Jump to content

Don't Leave It Too Late


Mekong
 Share

Recommended Posts

Having been an expat for over half of my life I have many friends and workmates who have delayed their last trip home to see their parents until it was too late and the next time they are home they see one of them in a funeral parlour, and have regretted the fact.

 

As recent as 12 months ago I spent a few months working back in my home country and had an apartment about 30 mins drive from my folks. I did not see them all the time but I was close enough to visit them mid week and also over weekends, take them out for lunch etc nothing too excessive the old man is 80 years old and has survived 3 heart attacks and signs of dementia are beginning to show and the old queen is now years in remission from Breast Cancer.

 

I will be honest in saying that I don't know how long they will still be with us hence the reason I chose to go back for a few months and spend some time with them before it was too late and to also rebuild some broken bridges. It probably cost me money to have gone back but the rebuilding of the relationship with ones father makes it worth it. Now we can sit and watch Football (Soccer to my American Cousins) together even though he is in Manchester and I am in Vietnam, I bought him an iPad and put SKYPE on it for him, whenever a game on TV he VDO calls me and we can talk about the game real time, Mother has to leave the room due to fragrant language being used, it reminds me of 35-40 years ago when I went to games live with my Father and my Grandfather, a couple of beers before the match, swear our heads of at the game but very polite when back home with the ladies.

 

This evening brought it all back again, a guy I work with here in Vietnam has an 82 year old mother in a Sheltered Housing Complex in England, at the end of January when we had TET Holidays here I told him "Go Home and See Her" instead he chose to go and set up house with his 22 year old Girlfriend in Saigon, not withstanding the fact he has a family in Philippines. A few days ago he got the dreaded phone call, your Mother is not well We don't think she will pull through, it was confirmed on Saturday that she is only being kept alive via life support machine.

 

He is flying back to UK tonight basically to "Pull the Plug" and then arrange the funeral and his parting words to me on the drive back from work were "M I wish I had of listened to you and gone back at TET" (My Real life name has same Initial as board name)

 

Something to think about for BM's with ageing parents.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Your mail could hardly be more timely mate. My own father, 87, who I usually see a couple of times a year has recently been given some very bad news. Accordingly I'm on notice to visit immediately it's considered appropriate, could be a few weeks, could be a few months. We get on well and Skype regularly, indeed just today, but the notice is out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

huunlaar,

 

Correct I have had the pleasure of meeting your mom, I do believe it was on the occasion when she drank Cent under the table on whisky, if my memory serves my correct she did leave him one shot in the bottle for his livener when he woke up, fine woman.

 

RM,

 

Sorry to hear about your fathers predicament, one moment we are rebellious teenagers disagreeing with parents and before we know it we are 50 Somethings with parents in their 80's. On your next R n R why not fly back home and spend a few days with your father? i know it sounds macabre but it may be the last chance you will have to see him. I can sleep comfortable at night in the knowledge that I spent tine with my Father in his later years and sorted the shit out between us.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

Agree with all that's said. While I don't get the chance to go back home all that often, my parents are still in good health and visit us every year for about 2 months. I also talk to my Mom every weekend on Skype, which went a long way to help my mother get over the fact that I am living so far away.

 

Sanuk!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to visit soon, whilst it seems we now know what will happen of course the when is a very open question. The last few years I've spent time with my parents, usually just me there with the two of them for a couple of days at a time. Last time was just a couple of months ago so we're okay but obviously I'm anxious to go again soon.

 

Agreed that technology has been a fantastic help over the last 10 years and now that we, mostly, have decent bandwidth to make it work well we can teleconference pretty much at will. Certainly it's given my parents a window on my life and their grandchildren that they would otherwise not have had and yes, made it easier for them to accept in a way, really has shrunk the miles.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
 Share

×
×
  • Create New...