Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

[dean]

Two out of three Thai step children, that is. I couldn't have asked for two step daughters more caring of their parents and their school work. They are the reason that I moved back to the U.S. almost 5 years ago. Unfortunately, I had to take the family as a package deal, which meant bringing the step son. He had never been much of a student in Thailand and was treated like the chosen one, as compared to his sisters. I had hoped that a better school system might make a difference. Up to this year, it was a struggle to get him to do enough work in a class to pull out at least a "D." He certainly was a class clown and liked to ask permission to go to the bathroom, and then roam the hallways for the rest of the hour. He was good for at least one detention per semester and had accumulated several suspensions over the last five years in High school. He went 3 years to a good school in one district in the Kansas City area. I moved about two years ago and he is now in a very god school system for students that are motivated to get into a good college, like his younger sister. For the last year, he has been on a roll. He had a Minor In Possession last july, fortunately 3 weeks before he turned 18, so it was handled in juvenile court. His new "friends" became his "brothers," and they advised him on what he could get away with at school and were always ready to party on weekends and occasionally on weeknights. This school district allows all 18 year olds to sigh themselves out of classes without any parental permission. Of course, my step son signs himself out quite a bit and proceeds to fail 4 out of 7 classes. To graduate, he needs to pass 5 required classes. As of today, he is failing 3 of them, with 3 weeks left in the semester. This past weekend was interesting. he uses his Green Card exclusively as an ID to buy cigarettes. He had lost the card two months ago, and at that point I found out it cost $450 to replace and takes 2-3 months. So, when he finally found the card, I asked him to put it with the other kids Green Cards. He did, for a while, and then went back to using it as an ID. Sunday, I saw it laying around in his room, so I took it and put it with the other cards. He left for a while and then came back, demanding to get his card back. At this point he was well beyond having lost his temper. He had gotten to this point on occasion at home but has happened more frequently this semester, resulting in my getting two calls from school to pick him up because his was cursing the Principal and Vice Principal. He grabs all the other passports and Green Cards and tells me to give him his card. I tell him no and eventually get the cards and passports back. He wants to fight, so I oblige him with a few punches. I then tell him to leave, which he finally does, but not before taking his foot and putting it through the sheet rock in two places. He then sits in his "friends" car outside for 5 minutes. Not knowing what he was planning, I go outside with a hammer and ask him to leave. He doesn't, so I take the hammer and put a small ding on the car. They then leave quickly but come back after 10 minutes. All the sudden, my step son gets out of the car and says he has called the police and I was going to jail. The police do come and I admit dinging the car out of self defense. I show them where my step son put his foot through the wall in two places. I reach an agreement to pay the "friend" 2 hundred dollars to pay to fix his car. The police do, however, arrest my step son for domestic abuse. He sat in jail until Monday before he could post bail and faces a diversion program that he will have to complete, including drug and alcohol testing and, I am assuming some sort of anger management counselling. Of course, the wife is pissed at me and cries al night and insists on going with me to pick him up, where she cries some more. I should be lucky to see half of those tears when I kick the bucket. The good news is that the step son will have to behave himself at least until he is done with the diversion program. More importantly, he is done with school in 3 weeks. The school doesn't have to take him back after he turns 19 and has said they have no intention of having him back if he doesn't pass all of his courses. So, that leaves a GED if he gets tired of working at McDonald's in a couple of years. And most importantly, I can kick him out with the support of my wife, since I gave him every chance to finish High School, not in 4 but in 5 years. Something tells me that he will go through some of life's hard knocks in the next couple of years.

[Coss]

Got a youngster like that...

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

Sorry to hear about all of that

 

We had some problems without our (step)son as well when he was about 17-18, but nowhere near to this level. I'm also very glad that the problems just kinda disappeared after a while and he's now working and semi-supporting himself.

 

Sanuk!

[Flashermac]

Sounds like the police may well give him exactly what he needs ... some discipline. If the "kid" acts like that with the wrong crowd, he could easily end up in the past tense.

[dean]

His natural father told my wife the reason that he wanted his son to go to the U.S. is because he thought he would eventually be killed if he stayed in Thailand. My wife didn't tell me this until around 5 months ago, after my umpteenth request that she call his father to see if he would take him back, if only temporarily. If he ever does get a HS diploma, I don't think he would last a month in either the National Guard or the regular Army, with his temper.

[cavanami]

Some Thai family's refuse to kick out such a rowdy child.

 

Me, I would have had him out the second time he messed up. The wife doesn't like it,

then she is out to!

 

For me, I feel the man should be the head of the house and maintain a stable environment.

 

You can call the police on the boy and get a restraining order to keep him away. It takes

guts to stand up to the rest of the family but a firm hand is the only way to handle such a

situation, IMO.

 

I see too many Thais just ignore such a situation and it usually does not fix itself.

 

Of course it is very hard on the rest of the family as the rascal seems to get away with all the crap.

 

No easy answer. Tough love is a good solution.

[dean]

It hadn't occurred to me until yesterday that his recent mood swings and losing control of his temper may be caused by drug use. He failed a drug test last summer for marijuana. I thought that after the hangover he had following his Minor In Possession would keep him from drinking. It seems that I was mistaken. He does tend to brag on Twitter on how much alcohol he can drink ( and how many joints he can smoke) on weekends but he has a twitter following to entertain, so I wasn't sure how much credence I could give to his comments. However, yesterday, he googled a question on the differences between speed and meth. I don't think he will be living at my house much longer.

[HSTEACH]

Dean, I'd take a look at Job Corps. They help young people that have for various reasons haven't succeeded in high school. They teach them a skill, get them a job,and help them get a high school diploma or GED. The good thing is that he would be away from the area where you live and the knuckleheads he hangs out with. I've had students who couldn't make in a regular classroom situation and after a couple of years in Job Corps, they came back with a completely different attitude.

[passingthru69]

Dean, I hate to say this, but from reading your posts. I believe he is doing more that just smoking a few blunts,,

I wish the best for you and your family. Stand your ground..

[Pianoman]

It seems like it is the "Norm" in Thailand to treat the girls like slaves and spoil the boys... Possibly something to do with the fact that the Boys can grow up and become Monks... It is obvious that the women in Thailand run the family, control the money and in many cases the business even if from behind the scence... What is amazing is that there are enough educated males to fill all the political offices...

 

Pianoman