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#11 Coss

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 00:47

I, Donald Trump, look forward to not meeting anyone in Britain, England

I’d like to start by thanking myself bigly for finding the time to talk to you at this press conference. As many of you will know, the president of the United States of America is a very busy man. Possibly the busiest man in the world. And no president has ever been busier than me. I am the busiest. So I’m sure you’d like to join me in thanking me for making time in my schedule for you.

When I said yesterday Nato was a waste of space and I couldn’t wait to leave, that was fake news. I don’t know why the media always choose to report me accurately but they do. I’m telling you now that Nato is a great place. One of the very best places I’ve ever visited. I like it a lot. A lotly a lot. I’ve got a lot of properties in Nato. More properties than any other person in the world. You should come and stay in them some time. You really should. And the Natians are some of the nicest people I’ve ever met. The very nicest.

But I’m telling you this and I need you to hear me. Some of the Natians haven’t been paying their fair share. And that’s got to stop right now. So that’s what I told them. I said, if you don’t pay your fair share then you aren’t paying your fair share. And yes, we had some tough talks about that. Some of the toughest talks of all time.

But we got there in the end, with the Natians agreeing to pay what they had already agreed to pay. No one bargains tougher than me. No one.

So Nato is now a lot safer and a lot stronger than when I arrived here a couple of days ago. It was amazing to see the spirit in the room. And I guess that’s down to me. Everyone here in Natoland has personally thanked me. That’s a fact. A factly fact. Each Natian has made a point of coming up to me to say thank you. They thanked me a lot for being a very stable genius.

They said: “Thank you, Mr President, you can leave now.” Even Mr Stoltenburger – I’ve never eaten one of those – thanked me as he showed me the door. That was a joke by the way. I like to make jokes. I make a lot of jokes. I really do. You should ask Pierce Morgan. He says I’m the funniest guy he’s ever met.

My next stop is Britain, England. I’m going to a lot of pretty hotspots on this European trip. But that’s what the president does. He goes to hotspots. And I make no bones about it, hotspots don’t get hotter than Blenheim Palace and Windsor Castle. There’s a lot of very bad people in those places. Worse even than Afghanistanistan.

But America makes the best weapons in the world. We really do. The very best. No one makes better weapons than America. You should buy some of them. We’ve got planes that can do incredible things. Things you wouldn’t believe. Just like in the cartoons. Have you watched Fox News? So I can look after myself if the environment gets too hostile. I’m not worried. Nothing worries me. I sleep very well at night. Better than any other president. I take my memory foam mattress everywhere. Helps with my dementia. Not that I have it.

I think the British people like me a lot. They like me so much the police have had to build barriers everywhere I go to stop me being mobbed by my fans. And I’m really looking forward to getting out and seeing a bit of the country and not meeting anyone. I love not meeting people. Hugely.

What’s that about heartbreak? Oh, you said hard Brexit. I thought you said heartbreak. I’ve had heartbreak. Though not so much recently. I guess Brexit means Brexit though I haven’t really given it much thought. Then no one in Britain, Europe, has either. Just make sure you’ve got enough cages for the kids and it’ll be fine.

So yeah, I reckon the first two days of my UK trip are going to be a bit dull. Just lunch and a few castles. But then I get to go up to my golf course in Turnberry, Scotland, England. I’ve got a lot of golf courses. No president has ever had more golf courses.

And mine are the best. The absolute best. It’s going to be great putting my feet up before I go off to see Vladimir Putin. He’s a great guy. A lot of people misunderstand him. He’s a competitor not an enemy. We get on really well and I’m telling you he can’t wait to hear what I’ve got to say about you Natians.

Thanks so much for my time. It was your pleasure.

https://www.theguard...britain-england
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#12 Coss

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 01:06

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#13 baa99

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 01:40

The EU made a convenient scapegoat for Brits dissatisfaction. Plus some thought they were voting for 350 million pounds infusion to the NHS, which was a complete lie.

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Now the Brits lot will be a bit worst. The multinational companies that used the UK as a gateway to the EU will downsize in the UK and grow in a EU country. Plus they will still have to meet all EU standards to export into the EU, but now will have no say in those regulations! Like I said before the UK had a sweet deal with the rebate and opt-outs.

#14 Mekong

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 02:46

Actually BS (British Standards) are more strict than European Standards and most of EU Standards (IEC, IEEE etc) are an adaption of BS.

The UK did quite OK before we joined “Johnny Foreigner” what (watt) with the Steam Engine, Railways, Light Bulb (was UK Invention Edison refined it)Telephone, Television, Nuclear Power, The Internet, DNA profiling etc, steel making need I go on.

Newton came up with the Laws of gravity one autum afternoon when an apple fell on his head, sort of Ouch why did that happen.

Most of modern society is based upon UK inventions / ideas, I admit many have been adapted and made better by other nations but the initial idea came from some guy sat on a rock in the Western Atlantic thinking “Fuck I can’t be arsed let’s build a machine to do this” which was The basis of the Industrial Revolution and the Luddite Martyrs smashing up the machines.  ...   Oh no, they will take all our jobs.

So next time you pick up a phone, turn on the TV, log onto the internet, wear cheap cloths, go up a steel built building and so on, remember it all comes from a bunch of lazy gits sat on a rock without Johnny Foreigners input 5hank you very much.

FFS UK is the only nation to conquer China because of the Steam Engine, we could sail aginst the wind and the Chinese were fucked. OK give us the Fragrant (Hong) Harbour (Kong) for 200 years and we will leave you alone.  ....    Haha

I am a “Little Englander” so what? We were all about conquer the world, bugger off we had fun along the way. Look at Global Sports, Football (Soccer) Rugby, Cricket, Tennis, Boxing F1 Racing etc all British, one cannot go about global domination without having a bit of fun along the way
風 Swift as the wind
林 Quiet as the forest
火 Conquer like the fire
山 Steady as the mountain

#15 baa99

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 03:49

But Scotland wants to stay in the EU! Much of what you claim were from Scottish scientists and engineers. :neener:

#16 Flashermac

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 05:43

If it weren't for Britain, there would be no US, Canada, Oz and NZ.   :tophat:
A happy childhood... is the worst possible preparation for life. - Kinky Friedman

#17 drogon

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 05:45

Yes UK brought a lot to the world.

Now what was it again, the 'special relationship' between UK and USA?

https://www.theguard...acks-sadiq-khan
https://www.theguard...rexit-criticism

(I am not British but since the US President allows himself to comment about UK's internal politics I will follow suit -> anyone thinking blundering boasting Boris Johnson should become Prime Minister is either the worst joker or totally insane)

#18 drogon

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 05:49

View PostFlashermac, on 13 July 2018 - 05:43, said:

If it weren't for Britain, there would be no US, Canada, Oz and NZ.   :tophat:

Indeed as if there is no British empire then there would have been no need for France to help the 13 colonies.....and no need for Montcalm to defend Quebec.
NZ would be full of Maoris and nobody would have exterminated aboriginal people in Australia.

But this is all History and most people don't care about it.

#19 Mekong

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 08:22

View Postbaa99, on 13 July 2018 - 03:49, said:

But Scotland wants to stay in the EU! Much of what you claim were from Scottish scientists and engineers. :neener:

Did I say English or British / UK?

Learn to read before passing pathetic comments

John Logie Baird and Alexander Graham Bell May have been born Scottish if one is nit picking but here inventions were developed in England, same as James Watt and all he did was improve on Thomas Newcomen’s design of the Stream Engine

And as for Scotland wanting to remain in the EU where do you get that information from, just because the Jimmy Klankie look alike Nicola Sturgeon says so does not make it th result of a referendum. Last time I checked they voted against independence and decided to remain part of the U.K., it is a bit like saying “Mr Smith and Number 6 up the road bored remain, so he is EU and the rest are out”

Do you understand the workings of a democracy
風 Swift as the wind
林 Quiet as the forest
火 Conquer like the fire
山 Steady as the mountain

#20 Mekong

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Posted 13 July 2018 - 08:47

View Postdrogon, on 13 July 2018 - 05:49, said:



Indeed as if there is no British empire then there would have been no need for France to help the 13 colonies.....and no need for Montcalm to defend Quebec.
NZ would be full of Maoris and nobody would have exterminated aboriginal people in Australia.

But this is all History and most people don't care about it.

Oh, so the Spanish and Portuguese in South America, Spanish in Philippines Poteugese in Macon, the French and Belgium’s in North Africa, the French is SE Asia (cause of Vietnam War) the Dutch in South Africa and “Dutch East Indies” (Indonesia) didn’t happen then?

That is right just ignore history and blame the Brits for everything
風 Swift as the wind
林 Quiet as the forest
火 Conquer like the fire
山 Steady as the mountain




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