Julian2

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 86-year-old said, â??Things are great and Iâ??ve never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc ?â? The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. â??I have an older friend much like you who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day he was setting off to go hunting in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the waterâ??s edge. He realized heâ??d left his gun at home and so he couldnâ??t shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane aimed it at the animal as if it were his favourite hunting rifle and went â??bang , bangâ??.â? â??Miraculously two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now what do you think of that ?â? asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said, â??Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.â? The doctor replied, â??My point exactly.â?Â

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpaâ??s room. â??Grandpa, Grandpa!â? he says excitedly, â??As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!â? â??What?â? said his grandpa. â??Make a noise like a frog because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, weâ??re going to Disneyland!!!â?Â

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, â??Esther, Iâ??d like to ride in that helicopter.â?? Esther always replied, â??I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollarsâ?? One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, â??Esther, Iâ??m 85 years old. If I donâ??t ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.â?? To this, Esther replied, â??Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.â?? The pilot overheard the couple and said, â??Folks Iâ??ll make you a deal. Iâ??ll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I wonâ??t charge you! But if you say one word, itâ??s fifty dollars.â?? Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, â??By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didnâ??t. Iâ??m impressed!â?? Morris replied, â??Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars!â??

Cartoon

The first time I heard that joke the zoo keeper's name was Luigi.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

You forget to mention the guys still getting around LA in Zorro costumes.

A Swiss man is looking for directions, and he pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, k=F6nnen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. They continue to stare. "Praat julle Afrikaans?" The Americans just look at each other. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. Disgusted, the Swiss guy drives off. One American guy turns to other and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew five languages and it didn't do him no good either."

The popular urban legend about the kind hearted farmer who over pays his help to the point that his own return is negligible... in reality he sits on the toy shelf with Pinocchio and Dumbo the flying elephant.

Liked this one.

Crazy Mike the Biker walks into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I've never had three girls at once, and I need something to keep me horny... keep me potent." The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" and says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!" Then Crazy Mike says, "Gimme three boxes!" The next day, Crazy Mike walks into the same pharmacy, right up to the same pharmacist and pulls down his pants. The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices the man's penis is black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places. Crazy Mike says, "Gimme a bottle of BenGay." The pharmacist replies, "BenGay?!?!?! You're not going to put BenGay on that are you?" Crazy Mike says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."