Fiery Jack

As winter waits to swap the wings for center-stage in her white gloves and slippers, I will soon be sojourning in BKK for a period of 10-days, a trip I've been making about twice a year since the mid-1990s.

Twenty years ago (when I was in my early 30s), a 10-dayer in LOS would've had me clocking up at least half-a-dozen different rentals, bird-wise: 6 or 7 different birds over 10 days.

(I don't mean 6 or 7 shags in 10 days. I mean countless bouts of shagging, but with a variety of (6 or 7) different birds as opposed to the same bird.)

Ten years ago (so I was in my early 40s, obviously, soft lad ), I reckon it would have been about the same.

But, if I am honest and not spouting my usual self-aggrandising exaggerated shite, I wouldn't expect to be batting anywhere near that average this year 'bird-count' wise. Musing on the last three or four trips I've made to Thailand, I reckon I'm down to 2 or 3 different tarts per 10 days i.e. half of what I was a decade back. Plenty of shagging, and I'll often shag the same bird for 2 or 3 nights, but I certainly don't take as many different birds now.

I don't think it's simply age: me being over 50 now. Up until last year (red-carded due to the sauce, of course ) I had a steady girlfriend at home and I've never felt randier or shagged more prolifically. So, I've not had a regular bird for over a year now, and it's been slim pickings of late: I'm carting my balls about in a wheelbarrow and gasping for a ride, lads. Therefore... I should be aiming high, quantity-wise, once I've set foot in Thailand. And, yet, I suspect it'll be 2 or 3, not 6 or 7.

Did I weary of it? Did I become gentler somehow? I am two people, of course: the sober one and the drunk one . But they both seem nicer of late, and even the piss-artist shrinks at the idea of treating someone unkindly and without respect. I find it hard to go through girls like oblivious wildfire now: not physically, but (for want of any better term) humanly.

Whaddya reckon, fellers? Vote in my excellent poll, and let's have your tall tales too.

jack

Thanks to KS I have found the old post, it made me laugh back then and still makes me laugh today, firkin classic

 

The wonderful Khoa San Road and its people...

Magnificent. Beautifully done. I tip my trilby, respectfully.

Douchebags R Us

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BKdnmuFoV0

Oh dear.

The British bird, Sarah, who talks of 'escapism' (from 3:10 to 4:00) seems very intelligent, and she's beautiful too. I could love a woman like that.

The rest of them: cunts. I'm proud to be a Sex Tourist if that's the alternative.

jack

...been trying to track down a post from 2003/ 2004 ...One of the Funniest Posts ever made

One of mine, I presume?

jack

...nothing in your OP I can see to indicate what the movie was?!

Er, the clue was in the Topic title, mate.

jack

As I mused in another thread, 'Backpacker Culture', is almost exclusively portrayed in a negative light. Backpackers get very bad press. Some of them I've encountered in Thailand, mostly on Khao San Road, of course, are indeed obnoxious arseholes, but then so are many non-backpackers I've met, and indeed so am I, and I've met some decent backpackers too.

Even the obnoxious arsehole backpackers (many if not most of these prats are British, it grates me to admit ) are often simply young and displaying the blithely arrogant attitude that only inherited wealth can breed and nurture in a lazy-minded immature pampered person. And the decent ones I've met are understandably embittered by the negative preconceptions folks have of their ilk, so tend to be frosty at first.

I met a very tasty Japanese backpacker bird of some 29 summers on Khao San some years back. She had no money and nowhere to stay, so I played the 'Good Samaritan' card. We got pissed together in the afternoon sunshine. She was lovely, scrubbed up nice back at the Nana Hotel, and let me shag her all night as well. I shagged a redheaded Irish backpacker in Chiang Mai once too, I recall. She was a bit fat, but full of fun and went like the clappers once I'd got a few Bacardi Breezers down her throat.

So here's a poll, so we'll know once and for all... Are Backpackers All C*nts?

Feel free to demystify your poll-vote selection with anecdotes. In fact, feel obliged.

jack

I just liked the people watching from there. Only once did I ever take a lady from there. Not one of my better things I have done...

Yes, there was no better 'people watching' spot in Bangkok or, if there was, I never found it.

I took a bird from there once too. Cheap and cheerful — a maze of stretch marks and a face like torn shite, but a genuine heart of gold, just like so many of the Golden "girls" — she remained my 'friend' for some years (and let me shag her for free (after I'd bought her enough afternoon booze ) once or twice I recall).

jack

So what's the movie Jack?

Munchman, my best unbeaten brother, you're either being brilliantly witty, deliberately obtuse, or brilliantly thick, mate.

I'll generously plump for the first one.

Here's the (having seen the movie, quite misleading) 'trailer':

Not a bad film at all, as I said. Better than a lot of shit I've watched at the flicks recently.

jack

WHY WON'T THE CUNTING VIDEO EMBED?! AGAIN! MEKONG!!!!

What's possibly 'wrong' about the video (to me, based on my recent experience) is that the bird that pops up out of nowhere to befriend our hapless hero isn't heavily tattooed, out of her box on yaa-ba, in her late forties, and annoying as fuck.

 

jack

Jack,

That's because the hapless dude in the video is young and handsome and sober: three things you aren't any more, soft lad.

(There. Thought I'd get in with it first, before any of you clowns piped up. )

jack

What's 'right' about that video (in my opinion ) is it presents some very positive aspects of a much misrepresented, maligned, and misunderstood culture. Thai culture, of course, soft lad. Though the same could be argued of 'backpacker culture', which is almost exclusively portrayed in a negative light, but it's not my intention to make nor refute that argument here.

(But I will, a little... Backpackers get very bad press. Some of them I've encountered in Thailand are indeed obnoxious arseholes, but then so are many non-backpackers I've met, and indeed so am I, and I've met some decent baackpackers too. Even the obnoxious arseholes are often simply young and displaying the blithely arrogant attitude that only inherited wealth can breed and nurture in a lazy-minded immature pampered person. And the decent ones I've met are understandably embittered by the negative preconceptions folks have of their ilk, so tend to be frosty at first. But I digress... )

What's possibly 'wrong' about the video (to me, based on my recent experience) is that the bird that pops up out of nowhere to befriend our hapless hero isn't heavily tattooed, out of her box on yaa-ba, in her late forties, and annoying as fuck.

jack

A film not as bad as I feared it might be: mostly pleasant, some good Richard Curtisian laughs, and the magnificent Bill Nighy excellent as ever.

In one scene, the main character is on his first date with a tasty bird. She is a professional 'reader' for a publisher, and he comments on this:

HE: ...when you do normal reading, is it ruined because it's your job? You know, like prostitutes? I always worry that when they stop being prostitutes that they can't enjoy sex any more.

 

SHE: You always worry about that?

 

HE: No, I sometimes worry about it.

 

SHE: How many prostitutes will you need to talk to before this issue is solved? Are you planning to head to

Eastern Europe and Thailand?

 

No wonder every cunt at work smirks when I tell them I'm off to Bangkok. Again.

I really like Thai food, I tell them.

jack

jack

For some reason jack, I'm minded of Keef Richards whenever I read your posts. As you weeze and sputter, I wonder if you're really just in Jaywick having us all on? I'm sure you're not, but you do a terrible imitation of it somehow!

 

Anyhow, good luck with the new fire piece.

I'll take that as a compliment, mate.

I'd take it even more if I had any idea what the f*ck you mean by 'Jaywick' and 'new fire piece'.

jack

.Perhaps we could have a thread on the worst hotels in Thailand.I have a couple that readily spring to mind,much worse than the Nana.

That annoying smart-arsed drunken idiot with too much time on his idle hands Fiery Jack just started one, mate.

jack

I would avoid the Nana just because of that weird and unpleasant smell in the rooms,like a mixture of damp carpets and stale cig. smoke.Reception staff seemed ok,but then this war 10 + yrs ago.On a plus point every taxi driver knows where the Nana is.Perhaps we could have a thread on the worst hotels in Thailand.I have a couple that readily spring to mind,much worse than the Nana.

Google for 'worst hotel in Thailand': step forward the Royal Parkview Hotel Bangkok!

https://www.tripadvi...el-Bangkok.html

But Google for 'worst hotel in Bangkok': hello Ambassador Hotel!

https://www.tripadvi...ok-Bangkok.html

I stayed at the former once, and it was probably shit (can't remember, but the word 'once' might well be a clue). Never stayed at the latter so can't comment.

jack

Does the nana still do a photocopy of you passport as an ID for you safety box? Always found that very interesting.

There's a 'safety box' in the room (4 digit self-chosen code). I always use that, with the code 1234 so I can remember it.

Are there different/more secure 'safety boxes' behind reception? (Yes, I seem to recall something like that, but haven't used said facility for donkey's years.)

Cynical, I know, but strikes me that booking into Nana Hotel then fretting about security would be like crossing a busy motorway blindfolded and worrying about getting run over.

jack

Opening 1997? I must have been among first customers

Precisely my thoughts too, mate.

HONEST QUERY: if GBB is no more, where's a barely-functioning alcoholic Nana Hotel resident such as your Uncle Jack going to score his first sit-down bracer beer of the morning when he's 'off the wagon' in BKK now? What time do Hillary 4, Morning Night, Big Dogs etc. start serving? Any other viable options on Soi 4/Lower Suk (by 'viable' I mean places where neither serving staff nor fellow customers will openly snigger or smirk or even bat an eyelid if you order a beer at 9AM then drink 4 more before leaving less than an hour later ).

It's a serious question, lads. I'm a desperate man.

Can't recall exactly but I must've made my first trip to BKK in about 1995, immediately hooked, so thus and thereafter visiting on average twice a year right up to the present day.

For the first couple of awestruck wonder years I was still optimistically clutching at straws re. blithely maintaining the crazed and facile delusion (despite consistently overwhelming evidence to the contrary ) that I wasn't just a pissed-up sex-tourist wastrel, so I used to stay at the Siam Square Novotel, never once making it into bed before dawn nor out of bed for breakfast, and spending almost all of my time in Lower Sukhumvit.

By 1997, I'm sure I'd have smilingly accepted my rakish fate and been booking into the Nana Hotel like a pig after truffles, and thus parking my arse on a Golden Bar stool most mornings, with all the other kindred like-minded lunatics and gypsies, tramps, and thieves.

And that (at least the hotel), dear friends, is where you'll find me this December and twice a year thereafter until I perish of drink or they bulldoze the Nana Hotel down.

jack

I'm partial to a good "hand shandy" every now and then.

jack

Whereabouts exactly in BKK was that?

jack

Some of the family tourists also gave terrible reviews to the Dynasty Inn, almost opposite the Nana. Well, what did they expect ... booking a hotel in the middle of the naughty nightlife? It ain't gonna be the Oriental.

Yup. Like booking a swimming lesson then complaining that you got wet.

jack

So Golden Beer Bar is no more. I had some good times in there. End of an era. Thanks for the golden memories.

Here's a photo taken at 9AM in November 2012. (If I was in BKK that morning, I must've just nipped to the shithouse, hence the vacant pew centre-right, my customary throne. )

Where will we go now?

And what of Nana Hotel Disco? Is that on its way out, or already departed?

And what about the 'soulless franchise' bar that will take Golden's place? Opening scheduled for...?

I'm running out of ideas here, lads. It feels like losing a limb.

jack

Ha ha, 'Dude 22' isn't a happy camper.

“The Stuff That Nightmares Are Made Of...â€

Reviewed October 14, 2015

If you're the type that likes being yelled at, shouted down, and condescended to by elderly, rude, abrupt unprofessional hotel employees, then you've hit the jackpot when you venture through the gates of hell and into the lobby of this asylum. However, if you happen to be sane, then stay away from this house of horror at all costs. The elderly receptionists really need to retire gracefully because they have no idea how to talk in a civil manner when dealing with guests who they probably see as inmates. They thrive on rudeness and forget it's our money that keeps them employed. The only reason this 'hotel' condones their behavior is because certain people keep coming back time and time again. I'm actually questioning the number of positive reviews people are writing about this hell-on-earth.

Saf 76760 agrees!

“Hotel that makes Fawlty Towers look like the Ritz..where is the hotel inspector Thailand?â€

Reviewed June 6, 2015

Nana Hotel what has happened, having stayed numerous times over the years but this will be the last. What was a slow gradual decline has turned into a race to the death for. Bangkok landmark hotel.

When it came to check in was met by the rudest man in Thailand, apparently I had not booked correctly having used the hotels own website, as he struggled to find my reservation. Then he complained aboutmy passport !

Finally was issued a room key and I headed up to my room, The corridor to the room smelled of cigarette smoke and I remembered that this hotel doesnt offer non smoking rooms! Now I am not a snob, and I am quite prepared to rough it in 1 star accomodation when the need arises, but the room wouldnt even qualify for 1 star in the West and indeed I have had better and cleaner facilities when staying in 300bt budget accomodation elsewhere in Thailand.

With a room on the 5th floor I thought I may get a view of Bangkok, Lets say I have a room with a view and what a view it is, On first glance it would appear a concrete wall, but closer look at the wall reveals that there is a tiled area which appears to have run off ! It actually looks like my view may be of an open air latrine!

The room is basic , a tv with around 10 channels (couldnt see any English) A bed, an ancient refridgerator which would feel at home in the 1970's. A bathroom which appears grubby and dirty with walls covered in inch square tiles again popular in the 70's. These tiles are a mucky brown colour making it look even dirtier than it is!

 

The Nana Hotel situated in the night life area of Bangkok, was renown for having a 24 hour coffee shop and restraunt, great for a pick me up after a night on the town. This has all gone now with notices advising of the new opening hours!

 

Well I doubt if things could get any worse, This hotel certainly couldn't, How can a hotel be so bad yet still stay in business is beyond me...

On a scale of 1 (worst ever) to 100 ( outstanding) this would rate a 1. I honestly dont think I have ever been treated as rudely by anyone in Thailand as I was by the reception clerk. And the accomodation is perhaps the worst that I have encountered in over 10 years of visiting Asia.

Will I return! I can honestly say that the only way I will return to this hovel is if they paid me to, and even then I dont think they could pay me enough to stay!

Over the years this hotel has been in decline, with a gradual drop in standards apparent on each visit. Well it doesnt have any more standards left to lose it has now hit rock bottom!

Room Tip: Avoid at all costs!

2Bacan didn't even book the Nana, but ended up there!

“A dive. Perfect if you intend to pick up prostitutes at the front door. PS: they will let them in.â€

Reviewed April 8, 2015

 

Taxi dropped me off at the wrong hotel (the Nana instead of the Dawin Nana, with is a nice hotel and only a bit more expensive). Sleep deprived, i didn't even notice and walked in and asked for my reservation. Girl at reception couldn't find it (obviously), but mentioned it not to be a problem.

I checked in and went to the room. Clean, but old. Took a shower and it turned out the hot water wasn't working. Took a cold shower and complained about this at reception. They mentioned they would sort it out. Got back and realized i was at the wrong hotel.

Told management about this and even if i'd check out they insisted i'd pay for a full night. I told them i'd refuse as i'd only used it for a few hours (without hot water) and they could still easily rent it out (early afternoon).

I'd told them i'd not pay more than 740Bath (approx half and still too much for what they are offering). They held me back and told me they would call the police if i was not going to pay. I told them that i though that was a good idea. They called the police and after waiting for the police for half an hour, i told them i was now for sure going to leave.

They suggested i would get them a taxi to the police station. I refused, walked out and never looked back. (to be clear, i paid them 740). If it was fair to do so, i'll let you decide.

The hotel. Outdated and over-prised. It's 2 stars max and you can get a 4 star quality hotel a few hundred meters down the road for some $10 more a night.

However if you are going to meet prostitutes, than it's probably the perfect place. The girls are parading in front of the door and reception doesn't seem to matter what you bring back.

Man, I can't wait to get back there. 28 days and counting, counting, counting.

(Not that I'm counting.)

jack

16:57: "He has warts, down there... His dick looks like a corn on the cob."

jack

Ooh, you bugger!

All this newfangled modern stuff's beyond me, Mekong, mate.

jack

I thought this might be of interest. It's seems fairly well-balanced and unusually non-histrionic reportage of a topic close to the heart of most if not all of us here.

(Venezuela, yet surely Thai-related, if only by theme and where one presumes the central head-honcho protagonist got some of his inspiration from, and hence I place it here.)

Apologies if it's been posted/discussed on here before. I stumbled across it by accident whilst innocently looking for hardcore Asian porn.

jack

WHY THE FUCK WON'T THE CUNTING VIDEO EMBED!!!!!

My Mrs is from the North, and she tells me when people would learned that, that they'd invariably tease her by saying Dok Kham Tai.

That's interesting.

I'm from the North of England, and when people learn that, they invariably tease me by saying I'm a tight-fisted drunken cunt.

jack