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6 months with a BG


thalenoi

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thalenoi

 

 

 

>She did not refuse a golden necklage and bracelet for her anniversary which she does not wear when she travels, maybe you can explain that too?,

 

 

 

Afraid to lose it or been robbed, I would think. A golden necklage and bracelet is the 'asset' to keep in hard time as they can be sold for cash very easily.

 

 

 

>She does not come cheap, but I can not give her 30.000 baht each month neither.

 

 

 

So she is cheap.

 

 

 

> She does live in a house with TV, music, airco, a bed, a fridge, a washing machine, no cooking because we go out eating, she does not need to clean houses as she did before nor "work bar" Not sure how bad this all is.

 

 

 

She doesn't own anything in the house. That's bad. She could buy all those things if she keep on working in a bar and save up. I don' t know if she is willing to save up for that or not? But it can be done - you know.

 

 

 

> I never liked the western way of thinking,

 

 

 

Could you tell me what they are?

 

 

 

>If I do not make her happy having her around is useless. That would save me a lot of baht.

 

 

 

How do you know you REALLY make her happy? You don't even know why she didn't want shoes and a watch the last time you were together but why she wants them now???

 

 

 

>I hope you stay around nanaplaza long time enough to learn something, you badly need it.

 

 

 

I try. I've learned sth. SO tell me more

 

 

 

laugh.gif

 

 

 

GTG

 

 

 

 

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BassGod

 

 

 

>I'm just tired of the American womans sense of entitlement. Everything is up to them.

 

 

 

So you must really love the phrase ' Up to you' ! laugh.gif

 

 

 

>Once in a relationship a western woman becomes the man.

 

 

 

I don't get it. Could you explain it to me please? More specific?

 

 

 

GTG

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handyman

 

 

 

>Why are you equating money with love? If someone has to buy your love is it really love?

 

 

 

Exactly. He's buying things for a bg ! How can he know her view? Is it the token of love he's giving to her or a fee for her services?

 

 

 

CONFUSED !

 

 

 

GTG

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>Once in a relationship a western woman becomes the man.

 

 

 

>I don't get it. Could you explain it to me please? More specific

 

 

 

When I say the western woman becomes the man I'm talking about the dominant and submissive roles. Very few American women seem happy in the submissive role and subconsciously usurpe the natural male urges for dominance. American Men have been trained by thier mothers to be meek and timid, while American women are taught to be agressive and immasculating.

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Goodthaigirl:

 

 

 

If the word "bargirl" was taken out of everything written so far by you and thalenoi, and it was replaced with "thai girl" would you still be confused?

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>When I say the western woman becomes the man I'm talking about the dominant and submissive roles. Very few American women seem happy in the submissive role and subconsciously usurpe the natural male urges for dominance. American Men have been trained by thier mothers to be meek and timid, while American women are taught to be agressive and immasculating. <

 

 

 

Wow, "usurpe the natural male urges for dominance".

 

I am not sure of this "natural". But Usurpe?? What makes you think men have a 'natural or God given right to dominate?

 

 

 

I'd like to think that in my ideal relation neither partner would dominate. If historically in our western male dominated society women had a subservient role, than good on them to try and even the score.

 

 

 

I hate to be dominated, and i can imagine so would women. I certainly don't feel a natural urge to dominate women, and certainly not the one I am in a relation with.

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It is my **OPINION** that behavior, including what became societal norms are dictated by chemistry.

 

 

 

Both men and women have testosterone and estrogen, but men generally have more testosterone (linked to aggressive and dominating behavior) and women tend to have more estrogen (linked to more thoughtful and nurturing behavior).

 

 

 

There is no relationship where both partners are equally in control, in fact in any relationship the person with the most control is the one more willing to leave the relationship.

 

 

 

You can think I'm a control freak, or an asshole, or a pig; but the bottom line is I like a submissive woman and I'm not happy with a domineering or agressive woman. I don't think thats uncommon because most relationships I study it seems like the couple has just settled with each other, and neither seems happy. I am so sick of witnessing men letting thier women treat them like slow children.

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GTG,

 

 

 

>>She did not refuse a golden necklage and bracelet for her anniversary which she does not wear when she travels, maybe you can explain that too?,

 

 

 

>Afraid to lose it or been robbed, I would think. A golden necklage and bracelet is the 'asset' to keep in hard time as they can be sold for cash very easily.

 

 

 

I was hoping to get a more romantic answer than the "sold for cash" but reading you, Thais are only interested in the material sense of things?

 

 

 

>>She does not come cheap, but I can not give her 30.000 baht each month neither.

 

 

 

>So she is cheap.

 

 

 

That reply is way out of line, I ' ll pm you on this one.

 

 

 

>> She does live in a house with TV, music, airco, a bed, a fridge, a washing machine, no cooking because we go out eating, she does not need to clean houses as she did before nor "work bar" Not sure how bad this all is.

 

 

 

>She doesn't own anything in the house. That's bad. She could buy all those things if she keep on working in a bar and save up. I don' t know if she is willing to save up for that or not? But it can be done - you know.

 

 

 

We started talks of buying a house for her (us), but I need assurance we do have a very long time relationship (years), so it is somewhat early in the relationship. You do know farangs can not own property?

 

Secondly, I had the impression she badly wanted to get out of the bar scene, what are your priorities in that case, when you want to save money to buy a house you must stay in the scene isn't it? (indeed many villages have houses build on bar money)

 

 

 

>> I never liked the western way of thinking,

 

 

 

>Could you tell me what they are?

 

 

 

I am not on this board to explain my disliking of western values to you.

 

 

 

>>If I do not make her happy having her around is useless. That would save me a lot of baht.

 

 

 

>How do you know you REALLY make her happy? You don't even know why she didn't want shoes and a watch the last time you were together but why she wants them now???

 

 

 

Yes I do know why buying shoes and a watch in Bangkok was a misser, we had a communication/cultural/language problem. We have more of these and getting to grips with this issue. It is good to know we both pay attention avoiding disputes caused by this.

 

Why she wants them now? I ask you! You are Thai.

 

I see it as a request for committment. I have the same feeling on the fridge and washing machine I bought on my last day in LOS: a committment I will come back, I will not forget her, I will not stop loving her.

 

 

 

Do I REALLY make her Happy? I dunno for sure yet, but I repeat: If I do not make her happy having her around is useless. Is this a western value?

 

 

 

>>I hope you stay around nanaplaza long time enough to learn something, you badly need it.

 

 

 

>I try. I've learned sth. SO tell me more

 

 

 

I am not going to waste much time with you, you're not Mee

 

 

 

Sincerely: Reading your remarks, I prefer a Good Bad Girl to a Good Thai Girl.

 

 

 

 

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GTG,

 

 

 

>Exactly. He's buying things for a bg ! How can he know her view? Is it the token of love he's giving to her or a fee for her services?

 

 

 

CONFUSED !

 

 

 

GTG

 

 

 

She's no bg, at most an ex-bg (last bar visit was november 21st 2001 as customers)

 

At the same rate I am not an IT consultant, but an ex-IT consultant because I retired for health reasons. Since I don't practice any more even the ex- qualifier is too much to bear.

 

 

 

I don't think whatever I give her is considered to be "a fee for her services" (nor for the giver or the receiver)

 

It would be interesting if YOU could ask her about her view.

 

I can pm you her phone number if you wish.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hi Thalenoi,

 

 

 

I've been following this thread for a while, since it appears that you may have achieved what I was hoping to achieve, but missed out on. I suspect the factor that made the difference was booze. you don't mention any in your and her life, the more I think about it the more I think that's what pulled the plug on my effort, my liking of it, and her low threshold to it.

 

When you advertised your place in Chompun a few month ago, I was very interested in it, it may have worked for us, getting out of BKK, pity it didn't. I'd still like to drop in and see you if I ever make it back there.

 

 

 

I understand a little about GTG's cynicism. It revolves all around the vast gap in material resources between Falang men and Thai women. It is very easy to immediately interpret this as an unequal power-relationship, and in some eyes therefore automatically abusive. But it doesn't neccessarily have to be that.

 

 

 

She stated she wanted to quit working teh bar, you were looking for a companion. She made her decision to stick with you with some 'informed consent'. She could have stayed in her job in PTTYA, and maybe earned more. She took a punt on you, foregoing higher income for a chance at security and stability, her choice. Maybe there is a quid pro quo. You gain, companion, facilitator, guide etc, she gains, security, relatively comfortable life compared to working a bar, some support for family and gain of face.

 

 

 

But at the same time it is quite plausible that the two of you actually develop a friendship, based on mutual respect, that may develop into genuine love.

 

If so, good luck, I envy you.

 

 

 

From my understanding, it is often not all that different in Thai marriages, those that are arranged, rather than based on infatuation. Peopel get togetehr for some reason decided by someone else, and find out that after a while, it suits both of them, they develop mutual respect, which grows into love.

 

 

 

The doubts, in your mind and hers, will remain there for a long time. She's seen many falang, who are lying, cheating, and not keeping their promises. She'll never know if in a few years you won't maybe 'trade her in' for a younger one.

 

 

 

You'll have doubts for a long time, does she love me for who I am, or is she only gouing through the motions because I'm a mealticket. You won't know for sure for a long long time. I thought I did, I was mistaken. I hope you get it right.

 

I wish you both the best.

 

 

 

 

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