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  1. So there I was pumping her hard, and my cock is like two coke cans stacked on each other. But I can't seem to get any leverage – so as I put it to her puckered arsehole and finally I'm getting some action, but as it cruelly turns out since we've both been on the peeve for three days, grabbing the occasional som tam or tom yum koong or even rad na, it's like her arse is full of grinding chip shop vinegar spiced with prik naam. In pain my fist flails out and with those sovvies on it – it kind of caught and shattered the glass fire alarm panel, but I didn't notice because I was trying to blow my load. Anyhow like I said I kept pumping and it was coming close god damn it! When someone knocked the door down with an axe and the authorities came charging in. . . Part 2 to follow. . . Quote MultiQuote
  2. Well it's that time of year again - a chance to review 2015 with a calm eye and try to see what 2016 has in store for us all, and particularly Thailand. Do we carry 2015 upstairs and smooth her brow and kiss her nighty night? Or do we duct tape her to a deck chair and kick her back down the stairs? Well I'll leave that up to you. Let's make a master reel of 2015 before we abandon it. I need your help because I've been hermetically sealed, no television - well Thai TV doesn't count, very limited forays on the internet, but I'll still climb on the news horse occasionally if only to watch it stumble blindly through a hedge and end up in the event's ditch. Firstly I'd like to say there isn't a huge elephant in the room, in order to get that out of the way. If you see it you are a conspiracy nut pure and simple. However to distract you, if you are an avid fan of Thai TV, and I only watch it for Nong Natt aka น้องà¹à¸™à¸— these days, there was a little competition called Miss Universe. Their strategy was impeccable - go to Lion City, Singburi the land of heroes, find a beautiful maiden and catapult her to stardom. Thailand last won Miss Universe in 1988, nigh nearly 30 years ago! Which for a country renowned for it's beautiful women (among other things) is preposterous. At this point they had it in the bag already. What do you think of when you imagine beautiful women and Thailand (well apart from that)? Beaches, great food, tropical vistas, impossible blue skies over rice paddies that stretch forever. You think of sanuk. On the wish list to forget are the scammers, the scammers, and the scammers that drive those pollution farting and belching tricycles endearingly called tuk tuks. So what do the geniuses behind the Miss Thailand do? In an ingenious leap of magnitude they manage to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory by making her into a tuk tuk! Oh well back to the drawing board Thailand. The cowardly bombing of the Erawan shrine was a real low point. Tourism was already down but Thailand showed it's resilience. Has Stickman left the building? Haven't been following it, but good luck to Sticky! I guess New Zealand cried out to him - we need you Stickmeister! Thailand -1 : New Zealand 0 (wait this isn't adding up). The ahhh stitch up job law proceedings on the Koh Tao Murders is underway. Heart goes out to the family. The Queen of England gave her 'moments of darkness' speech. Is it just me, but living a whole life in the lap of luxury, why does she have to address the nation like she's just been forced to swallow three tablespoons of stale earwax? Well I'm a lazy bastard really, so I'm hoping board members will chip in, do we kick 2015 down the stairs or kiss it goodnight?
  3. If you want to become truly expert at something, give it about 10 years. Well I've reached that milestone with Thai, and looking back, there are some lessons learnt, so listen up grasshoppers, and even you Thai gurus might learn something as well, so listen up yo'. 1. If your Teerak is speaking in a lingo you can't understand, it's either colloquial, a dialect or a different language (or you're tone deaf LOL). Given your 10 year deadline, just go ahead and learn that as well. I started trying to learn one language, but I ended up learning most South East Asian languages as well. Something I never planned from the outset. However I don't regret it. Your approach may vary of course. 2. Become a scholar of the culture. And I'm not talking about one of those coffee table picture books about temples. Find several good books about different aspects of Thai culture and history and read them. Don't rely on internet posters like me, because to be honest, I'm far from reliable. I won't provide a list because some of them are most likely banned in Thailand, better safe than sorry! Nod, wink. 3. Talk from day one. I am a very sensitive kind of person - a common remark on my school report cards was how sensitive I was. LOL I still mind my Dad reading out a line from one of them, 'displays an amazing and encyclopedic knowledge and understanding of space and the solar system, something the class never studied, but really is far too sensitve'. ' So being a sensitive person I put off talking, afraid of making a prat of myself. But really, that was being far too considerate. When you are in Thailand, always speak Thai first. The only exceptions are when talking Thai will actually make you a prat, like ordering for everyone at the table to a Burmese waitress who knows less Thai than you do. Also, unless you explain that you want to try out your Thai first, it can belittle staff, like at a hotel reception for example, whom are employed for their skill in understanding English. 4. Thai Tv is both your friend and enemy. You will find great joy here. It's where I learnt how to explain an affair as 'sometimes a man wants to eat a spicy takeaway, when the fare going at home is tasty...'. If you use this line, though - I wish you all the luck in the world. Better to have a go-between say it and come in on a wing and a prayer. 5. When you talk Thai be yourself. I like to joke around, but sometimes it gets me in hot water. Checking into a back country resort after a long motorbike ride, I might hit on the ageing Grandmother at the till for instance. Everyone laughs, and more than once I've got the Grand Daughter visiting me late at night to say hello to that nice young Farang! Jing, jing, lol. 6. More like a addendum to 3, but there are situations where it pays to just be a dumb Farang and mimic one who is only just learning. This list is not extensive, but you should do this when speaking to policeman, or most people in authority for example. Why? It's simple, trying to extort money from a water buffalo takes an enormous amount of skill for a Thai person, and potentially humiliating. Do NOT relegate yourself to such a foolish position. Also try not to speak Thai within earshot of other Farang also, owing to my 'sensitivity'. It attracts (unwanted) attention, and questions like where did you learn? The length of this post shows how I can choose to be abrupt, wrong, or just downright rude. Or if I'm in the mood and you buy me several drinks, then and only then will I 'fess up. 7. Well there's plenty more, so there is going to have to be a Part 2. In the meantime, appreciate your comments, and how your efforts to master this mind boggling language are really going. And if you're just starting out - mind this, it might take 10 years, but it's a hell of a lot of fun in the meantime!!! And if you make it so, so will it be - least that's how it rolls in my experience. Good luck!
  4. It's that time of year again, will we put 2016 to bed with some nighty time soft blankets and soothe her brow? Then will we snuggle under the blankets with her and whisper sweet nothings? Or do we cast her out on the street for the lying whore she is? I'll leave that up to you... Thai TV was generally quite disappointingly bad this year. There were some prolonged blackouts, followed by black and white broadcasts. The virus even appeared to affect most Thai websites. I suspect Russian cyber hackers, because the NEWS told me so. Whilst we are on the subject, there is a monkey in a tree that is watching the news, and the most important thing is to watch his little face in high res - the twitter of his smirk, the roll of the eyes, the truth lies in his every facial expression. Mind he is up in a very high tree and when the monkey is peering down the NEWS pipe we must accept all of this without question (don't shake the tree) - or do we? I wouldn't want to get too sentimental, but the death of Bowie was a major blow. On the positive side - help me out! Okay I know science marched on relentlessly and there were several promising things there, otherwise nowt! Of course there is always Chermarn Boonyasak, or Laila. I've always got time for Chef McDang as well with the McDang show continuing to go gangbusters. It's a very slim chance but mukbang might even catch on here, though I suppose it might be called gin taai tot. Would love to see it here in the land of the sap bpa rot. Missing Stickman, we really need a decent wrap up of the nightlife situation - this post is already getting pretty long, so I'll add one in a bit, but if any enterprising fellow, especially the Stickmeister himself might wish to comment it would be highly appreciated! All my predictions for 2016 came true! Trump president, coup in Turkey, oil price dropping to $20 a barrel, etc. Meanwhile other predictions became more solid, China devaluing it's currency for instance - but wait! Predictions will follow. So please advise, comments please are always appreciated - I'm in deep water here, but I've been modelling fairly good models out to 5 years now for a while, lol I've got quite a few cloud servers churning as I type (always good to outsource your problems), so I'll post an advisory on what will be in 2017, and most likely what will be 2022 shortly.
  5. And she thinks she knows the answer. But I'm feeling so low. I've motorbiked into back country to think things through. She doesn't know the answer, but she can see that I probably have it. But I don't know, by christ the things I don't know.. She knows, ha, she knows that I know. But what if she doesn't know that I know?
  6. Well if you tuned in to Thai TV this week it was a ceaseless crying jag. Quite literally. Some young defenseless female children are bullied , yes bullied, then made to cry in almost every scene whilst (mostly) unsympathetic crones, too many crones, and very sympathetic and mysteriously handsome guys (whom are evidently gay), remonstrate, with what is clearly meant to be a kind of - well a gentle get in line you little git, and don't forget it! Or else you'll have to suffer our stilted overblown acting and end up like us! Not sure about you, but I'm a sucker for a crying jag. I'm there pretending like the other guy not to cry myself - but it has become out of hand. Ok sure, easy to criticise these guys, well here you go. Here's my pitch. There is a gold shop with a lot of staff. The clerk tells the cashier he's uncertain about his sexuality. The cashier with a crush tells him she will always love him no matter what. The owner of the shop comes in with Nong Natt and bickers with them for making the gold shop nothing but a low class brothel he contends. Then mercurial as always he astounds everyone by announcing the marriage with Nong Natt. A young (very cute) girl enters the shop. Nong Natt disses her. The young girl cries like a baby. The owner of the shop looks very stern - the very much exemplar of the complete bastard. He says very carefully...........
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