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losing face, how do U get it back?


pattaya127

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A topic is not over until the fat lady, uh, fatbastard sings. Either you "faux-pas" or lose it yourself, can it be undone in a sec, over time, or never. Does apologizing suffice? Personally, i think there are instances where you have been "ear-marked" for a long time. may not show, but for example you may not been invited where you would have expected it before, or not be privy to confidences anymore, apologies (so effective in the west, IMO) will rectify social face/composure, but not regain full acceptance/trust.

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depends on many things.

 

how serious was it? which class? can you evade that lost face by disappearing or do you have to face the people who made you lose face and the ones in whose front you lost it regularly?

 

in extreme cases killing is the only solution.

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From one Fly to another, FZW is right. There have been extreme cases of loss-of-face where people have been killed -particularly where drugs or adultery are concerned. As far as BG's are concerned, I think most of them don't believe we really understand the concept of "face", (and they're probably right), so I think they're more forgiving of farang than Thai. The main time a farang really has to worry about losing face is jumping up-and-down when things goes wrong, ranting and raving, (how often do you see this happening? Heaps!), and I think this is usually in a situation where the farang is unlikely to see the Thai person they are dealing with again - e.g. ticket seller, hotel reception, person on the phone etc., so I would think its quickly forgotten. Its a really difficult issue though, and I think as long as we're all aware of it, Thai people appreciate that. Most Thai's think farang are 'jai rawn' -(hot heart), and who can blame them with the way we carry on sometimes. The sooner we all learn a bit of 'jai yen yen' , a better place this, (and other places!) will be! Fly.

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My wife uses two separate words to describe loss of face.

 

 

 

Nah sieah - she uses to describe minor things like inappropriate comments.

 

 

 

Nah dtairk - she uses to describe serious stuff like someone yelling obscenities at someone else.

 

 

 

I read somewhere that the concept of face is a Buddhist concept, where loss of face can affect one's next incarnation. If you lose face too often maybe you come back as a beggar or get AIDs as a kid. I was told this is why they take it so seriously. If you ask some of the more enlightened monks they just laugh as none of this was in the Buddha's teachings. Lots of hold overs from Hinduism, Brahmanism, and Animism. Ism, ism, ism, all we are saying..........

 

 

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fortunately the value system here has also many very positive aspects, for example the respect for any person's private sphere, the taboo of interfering in other people's privacy.

 

IMO, if you want to have a good relationship here, respect learn and respect your partner's valuesystem, help your partner understand your valuesystem, and find a compromise of both systems. in an ideal case take the positive aspects of both systems and combine them.

 

 

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