Jump to content


Member Since 18 Dec 2005
Offline Last Active 11 May 2018 17:09

Topics I've Started

I've Started A Detective Agency To Catch The Infamous Bangkok Serial Cat Murderer

10 May 2018 - 12:04

Cats aren't popular in Thailand, and rightly so.  One bite can send you to the hospital where you will be inoculated with no less than 30 needles.  But the elite have long liked to keep cats, and pamper them senseless.  Is it any wonder that there is some residual class over spill resentment?

Whilst the media has hushed this story there has been a string of cat homicides, all the way from Lumphini, to the heart belt of Soi 4 Sukhumvit.

I was first made aware of this by my first client, whom I will simply name Nut.  She described a disturbing pattern of cats being hit in a professional manner in her neighbourhood.  She described a sordid tale of a man disguised as a fruit seller enticing forlorn cats into his car with some potent mincemeat, then driving off at high speed into streets.  

I thought this might be my first lead and I questioned the woman - did you get the guy's license plate?   She answered that she was too focused on her pussy, which she went on to describe in the most intimate details.

I setup my office with maps geo-locating  the murders.  I'm now hot on the trail of this cat killing thug, and the circle is closing, using advanced software technology and geo-tagging some of these highly fancied pussies.

With Godspeed I will prevail, but in the meantime, any leads and tips are highly appreciated to catch the Serial Cat Murderer.

New Zealands 'nightmare' Exit From World Cup

18 November 2017 - 10:02


In comparisons with the All Blacks disastrous 2007 season where they choked in the World Cup quarterfinals after not losing for quite a lot - comparisons now of eggs in one basket, eggs on the face darken the doorstep of what will probably be the darkest hour of New Zealand Rugby League.  

The recriminations are building, the tears are real, there's going to be hell to pay if you're in an Australian office on Monday - as punters will find innumerable ways to pay our Anzac cousins out - in what promises to be a rich gold seam to mine.  

And I can't stop laughing my head off.

The Seven Deadly Sins - A Hangover Cure

16 November 2017 - 04:26

Shite Shave Shower Shandy  Shag

I first heard of it as this secretive hangover cure - where fact can readily displace fiction - the Shaolin method of one hundred palms - a kind of auto-masturbatory technique has been known for centuries - a method made infamous by an Asian American dying of mysterious circumstances in a closet in a Bangkok hotel.

Well the thing is I heard the seven sins from a Shaolin monk around that time - an effusive character well known for his vociferous opposition to what he thought was orthodoxy at the time, in this late night bar a kind of sub-soi of Nana - and I can only mind of five - I'd unfortunately been consuming a bottle of Sangsom or two.  As you can imagine it's incredibly frustrating, especially so because I'm now legally contracted by an influential publishing house to write a book in 12 months time.

What makes it worse is that, I mean it all made perfect sense at the time.  Just follow these seven easy steps - problem is I can't remember anything about them or even all of them - or even if the ones I mind are real.    I'm writing this book on a wing and a prayer.

I mean, I mind waking up fully enlightened, the lord had spoken to me and said - so that you be -eth without hangover my child, so must you propagate the message of the seven deadly sins - but I asked the lord - hey wait up! - I only know of five!!!  And he spoke no more.

Iron Jack Coming To Bangkok Soon

07 October 2017 - 11:50

Perhaps a bit off-topic, but Iron Jack could be making it's way to Bangkok Bars soon!  Perhaps the young rascals in marketing weren't aware that and Iron is a poof, via Cockney rhyming slang 'Iron Hoof'.  Comedy genius Peter Sellers did a great take on this in the song, 'Any Old Iron', which became  a big hit.

So if you lift an Iron Jack to your mouth, well....   I can't imagine they'd call it poofters jack, and then try to associate it with long held Australian values such as loyalty, strength and mateship.  Lol.


Lion has launched Legendary Brewing Co., a new trade mark that has initially spawned a mid-strength beer called Iron Jack.
Iron Jack is “a mid-strength, modern Australian lager inspired by long held Australian values such as loyalty, strength and mateship”, Lion said in a statement.
The clear bottle, lifestyle beer appears to be a challenger for CUB’s Great Northern Super Crisp, the success of which has not been lost on Lion, which has long had the mid-strength market leader in XXXX Gold.
“Probably the fastest growing beer brand in the country at the moment is a beer called Great Northern Super Crisp from CUB, and they’ve contemporised mid-strength even further,” Lion MD James Brindley said in March 2016.
According to Lion, Iron Jack has been brewed with Australia’s hot, rugged climate in mind.
“Give it a whiff and you’ll pick up a little bit of hop aroma – give it a gulp and you’ll see the bitterness has been kept low to deliver maximum, thirst-crushing refreshment,” the brewer’s statement says.
Lion brand director Jack Mesley said the story of Iron Jack is inspired by fabled Australian outdoorsmen, known for telling their mates a tall tale around a warm camp fire with a cold beer.
“We know drinkers want to buy brands that resonate with their own values or inspire them in some way. We want to encourage Aussie men to get out and explore the great outdoors, have an adventure and create stories that will build their own personal legend,” he said. Posted ImageThe story of Iron Jack is inspired by fabled Australian outdoorsmen,
Under the beer’s bottle tops will be the latitude and longitude coordinates for 100 remote camping, fishing and 4WD-ing locations, as well as some classic Aussie pubs.
“Iron Jack is the first chapter of The Legendary Brewing Co, a trade mark that was created to celebrate Australian culture and the sharing of stories over a beer,” Mesley said.
“As brewers, we’ve also had some legendary stories told from some of the best known breweries around – Castlemaine, Tooheys, Boag’s and West End. We hope there are many more chapters to come.”
Iron Jack’s launch will be supported through a multi-channel advertising campaign, ongoing content and influencer activity, event activations and sponsorship, on and off premise activity as well as social media and PR.
It will be available in 330ml bottles, 375ml cans and on tap from September 4.


28 May 2017 - 10:41

I"m a surgeon - a notable one, with rock steady hands, yet I'm an highly functioning alcoholic.  A lot of people find it very hard to believe I can be both, but it is true.

I live multiple lives, in the sense that noone could ever divine one from the other.

When I'm in Thailand I hire two bodyguards.  They are under strict instructions not to inflict harm on anybody - UNLESS it may harm my well being.  All I can say is that they've followed my instructions.

I'm a ghost.  I leave false trails.   I'm purposely vague and I pay my people very well.