Recce mission in Sukhumvit.

[Guest]

(I?ve just finished a very nice lunch in awee place on Soi 4 to the acompaniment of ?Zombie? by the Cranberries. How apposite. I?m feeling a bit worn out. I think I need a beer urgently. As it is I?m going to be late meeting the boys at the Biergarten but I don?t think that they?ll be rushing off anywhere just yet).

 

Got in to BKK last night and broke all records to get out of the airport, in and out of the hotel and into Woodstock. I love that place (never been in before) and can see the appeal. The music policy itself is to die for. The Doors were ?breaking on through? as I ordered my first drink and a quick scan of the room soon identified old mates Redbaron and Haltest lurking in a booth on the raised section. I joined them as U2 started whinging about Sunday. Also present was Fiery Jack (although his avatar is somewhat misleading!!!) and a nice chap that turned out to be Khunsanuk himself. I took the opportunity to give effusive thanks for the board and everything: it was, for me, a bit like being in the presence of the headmaster (!) so I made sure I was on my best behaviour and stopped picking my teeth with my toenails. Nice one KS. Really enjoyed the short stop in Woodstock. I?ll be in there again very soon (like about 2 hours?)

 

I missed P127 this time ? catch you in Pattaya mate - and Leotex and quite a few others I think, but all in all a pretty damn good start to the holiday. We left Woodstock just as Radiohead came on the speakers so I delayed our retreat for :Karma Police?. Then off to Biergarten 7?

 

Ah ? you?ve all been before. I hadn?t. Loved it. Haltest was chattering away in Thai to all of his friends and I tried Mekong whisky and coke. I wasn?t sure if I liked it so I had 4 just to make sure. Hmmm.

 

Then off to Soi Cowboy (Jet-lag? What jet-lag?) again a first for yours truly. The bars we went in I suspect were dictated as much by music policy as anything more carnally inclined. For instance INXS had Red dragging us into Midnite (bloody Aussie!) and Kylie?s anthem had us into another place. I?m crap at remembering names. I can?t remember clearly just how many go-go?s we did go in ? does it matter?- but I do remember Dollhouse. Christ. Nice place (now what sort of a comment is that?). No ? a very nice place indeed. Glass floor. Cool.

 

I?d stopped drinking alcohol by this time. A good move. Then we decamped to Thermae. Seriously. It was just closing when we got there so there was no messing about. In and out (ooh er) and the rest, as they say, is between me and my room in the hotel.

 

So ? felt a bit knackered when I got up at 2pm. But feeling just fine right now. Need to get a SIM card for my moby ? I?ll leave it till tomorrow as it?s a case of tempus fugit at the moment. Need to locate Rusty when he arrives later from Sri Lanka. Then I have to liaise with ib13. I think I know where to find him.

 

Ominously, there is no sign of the Village Idiot? However Casanovas in NEP was looking particularly busy last night and the girls all had new Nokias?

 

[Guest]

Groundhog Day - Bangkok.

 

Missed the Dance Contest last night. This was due to circumstances beyond my control (and very nice she was too).

 

I have sorted out my mobile ?phone at long last. I now have a Thai mobile telephone service from a company called ?Searching For Network?. Nice.

 

Still haven?t caught up with Rusty and ib13 as a result of being unable to move more than 10 yards from Soi 7 Biergarten. I?ve been frantically PM?ing the guys so hopefully we should get together later today.

 

Myself and Redbaron had a good night last night - as usual I didn?t get in until 6am and slept all the way through until 1.30pm. Having missed out on the Pink Panther gathering we had spent not a few baht at the VW Combi parked outside the Biergarten; it dispenses cocktails at 50 baht a time. Give it a go if you?re in the area. They have green ones and red ones and orange ones. Sophisticated eh?

 

Ended up at Angels for the last hour. It wasn?t an illusion - it really is as good as I remembered it if not better. It seemed a shame not to pop into the Grace for a livener afterwards. I personally wouldn?t want to go there again. I thought it was okay, but a bit too bright at that time of the morning. A bit like McDonalds I was thinking. (?Would you like to large that??). Gladstone strikes again as I get all serious with a young lady and start giving her career advice.

 

Quick rewind: Standing on the property of the Golden Bar after the Nana Disco had finished an American guy asks us how he can get to Soi 7 Biergarten. ?Now?? we ask. Hmm - the guy had done his homework, it was his first trip, but his timing was a bit cocked up. ?Come with us? sayeth Carew and Redbaron, and he did. Nice bloke but now lost forever to Bangkok. I think at one point (No, there?s no thinking about it -I did?) I said to him that he would have been better off taking crack rather than coming here as it is probably less addictive. I think he knows now what I mean?

 

 

Before Redbaron tells everyone, I?ll have to fess up to this one myself. Last night, walking out of Angels I indicated to Red that there was one particular girl that I would have to search for in the car park. ?Which one?? he asked. ?The one with the black hair? I replied, perfectly seriously. Cue Redbaron having one of his laughing fits while I stood there going ?What? What? What?s funny?? Look Red - I knew what I meant mate - it just came out all dumb when I said it!

 

Music policy in the Biergarten took a dive yesterday afternoon. First it was all ?Deliverance? type yee-haw stuff, then it went onto Christmas songs (the bitter-sweet irony of ?Silent Night?) finally driving me mad with the old oompah music. Yes, I know it?s a biergarten but?

 

I am now stuck in the internet café while the staff wait for the connection to come back up. I really, really need to get back to the hotel but I?m not abandoning this little project so I?m stuck here for the foreseeable. Some poor bugger wasn?t able to log off whatever site he was visiting and was understandably somewhat worried that the cache might be looked at. Well he can?t be that worried as he?s just walked out.

 

?Waiting for Godot? has two tramps sitting on a treestump/ bench for the eponymous chap in the title - who never appears anyway. Old Pinter got it all wrong you know. ?Waiting for Rusty? starring myself and Redbaron would have gone down a storm at the Royal Court Theatre. Very avant-garde (which is French for crap apparently).

 

(I am still trapped in the internet café - help!)

 

Aren?t elephants funny? Like, not in a comedy way but just plain godamn weird creatures. Why do elephants hang about in Soi 7? Is it their ?hood? Can you get mugged by elephants down there?

 

Can you tell I?m bored yet? I really, really, really need to go to the toilet. Hang on in there?

 

(10 minutes later) Still waiting....is anybody in this place actually bothered?

 

If I'm not out of here soon can somebody pop round with a sandwich and a cup of coffee for me? And a sleeping bag?

 

(Another 10 minutes of my 3 score and ten has passed)

 

Okay - I admit defeat. I've blagged a floppy disk and saved this to it. I'll post it later. Now I just have mince across the road to the hotel and get to the comfort of my suite (!)

 

 

Finally posted after something like 4 hours. TIT eh? Must nip back to the bar now as there is something that demands my attention. Oh - and by the way, I had a freaked out moment when 'Hotel California' was played about an hour ago. I mean - who wrote those lyrics? What were they on? I've never listened to it in Thailand before (really) and I really would much rather not hear it again while I'm here. Too much describing what I'm feeling sometimes...know what I mean?

[SiLeakHunt]

you talk too mut. go bar drink bier rieu rieu mak mak

[spirit_of_town_hall]

Funny report Carew , you can tell you are writing this one on the hop as it has that disjointed Bkk style.

 

Where's VI and Rusty.

 

STH

[AllenBlue]

Yes the writing style does conjure up the feeling of a BKK afternoon to late night and very early morning

 

Thanks...keep them coming....I can't get there until August (damm - gotta try harder for March at least)

 

by the way - it is Beckett as the Waiting for Godot author

 

AllenBlue

[Guest]

Becket / Pinter - same same. (Shrugs)

 

 

Okay - the following post really should have gone on yesterday afternoon - that's when it was written - but (as usual) the computer in this place went down (stop sniggering at the back) and I've been carrying a floppy around (I said stop it!!) ever since:

 

 

 

 

 

Talk too mutt...think too mutt...That's me! Incidentally you are missed on this trip as I've just met Kipster and we are in full agreement that you should be here. Shall I go on? Oh - okay then.

 

Apologies first of all to you all , as I am pissed out of my tree and it's only 4 in the afternoon...

 

Into every something or other a little rain must fall. Well it pissed it down last night and that's for sure. I wish to : a) strike yesterday from the record or chalk it up to experience.

 

I've heard all about the girls rated as '10's and never taken any notice. Yesterday I met an '11'; that's wasn't just my judgement but also that of my peers. If I'd have followed my instincts then I would have given it a miss but hey...you know what it's like, particularly when you're being egged on. I won't bore on about the detail - wait 'till you meet me and I'll ballache for England on it - so a condensed version using a minimum of hyperboly.

 

1. Drinks red wine

2. Has the deportment of a debutante straight from Roedean.

3. We have 'dinner' at Landmark. (Yes you sods - Landmark. That's spelled p-o-s-h)

4. She then says she is horny and likes watching porno videos and then doing things like on the movies (really! - yep, I did a double take on that one as well ).

5. We go back to my hotel.

6. She falls asleep. (I am s-o-o-o-o-o interesting)

7. I wake her up.

8. She not happy.

9. I watch Jeremy Clarkson on 'Top Gear'.

10. She snores.

11. I wake her up.

12. She not happy.

13. Clarkson road-tests an Aston Martin versus a Ferrari.

14. Ferrari wins the test. Me not happy on a number of fronts.

 

I then decide that if I want to hear a bird snoring and farting then I can get that at home in England. After a few rounds of the 'wakey wakey' game I decide that maybe she can sleep back at her place where she will be more comfortable. No problem I say - I see her tomorrow (maybe)...

 

Bad move.

 

Said Thai lady turns into Gorgon from hell. Ahhhh - wha'fuck? Sorry me say - me nice man not fucking stupid man. She kicked out on her pretty ass.

 

Security advised that she is not to get within a mile of 'Chez Carew'.

 

Who wins? She does - as I feel like a complete shit ...

 

Next time (tonight) I'll stick with stack heels and "where you flom?"

 

So, I am sitting with dogs on the street outside Nana Disco with big elephant looking for boom-boom. Elephant look velly horny...

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

But - this morning, everthing is all good again as Rusty appears (cue 'Halleleuliah Chorus) and then Kipster. We go to the Bus Stop on Soi 4 for a coffee and some food. This turns into er...lots of beer. Hence I am now shitfaced.

 

I shall siesta for a wee while, change some money, shower for the 60th time and then go out again. The crew is all together (nearly).

 

Let's rock n' roll... (or slow waltz - whatever).

 

Oh - I was in the Grace last night. It was a bit awkward as I didn't realise it was a 70's 'theme night'....

 

 

=====================================================

 

So, that was yesterday's post. I haven't got time to stick anything down right now due to imminent from Bangkok. I've just been reading 'The Nation', there's a great headline on one of the inner pages ' 'Boy Scouts to be issued condoms:Be prepared etc etc...'

 

Last night - whoooo - Kipster and me 'did' most of Soi Cowboy before ending up at Angels. 'Afterskool' was interesting (I remember that place alright).

 

Man - I don't wanna come home. This is mental. Completely f***ing mental.

 

STH - it's gonna be long session in the KH when I get back to Londres. (As that Shakespeare guy said in 'The Duchess of Malfi). :) (Go on then!!)

 

 

 

 

[UAL875]

Haha - good stuff. I like the highlite style blips. Kind of reminds me of ESPN when they run the scores and notes along the ticker tape at the bottom of the screen. Yeah I know that feeling of being in that internet cafe trying to figure out "what next?" and those surreal BKK moments like watching AMs vs. Ferraris while having a honey snoring away next to you.... I'll take BKK over crack anyday though

[Fiery Jack]

"Also present was Fiery Jack (although his avatar is somewhat misleading!!!)..."

 

Thank fuck for that . I thought the point of avatars was that they were supposed to be milseading i.e. if we didn't crave anonimity we'd all just stick up photos of ourselves?

 

Anyway, it was a good night. Jetlag dictated that I had to slope off somewat earlier than hoped, but I left you all in good form and I trust that's how you continued.

 

I'm back in BKK next Friday. See you at Woodstock again.

 

j

 

p.s. Except for Old Hippie, who looks exactly like his avatar. Probably.

[Ckrisg]

Carew

 

Get a grip!!! Meal at the Landmark, whoa. Hope not to much more money changed hands.

 

Chris G

[Guest]

LOL! (as someone once said - famously- about 200 times a post ). Landmark very good but very expensive yes? I go again but not with mad woman. Go with nice girl. Money no problem (yet).

 

Pattaya.

 

Oooh - not sure about this place at all. I will stay until Monday then BKK again (hooray).

 

Rusty, Kipster100, VI, Redbaron, Fast_fred all present and incorrect. I am becoming more confused every day...

 

I'll do proper report when finish holiday - too difficult when on scene. Too hot...(could also be euphemism - didn't think but good).

 

We have inaugarated the Church of the Holy V.I and have come to Pattaya for his Christmas message of hope. Hail the Village Idiot and all his works! He giveth communion of Santhip and Lipo (the blood of VI) and Vitamin V (the body of VI). Melly Clissmas one and all. "Cor blimey Mister V.I. That's a big 'un and no mistake"

 

Kipster100 has witnessed a miracle. When very pissed he speak very fluent Thai indeed. This has been seen.

 

I think I am being stalked by a ladyboy (who of you bastards gave her my mobile number? :: ) Every day she rings and deep voice "Where are you" "Sorry darlink - Mister Carew gone hospital. Him not well. Get sick."

 

 

Me go now. back to loom for shower and see nice lady (not ladyboy) who I have in to help with darning my socks and for monitoring of Thai MTV video quality.

 

Fiery Jack - I PM you my phone number. Do not give to ladyboy pleeeeezzze!!!