Brink15 Posted November 9, 2005 Report Share Posted November 9, 2005 A dear John email to some anonymous NP member was recently found on the floor of Suk area internet cafe near the printer. If said member is reading this my condolences. "Dear John, By the time you read this, I'll be blowing your best friend. I'm sorry for doing this but, OK, I'm really not. I know this might come as a bit of a shock to you - especially because you're too buried in porn to notice. But I'm sorry ? I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're swell, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a German Scat Aficionado, and I'm not. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat with your feet, and enjoy defrauding the elderly, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is Anything Steven Segal, and your favorite band is Rammstein. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Nuke me some fucking hash browns!". Anyway, I want to date the first drunk barfly who'll talk to me. But you know what? I still want to be acquaintances. We can totally live on opposite coasts . We had some good times, or so it looks on the videotape (even though I'm passed out) . But please, don't be bitter like last time. That means no spiteful genital tattoos. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $37,229 you owe me, or the fact that you dissected my Dalmatian. So take care of yourself - and irrigate that chancre. Stop Calling Me, Noi P.S. I faked every orgasm." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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