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Hooters, Soi 4.


Fiery Jack
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I was asked about this new bar (opened on Wednesday) in an adjacent thread. Here goes... :applause:

 

Always keen to please, whilst savouring half a dozen lunchtime snifters there (small bottle of beer = 140 baht, I think) yesterday, I gamely interviewed my cute willing (ironically) flat-chested deck serve, whom I shall call 'Sandy': not her real name, but neither was the similar-sounding Americana moniker she introduced herself to me as. Presumably it's a daft Hooters rule that the gals each get a falang pseudonym? I think it's the same in Tokyo. :doah:

 

'Sandy', a girl clearly in possession of a heart of gold, told me she normally works at Pattaya Hooters, has done for a while, but had been brought over here for a few days to show the new BKK gals the ropes. Hearing this, how bitterly I wished that sweet able Sandy had been around on opening night when I'd dropped in to Hooters at sundown for a 'quick' one on my way to NEP. The pint of Guinness I ordered on arrival had still not been delivered some 10 long minutes later. Given the fact that at that early juncture the bar staff by far outnumbered the punters, this was not promising. A bearded bloke across the bar from me motioned wearily over to declare he'd been clean shaven when he ordered the burger and fries he was still waiting for. I hope he was joking. Perhaps he's still there. :blue:

 

When pressed on the subject, Sandy swore that Hooters girls are not barfinable. She seemed startled, shocked and disappointed by the suggestion, or maybe she was simply startled, shocked and disappointed at my bleary half-pissed midday appearance and demeanour, as most folks I meet these days are. :clown:

 

In fact, the only ride you'll get in hooters is on the sturdy mechanical 'bull', and that's precisely what an affable pork-pie-hatted Frenchman proceeded to do while I was there. He stayed on for about 5 seconds: I wished him better luck with the gap-toothed tattooed bottle-blonde takeaway he'd strolled in with on his arm, a Beergarden veteran by the look of her dusky resignation-scarred wrecked coupon, and no stranger to ye olde ya-baa by the look of the way she was downing pints of lager. :drunk:

 

By the time I was thinking about leaving, it had been announced (by way of strips of red/white tape sealing off the area in Crime Scene style) that the ladies bog was out of order. Cue a long, ahem, queue of anxious looking birds hopping cross-legged nearby while the manager (I presume: an American bloke who spend most of the day looking increasingly angry and shouting) tried to get someone to get the shitters fixed. :relieved:

 

A shaky start for Hooters then. :hmmm: They're up against it. The soi 4 corner of the terrace has already been reclaimed as of mid-morning by a rogues gallery of vigorously smoking grizzled punters and hard-looking tarts: it basically looks exactly like Golden Bar used to look but with a Hooters sign stuck on top as a joke. The outrageous drink prices should've scared these old troopers off and up/down the road, but they clearly haven't. Perhaps the blokes are newbies to the strip or, like me, too drunk and lazy to care, and the old tarts won't be buying their own. :nono:

 

Newsflash: the gorgeous girls with the big tits arrive in their spray-on vests and undersized orange hot pants at 5pm. (Before that it's just regular gals though, at the moment, a hell of a lot cuter and younger than the server gals anywhere else on soi 4.) There's a couple of falang birds among the ample-breasted stunners: one very cute tall one who looks a bit like that Irish actress bird with the daft unpronounceable name (Souirse Ronan? Sour Arse, is it?) that was in that murder flick Lovely Bones. The other is a tasty freckled Eastern European redhead. Neither speaks Thai, from what I could glean. I would gladly tap either. The Thai birds who clock in at 5 are, needless to say, like love and being alive for this, very very beautiful indeed. :hug:

 

jack :help:

 

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Two things I forgot to add:

 

1. It's a 'runners' paradise'. Two whole sides wide open. Tempting and easy for anyone to bugger off without paying. (No, I never do that.) Sandy told me they'd had loads of 'runners' already and they've not been open a week yet. They didn't think that one through... :hmmm: Result, alas, is that deck serves are under strict orders to hawk-watch and hover over punters, which doesn't make for the ideal atmosphere. :nono:

 

2. I got a good close-up look at Sour Arse Lovely Bones before I left. She's gorgeous, but a hell of a nose on her. Hooters indeed! :applause:

 

jack :help:

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Indeed, the reports are almost guaranteed to be more of a good time than an actual visit!

 

Perhaps someone should advise our dear friends at Hooters that the only Thai ladies with farang names are of the type to populate Casanova, etc. No better giveaway for a ladyboy than the use of a farang name - and for those of you who are turning to your girlfriends and nightly rentals Lisa, Nancy and Penny to ask whether that's true, I assure you - there are exceptions. No many, but one or two. Okay, there was one exception - but she's no longer in the nightlife biz.

 

They're fucked over there, those Hooters folks. Best thing that could come out of this is a bit more foot traffic headed to the other morning/afternoon bars on the soi, who will now be even more grateful than usual for a reasonably priced eye-opener in the company of a few lovely-ish, or formerly lovely, ladies and dek serves...

 

Runners, huh? Thing is, you try to pull a runner on any other bar on soi 4, and you're lucky if you get home without a broken nose and full wallet-emptying - but it sounds like the local powers-that-be may not be so concerned about enforcing the pay-for-what-you-drink rule normally in place - may bode poorly for the newest member of the neighborhood...

 

Keep the reports coming. Impressed that you are capable of prompt and coherent reports on site... something I have not been able to pull off for quite some time!

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Oh yeah, and their aggressively-advertised Hooters Free Wifi' :applause: doesn't work, either. :doah: That was another thing the manager bloke was shouting about yesterday. :relieved:

 

I walked past at lunchtime today, on my way to a much cheaper drink, :drunk: and the big-breasted Hootergals were on show already, noticeably earlier than yesterday (perhaps as it's the weekend?) and noticeably less attractive than yesterday too. Maybe because I was soberer, or maybe it's going downhill already. (At 1:30 pm it was virtually empty and all the surrounding bars were chockablock. :sad:)

 

Also note: one of the Hello Titty chicks on today was black. Very nice she looked too. :Head and shoulders above the rest not only in height, lads. :drool:

 

jack :help:

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In there this morning for a wee eye opener. :drunk:

 

Sandy tells me a customer strolled out last night, on her watch, leaving a 400 baht bill unpaid, which came therefore out of her wages. I gave her a 400 baht tip, and wished her a happy New Year. :hug:

 

Ladies toilet still fucked. :sad:

 

Nothing more to report. :hmmm:

 

Except that... hey, this business of once-an-alcoholic being always-an-alcoholic is bullshit. I've been on the road for two weeks, drinking heavily most days, and I'm okay. :applause:

 

There's always tomorrow, like. :doah:

 

Fuck it, Happy New Year, everybody. :beer:

 

jack :help:

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There's plenty of words in all the AA stuff to take massive exception to - the question to me always seem to be 'Is alcohol - or whatever - fucking with my life and having more negative impacts than I would like it to have?' And if that's a yes - fucking with my work performance, damaging my reputation, disturbing my relationships with family friends and others, leading me into lies and deceit that causes problems, well then it's an issue that should be dealt with (and I actually find AA meetings to be a useful way of providing some short-term trajectory corrections, but that's just me - and certainly, I don't buy into lots of the language and concepts of it, just find it useful to go sit with a bunch of shockingly similarly-minded individuals and consider my actions a bit - better than spending that hour sitting with my bottle of vodka with no similarly minded individuals, which is often the apparent option!).

 

If I'm capable of enjoying myself, and providing insightful, informative updates on the latest Hooters franchise, which has been erected as a giant corporate wart on an otherwise pristine pristine stretch of pavement dedicated entirely to the sins of the flesh and mind, well then, I'm doing fine. Fine-ish. So says I.

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