Nervous God

Wiremu, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been

able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd

each walked across the lake to the tavern on the far side for their first legal

drink.

So when Wiremu's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Rangi, took a

boat out to the middle of the lake, Wiremu, stepped out of the boat ...and

nearly drowned! Rangi, just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Wiremu, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross

the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Wiremu's, troubled brown eyes and said,

"Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in

July when the lake is frozen, you f**k-wit and you were born in December,.............."

For Mekong

my son an iPhone for his birthday the other week, and recently got my Daughter an iPod for hers.

Was very happy when the family clubbed together and bought me an iPad for father’s day.

Got my wife an iRon for her Birthday. That was around the time when the fight started...

LIFE IN AN AUSSIE MENTAL HOSPITAL!!!

A nurse walks into a room and sees a patient pretending he's driving a

Truck, with his hands at 10 to 2..

The nurse asks him, 'Kenny! What are you doing?' Kenny replies, 'Can't

Talk right now I'm driving to Melbourne !'

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Kenny's room just as he stops driving his

imaginary truck and she asks, 'Well Kenny, how was your trip?'

Kenny says, 'I'm exhausted, I just got into Melbourne and I need some rest.'

'That's great,' replied the nurse, 'I'm glad you had a safe trip.'

The nurse leaves Kenny's room and then goes across the hall into another

patients' room and finds Davo sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.

Shocked, she shouts, 'Davo what are you doing ??'

To which Davo replies,

'Shhh, I'm shagging Kenny's wife while he's in Melbourne '

Think about it, "The BEach" is now 10 years old, that means those cute silly 18 year olds are now 28, not looking so good (depending on your sex requirements) and far from silly.

Meanwhile Full Moon Parties continue.

I like the music of today, always have, but isn't it time for a change?

Speaking of which, do you think there are any hard core xetians who named a daughter after Oral Roberts?

And there I am thinkin' oral sex

HH - his motto is "I shall never LEAVE"

I haven't been to Silver Dollar for ages, good excuse to go there.

FArkin Brilliant!

5 5 5 5 5 your odds aren't good enough, need to add zero's.

Hey Troy - last drinks where? Which pub/bar?

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: 'Hello'

WOMAN: 'Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?'

MAN: 'Yes'

WOMAN: 'I am at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000. Is it OK if I buy it?'

MAN: 'Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.'

WOMAN: 'I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked.'

MAN: 'How much?'

WOMAN: ' $90,000'

MAN: 'OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.'

WOMAN: 'Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000'

MAN: 'Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $ 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 80 thousand if it's really a good deal.'

WOMAN: 'OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!'

MAN: 'Bye! I love you, too.'

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: 'Anyone know who this phone belongs to?'

Kick Ass was good - bit strange in parts, but good. Too gory for the kids, no way I'll show the junior, he's dangerous enough as is

One of my daughters fav movies -

Jungle soup, no need to be a spectator, wrap it up and play safe.

Union Problems

Muslim suicide bombers in Br itain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this September from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the Br itish Organization of Occupational Martyrs (B.O.O.M.), responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.

General Secretary, Abdullah Amir, told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive, Osama bin Laden, explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace."

"Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting pension benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England , Ireland , Wales , and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas

anyway."

A strike may not be necessary, however, as the number of suicide bombings has been decreasing lately. This has been attributed to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.

Saw book of Eli on the plane, FARK, did the Xtian right wing finance this movie or what?

Saw some good movies on the plane but can;t remember, dam VIVA LA CLIT!

Paul is Teddy's older brother?

Southpark Sex Special was GREAT

LP - God is wartching, need to get some cream for that!

Going to download this South Park Heaven Sex thing, ever since George Burns showed up it's Porn Porn Porn, he blaims the Thais, what a crazy word for "Blessed". One reason I got the job I think.

Just watched Monsters Inc for 4th time since downloading it for God Jnr, in the space of 2 days.

Pretty good movie.

Happy Feet is better the 17th time you watch I've learnt too.

Aren't kids fun the way they watch the same movie 73 times in a row? AND expect the ending to change each time?