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A successful relationship with a Thai woman


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My wife is extremely beautiful, kind of like a chameleon really.  She can change her entire look and appearance in a matter of minutes - she laughs at me when I tell her how unsettling it is.   But the most unsettling thing is she is hyper charismatic.  Well no reason to be shy here, I'm a very charismatic guy, but she takes it to a like five levels above. When she was in Brisbane we walked into a club and people were taking photos, thinking we were famous. And of course she's lapping all of this up.  I'm kind of hissing in her ear, this could damage my career.  She hissed back in mocking Isaan I don't want to be famous, I just want people to think I'm famous. 

I saw the wisdom in this.  The thing was regardless of her beauty, she often made comments like this which I thought were rather clever.  But it's my impertinence (she is extremely offended by this, so of course I needle her with it), being so consumed in my own world that infuriates her so much.  Our epic arguments would revolve about trying to resolve some silly point, and then we would collapse in each others arms realizing how ridiculous we were being. 

We started to strategize.  I can't own large rural estates in my own name, but they are being sold off for virtually nothing.  You can have the business in Thailand, but you are going to have to pay off on these other financial investments I've got.  I mean, if the business doesn't work out in Thailand, so be it, can't see how it won't, but you'll still own the land.  And then it's kind of trivial to explain the rest.  She started a financial empire in Thailand whilst I maintained the ones in the West. 

Together  we're kind of invincible.  A true team, the beauty and the beast.  We compliment each other so well it's uncanny.  I installed five 50 inch TV screens in our house with some custom software to monitor our investments.  She noticed something going wrong and when she couldn't get through to me me she, well let me just say don't piss her off.  I explained to her it's bad for business.  But I noticed it did actually work.  We had a rather interesting chat after that you could imagine. 

She is very likely to resort to physical violence with all her wealthy connections, I temper that with a kind of soothing type of intelligence.  You know, let us use some diplomacy here.  I mean if you piss her off she will be hell bent on tearing your life apart.  When I explain you are hurting yourself as well by thinking like this she just kind of hugs me very tight, and by tomorrow it will be forgotten. 

She is incredibly smart, when she speaks to people she obviously considers inferior to her, she has a tone that I often use, except hers is rather over the top - telling a workman he is both a fuckwit and a shithead and them terminating his employment.  I go to the workman, tell him I'm the boss here not she, come back tomorrow after I've had a chance to talk to her. 

She is highly competent, she can run a business without even trying and she can speak six languages fluently.  We do have inevitable fights, but both of us find it incredibly hard to stay angry at each other for long. 

She will play the ignore game, but I'm a master of that game.  I don't really care.  You see I'll never give in.  You'd have to kill me first and then claimed I gave in.  When she realized that she had to revisit her strategy.  I was already miles ahead of her  She just kind of nudged up to me in the bed, and whispered to me you won. In that case what are my winnings?  




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My wife woke me up with a hot towel.  I'd been shouting in my sleep.   Remembering the dream,  this land is ours.  I grabbed her by the wrist and said to her in half delerium, we have to defend this.  That day we fired about 20 employees.  They were stealing from us.  Not much, just skimming, but when my wife found out she was devastated.  She wanted blood. 

Listen, anything they stole was something I can earn in a day.  You just made a pretty poor judgement call.  So what did happen to those employees?  They were taken to jail. 

I'm calling to my good friend to get this all reversed.  Wait!  She explained everything. All I can say is fuck me, if you piss her off - she won't just use something tacky, she will utterly destroy you. 

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  • 2 months later...

Before we got married there was some interesting gatherings.  My sister in law is kind of the heir apparent to the family fortune - and she knows many influential people.  I met an army major whom thoroughly questioned me, like a vetting session.  I was aware of what was happening, and I explained to him that I was a Captain in the Australian army.  

We talked in Thai and compared our experiences.  Have you ever fired an M60, etc.  It was perhaps one of the most bizzare conversations I've ever had in my life.  But we became extremely good friends.  Obviously I had his approval.  And that was that.  All the local police fell in line.  I was in the family. 

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I mind driving to Koh Chang and I was caught bang to rights, the police caught me about 5km down the road after passing a checkpoint.  I was going at least 30km/h over the speed limit.  And to make it worse when the police officer asked for my driving license I pulled open my wallet with at least 40,000 baht in it - his eyes were nearly popping out. 

I was playing dumb speaking in a really fake French accent.  And the officer asked my wife - why the hell were you letting him speed so fast?   And she's like  I didn't know, the speedometer is in front of him - I can't see it - which I thought was a fairly good point.  I thought I'm fucked.  I had an open beer in the center console.  But she dropped a name and got 100 baht out of her purse - and all of a sudden it was like - well sir just be more careful in the future handing back my license which I pretended not to understand. 

But still she looked out for me - as I do for her. 

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