radioman Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 http://www.gumtree.com/p/flats-houses/lodger-required/1021568193 Hello, I am looking for a lodger in my house. I have had a long and interesting life and have now chosen Brighton as a location for my retirement. Among the many things I have done in my life is to spend three years alone on St. Lawrence Island. These were perhaps the most intense and fascinating years of my life, and I was kept in companionship with a walrus whom I named Gregory. Never have I had such a fulfilling friendship with anyone, human or otherwise, and upon leaving the island I was heartbroken for months. I now find myself in a large house over looking Queens Park and am keen to get a lodger. This is a position I am prepared to offer for free (eg: no rent payable) on the fulfillment of some conditions. I have, over the last few months, been constructing a realistic walrus costume, which should fit most people of average proportions, and allow for full and easy movement in character. To take on the position as my lodger you must be prepared to wear the walrus suit for approximately two hours each day (in practice, this is not two hours every day - I merely state it here so you are able to have a clear idea of the workload). Whilst in the walrus costume you must be a walrus - there must be no speaking in a human voice, and any communication must entail making utterances in the voice of a walrus - I believe there aer recordings available on the web - to me, the voice is the most natural thing I have ever heard. Other duties will involve catching and eating the fish and crabs that I will occasionally throw to you whilst you are being the walrus. With the exception of this, you will be free to do whatever you choose, and will have a spacious double room, complete run of the house (with the exception of my bedroom and my workshop), and use of all facilities within. I am a considerate person to share a house with, and other than playing the accordion my tastes are easy to accomodate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 As of yet I am not sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come. (drink of choice to first person who gets the cryptic connection) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baa99 Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 Spotters badge to Baa99, if you can make it over to Molly Mallones on Soi convent within the next hour the round is on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 http://www.gumtree.com/p/flats-houses/lodger-required/1021568193 there must be no speaking in a human voice, and any communication must entail making utterances in the voice of a walrus - I believe there aer recordings available on the web - to me, the voice is the most natural thing I have ever heard. Goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joop goo goo g'joob I have caught crabs more than once but never fish, may application was rejected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radioman Posted June 29, 2013 Author Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 and other than playing the accordion my tastes are easy to accomodate. That would be the killer for me. I can deal with weird shit, but accordion playing, no farkin way. And LSD must do some weird stuff too to come up with lyrics like those Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
baa99 Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 Spotters badge to Baa99, if you can make it over to Molly Mallones on Soi convent within the next hour the round is on me. There ain't many walrus songs. It would take me 30+ hrs to get there. That would definitely be a most expensive free drink. Just give he drink to the next guy that walks in the place. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passingthru69 Posted June 29, 2013 Report Share Posted June 29, 2013 Goo goo g'joob goo goo g'joop goo goo g'joob I have caught crabs more than once but never fish, may application was rejected. I think he was stating catching crabs with your mouth, not the lower half of your body.. Unless you had a beard and mustache at the time then you could of caught them on your mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
huumlaar Posted July 2, 2013 Report Share Posted July 2, 2013 Update: I would like to thank everyone who has responded to this advert - I was not expecting such an overwhelming response, and I am sorry that I could not respond to everyone. The auditions that I have held were successful and I have now found myself a lodger. Thank you again for all your messages and expressions of interest, and I hope those who did not get the room are not too disappointed and find somewhere to live very soon. Wishing you all the best in any of your future endeavors. FARK The Walrus and the Carpenter - another Walrus song, great lyrics, https://www.youtube....h?v=4imoPRSClkE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted July 11, 2013 Report Share Posted July 11, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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