your limits and expectations up front and stick to them. There are many honest bargirls who would love to be faithful to a kind-hearted farang; there is no reason to tolerate this kind of irrational, self-destructive behavior.

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Man, you need to take a chill pill. "Phoenix, you made a lot of mistakes and the sooner you admit that the better" is unnecessarily harsh and uncalled for.




He is a nice guy. He knows the score. Sanuk is not about taking people apart or speaking down to people.





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