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panadolsandwich

The Seven Deadly Sins - A Hangover Cure

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Shite Shave Shower Shandy Shag

 

I first heard of it as this secretive hangover cure - where fact can readily displace fiction - the Shaolin method of one hundred palms - a kind of auto-masturbatory technique has been known for centuries - a method made infamous by an Asian American dying of mysterious circumstances in a closet in a Bangkok hotel.

 

Well the thing is I heard the seven sins from a Shaolin monk around that time - an effusive character well known for his vociferous opposition to what he thought was orthodoxy at the time, in this late night bar a kind of sub-soi of Nana - and I can only mind of five - I'd unfortunately been consuming a bottle of Sangsom or two. As you can imagine it's incredibly frustrating, especially so because I'm now legally contracted by an influential publishing house to write a book in 12 months time.

 

What makes it worse is that, I mean it all made perfect sense at the time. Just follow these seven easy steps - problem is I can't remember anything about them or even all of them - or even if the ones I mind are real. I'm writing this book on a wing and a prayer.

 

I mean, I mind waking up fully enlightened, the lord had spoken to me and said - so that you be -eth without hangover my child, so must you propagate the message of the seven deadly sins - but I asked the lord - hey wait up! - I only know of five!!! And he spoke no more.

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Yeah I suppose I can't complain, I do about six hours of work a week and I'm handsomely paid for it. Still I was planning a meditative - a kind of cry out to the young punters, book about not just avoiding the hangover. A new dictum or should I dare say a bible where you must shag. A call to similarly minded people whom share my beliefs - a much needed call that reiterates our fundamental beliefs in those five things.

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I don't really belong anywhere. I used to think I operated because I liked helping people - what a fanciful idea. I mean suppose my intervention last week saved three lives - it doesn't mean anything does it? Someone else could have done it I suppose and saved two or four. It becomes hard to care when you do this all the time.

 

I read a German book the other day about a man struggling with his Nicotine addiction. He become obsessed by a thought of this is my last smoke. This would always of course describe his next smoke and he would romanticize these last smokes until he wasn't sure he was even sane anymore. I'm always at the opposite end - I fantasize my first drink. I truly can't understand this guy and it's terrible. I want to ring him up and ask him what I'm missing. Because to me the last of anything means a new first. Like slamming down a beer when you climb a mountain.

 

Anyhow at this point I'm really thinking - see I came up with the title first - and well let's see how it goes.

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A call to similarly minded people whom share my beliefs - a much needed call that reiterates our fundamental beliefs in those five things.

 

'Whom share my beliefs' is like saying 'Them share my beliefs'. That's the way uneducated Thai BGs talk -- Him went to bar, him customer....

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I've always got in trouble with the whom/ who conundrum. For whom the bell tolls. And thanks for pointing that out. My Achilles heel is preposterously a 'whom' slung like an albatross about my neck.

 

But I'm going to have to fire a shot across your bow so to speak - because firstly most if not all Thai Bar girls are educated and I've also never ever heard them speak like that - they tend to not use pronouns at all if they can help it - although if you've been here as long as I have they will give you some tasty ones in Thai which is a different matter of course.

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