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Thai Bar Girl, Now My Wife


think_too_mut

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Jesus, this thread is going well ....

 

It took me a long time and some bitter experience to see why some guys just want to see them all as 'dumb whores' - it makes it a lot easier to walk away. We can talk hypotheticals about 'fresh off the bus' girls all day, but if someone wanted that they can go to the provinces for the price of a bus ticket. I did, and found a manipulative little bitch with a kid she hadn't bothered to tell me about and a 'brother' who seemed to hang around her uncle's house doing nothing all day long - classic warning signs, but I had some crazy idea that a 'GTG' would never do that.

 

The one person I trust implicitly in Thailand is a freelancer on Soi 4 - the 'worst of the worst' on the monger totem pole. She has had the option, on several oocasions, to take whatever she wanted from my pockets and hasn't touched a thing. On the February trip, I gave her my iPod Touch and a pair of Audio-Technica headphones - the next night she started to hand them back to me, figuring I was just drunk. before I explained that they were a gift. This is a girl who would have fucked over a thousand different guys and she can drink like a fish when the mood strikes her - well into her thirties and still looks mid-twenties- just good genes and an understanding that this is the job. A kid and parents back in Chiang Mai, but thats about as deep as I've ever delved in 4 years - there is no 'romance' BS between us. If she loathes Farang, and many of the girls in that carpark do, she hides it well - she can still manage a genuine smile, unlike many of her sisters in the bar. Marriage material ? No way - the Thai guy who fathered her kid saw to that - men are a means to an end. I just enjoy the fact that we can get on the piss together, stagger back to the room and I know my wallet will still be where I left it in the morning. Edit : would she screw me over if her family needed money desperately ? Possibly, but she wouldnt do it for a new mobile phone, and I doubt that the same can be said of many of her sisters.

 

At the other end of the spectrum, many of the girls in the bars and sitting around Beach Road etc are in the wrong industry - they seem to work on the assumption that having a pussy is the sole requirement for their chosen profession. If anything, the 'girls' who dont have a pussy seem to make more money ..... :stirthepo

 

I think Stick mentioned that bar owners have real problems keeping girls - based on some of the shockers I saw on my Feb trip, I'm confused as to why they would want to. Its the girls who can no longer have a laugh with the customers or manage even a welcoming smile that drag the rest of their sisters down - we go on holidays to escape stony-faced bitches and shit service levels.

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I used to bang one particular free lancer. She claimed she had been a supervisor

for one of the hardrive manufacturers and got laid off.

 

That is how she got in the business.

 

For her, she loves doing what she does and makes a lot more money

then what she was making which was a little more then 200 baht a day.

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TTM,

 

I am finding your postings as a thinly disguised attack at me and as such I will give you my reply.

 

I have no idea why would you think that way, I have never heard of you until 2 months ago, no idea about your history or at least don't rememer you from before march 2004. when I first quit the board.

 

Anyway, your reply goes into the discussion.

 

 

My Situation was not so much dissimilar to your own except for the fact mine happened 12 years or so before yours and the child involved was hers from a previous "Thai Man No Good" marriage. I was working in SE Asia since 1988 and first met her in 1989, I was here every 3 months. Much the same as yourself I took her out of the bar and sponsored her through schooling. I eventually got a contract on Eastern Seaboard early 1991 and we lived together as husband and wife with her son as my stepson for 11 years. You are bringing up your own flesh and blood, I was raising another guys child as my own, hard work I tell you.

 

Very dissimilar. No children involved on either side, let alone dumping them to parents.

Now, me rising my own is called "knight in a shiny armour" like less valuable then rising one from "Thai man no good"?

 

 

Cut a long story short she saw me as a way out of Thailand, I saw her as a way to stay, eventually we realized we had differing agendas and agreed to divorce, at the time she had gone back to her old ways and had sponsors (multiple) from the States and eventually took off to America with her then 15 year old son.

 

Nothing more dissimilar than that: Nobody went "old ways", that's behind us. That's why we are in this, to get out of it, not to default back onto it.

 

It sort of explains why, after such a colossal failure, you are having a go at me for being successfull, even forming a standard, quiet, middle class family.

 

 

It's now 2012 and I am over her but at the time it really ate me up and I was in a bad way for 12 months drinking and whoring for a full year, I was on the Mekong Diet (I lost 12 Months) hence the reason for my nickname on this forum, a reminder of my dim and distant past. As for her, she went State side and made a life for herself and her son had a good education. I say her son, but he will always be my stepson, Khun D** comes back to Thailand every couple of years he is 25 years old now and still looks me up when here, in fact we plan it before he arrives, he still calls me dad, and that means a lot to me but I refuse to have anything to do with his mother and he respects my POV.

 

Yes, it ended in tears. It's work of yours. Without you there would be no story. With you it is a failure.

Plus, taken for a ride and nearly destroyed.

 

You may assume that you are "an expert", to use your own words, on Farang / BG Relationships but trust me son many of us have been a lot deeper and been through more than you have.

 

True, the matter is not how deep you go but how you handle what you come accross. As you described, it has overwhelmed you and pushed you to the brink of own physical survival.

We had a few things but in the (lasting for 8 years now) aftermath the situation could not be further from yours.

 

For the record, I still live in Thailand I had no need to take a needy person out of the country in "Knight in Shining Armour Mode" as you felt the need to as you show your shallowness to the forum.

 

The shallowness I am showing is one of my problems while you demonstrated how to drown in them. Even if it is only your head in the bucket of water.

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I used to bang one particular free lancer. She claimed she had been a supervisor

for one of the hardrive manufacturers and got laid off.

 

That is how she got in the business.

 

For her, she loves doing what she does and makes a lot more money

then what she was making which was a little more then 200 baht a day.

 

70% of hard disks on the planet are made in Thai. During the floods, and after the floods, before the factories resumed production, there was no noticable influx of girls from the submerged factories. There were 100s of thousands affected, not only HDD manufacturing.

 

Did she say how and why she got laid off? I would rather think it was for personal inadapdability or something incompatible with factory work culture, rather than business decision. In a 2 hours or 2-3 days interraction (plus being a foreigner) you would not notice the flaws but Thais would. And booted her out.

 

Which brings what I said - the first step is some factory, when fired for poor work ethic, social inadapdability, then try bars. Just don't return home defeated.

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What would they return home to ? No money, no husband and nothing to offer their families beyond another mouth to feed. Not exactly Homecoming Queen.

 

That does not say anything about why she was fired. Life upcountry is designed to revolve around 6-8K THB per month per family. Factory with overtime gets that and more

 

If retrenched or lost their job (construction finished), happens everyday, they would return to where all in Thai return: to dip from the family rice bowl. For centuries, it has became ingrained in their heads, hence such importance of parents and her family that surpasses one with her husband. Children are the only security upcountry but the parents and family are the same for children.

 

Massive layoffs in Thai in 2008/9, maybe 700 thousand people in garments and light (toys etc) industry lost their jobs but made no impact on jobless rate. It remained unchanged and lowest on the planet : only 1.5%.

Simply, all retrenched went back to their families and sat out the recession. Less than six months later, there was shortage of more than 100,000 workers.

 

Anyone showing at the factory door at 7am gets a job. Gets even asked to bring in more people.

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Based on Stick's recent claims, anyone halfway attractive who turns up at a bar will get a job. I know of one girl who left NEP for Pattaya at 5' tall and easily 100kg - she works behind the bar and makes a little money after the bar closes. Some guys clearly miss their wives and want something roly-poly after a few beers. Funny girl though - I miss her laugh resounding through NEP.

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...But I have to disagree to your conclusion: "No bar can worsen that". Being lazy does automatically turn a young girl in a drinking, scheming, hardened, emotionally damaged person.

In my experience the bar life style and prostitution can/will change a women (and almost very much their relationships to men).

For example, the girl whom I met when she was 18, almost fresh from the village and who wasn't used to alcohol at all, became a really hardened, tattooed whore who started to drink around noon, with a behavior and vocabulary which made me speechless. Even her face had become hard. I have never seen changes like this on young women in my home country, when I grew up (and this was in scene in which dope and harder drugs were very common, and in which several dropouts were hanging around - but I did not know prostitutes at that time).

 

There are thousands of rural or working class Thai women that have never stepped foot in farang bar or anywhere near any prostitution that have made the exact same decent. TTM’s point, I believe, is these women tend to be flawed individual, almost always due to the dysfunctional families that are so prevalent among the poor.

 

Those flaws will always be there. No matter how much of an opportunity or what expectations you place on the them they do not go away. Many years ago, some of us watched TTM pluck a girl out of a bar and went about giving her the opportunity to rise above that lifestyle. Where they both are today shows that it can be done but as he as alluded to, the flaws remain and he sees them every day.

 

What TTM did in the beginning those many years ago, and the reason I think for his success, was not to make money an issue. If she needed something, it was provided. Back then as today, that was hearsay for the Thai forum community who are all convinced that all bar girls are just waiting for the chance to rip us off. He took a lot of grief back then, and as can be seen even in this thread today, the critics are still at it.

 

But is TTM happy today his creation? He is indeed happy with his daughter, he is happy with his family living in Japan. But at his core, he knows that his wife is still the same girl with all the flaws that made her go to work in bar. I’m talking about a family and cultural upbringing that those of from the west cannot begin to comprehend. All that makes a very long term relationship with a person from such a background very difficult at times. You end up asking yourself over and over again, why can’t they just get over all that and quit acting out their problems.

 

I have to add, this is not a problem with relationships that is confined to cross cultural such as Thai-Farang, the same problem is often the core problem for relationships in the west as well.

TH

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Based on Stick's recent claims, anyone halfway attractive who turns up at a bar will get a job. I know of one girl who left NEP for Pattaya at 5' tall and easily 100kg - she works behind the bar and makes a little money after the bar closes. Some guys clearly miss their wives and want something roly-poly after a few beers. Funny girl though - I miss her laugh resounding through NEP.

 

If that is right (have not read all his columns), there was more to what he was actually reporting and you actually reading.

 

An unintended consequence of something I would name "bar girls quantitative die out".

 

Upcountry where families with 4-5 children were the norm, now they rarely have more than 2. Everything else unchanged, that means drastic reduction of physical candidates for bar industry.

 

Every New Year Eve, we make a party for all neighborhood kids upcountry, me dressed as Santa. Maybe 100+ kids come to the porch and around.

It is unusual to them to see Santa and Xmas tree in the town. Each kid would bring an up to 100B present that goes into the pool of presents and lottery is staged. Upon receiving the present (the kid who brought the opresent hands it over to the winner), each couple of kids get picture taken with Santa. Day after, the pics are printed and laid out for them to pick (free).

 

Last time, I asked my wife about the kids and she said, they were kids of her schoolmates. Her time, they were 5-6 kids per house (she is the 5th, youngest kid in hers) but now, nobody has more than 2.

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There are thousands of rural or working class Thai women that have never stepped foot in farang bar or anywhere near any prostitution that have made the exact same decent. TTM’s point, I believe, is these women tend to be flawed individual, almost always due to the dysfunctional families that are so prevalent among the poor.

 

Those flaws will always be there. No matter how much of an opportunity or what expectations you place on the them they do not go away. Many years ago, some of us watched TTM pluck a girl out of a bar and went about giving her the opportunity to rise above that lifestyle. Where they both are today shows that it can be done but as he as alluded to, the flaws remain and he sees them every day.

 

What TTM did in the beginning those many years ago, and the reason I think for his success, was not to make money an issue. If she needed something, it was provided. Back then as today, that was hearsay for the Thai forum community who are all convinced that all bar girls are just waiting for the chance to rip us off. He took a lot of grief back then, and as can be seen even in this thread today, the critics are still at it.

 

But is TTM happy today his creation? He is indeed happy with his daughter, he is happy with his family living in Japan. But at his core, he knows that his wife is still the same girl with all the flaws that made her go to work in bar. I’m talking about a family and cultural upbringing that those of from the west cannot begin to comprehend. All that makes a very long term relationship with a person from such a background very difficult at times. You end up asking yourself over and over again, why can’t they just get over all that and quit acting out their problems.

 

I have to add, this is not a problem with relationships that is confined to cross cultural such as Thai-Farang, the same problem is often the core problem for relationships in the west as well.

TH

 

Excellent TH, all agree.

 

One thing I may add, probably the only thing that is not in your post (and, really, you had no way of knowing it), is that in case of breakup, she would not revert back to bars.

 

Not in her prime (39 now) even for offices, she would probably score some low end job as an receptionist or some not too demanding desk work. Or contact her school mates who may need staff in their today's jobs.

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