Palatkik

The Road

 

(Tip: See it alone at the Cineplex, and you can ask for one for The Road)

An Education

 

Seriously creepy and well acted film, with a great old British car in it! On torrent now.

For something rather whimsical try:

 

Taking Woodstock

It's been reported a large percent of children in the US don't recognize their own presidents face on TV, but do that of Tiger Woods.

 

 

Which is probably true as he is most likely their dad.

Moon with Sam Rockwell :up:

Planning to see Saw VI at the Cineplex.

 

(Not really but try saying it fast!)

Antichrist

Anvil! The Story Of Anvil.

Of Time And The City

Jackie Brown

This Is Spinal Tap

 

all recent torrent downloads (last 2 films are old but I haven't seen them before)

 

Awaydays :thumbup:

JCVD :thumbup:

Think it's time for that old man Eastwood to hang it up. Isn't there some Hollywood Old Farts Home that he could light?

 

Why would anyone want that? He is making some of his best work now.

In The Loop :thumbup:

Bronson :thumbup:

Last Chance Harvey[/url]." Mostly a chick flick. OK, not great

SD

 

Another chick flick Sunshine Cleaning, now on torrent, was popular on our TV the other day. The TG's like a good chick flick with added blood and guts.

 

Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice, " Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

 

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight lipped smile, " Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired. Married,

two sons, both Judges."

 

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce

himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Gunnery

Sergeant, United States Marine Corps, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals.

A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but

halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his

money. He calls home.

 

 

 

"Dad," he says, "you won't believe what modern education is developing.

 

They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog

Ol'

Blue how to talk."

 

 

 

"That's amazing!" his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that

program?"

 

 

 

"Just send him down here with $2,000," the young jackaroo says, "I'll

get him in the course."

 

 

 

So ... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

 

 

 

About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The

boy calls home.

 

 

 

"So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?" his father wants to know.

 

 

 

"Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just won't believe

this.

They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the

animals how to read."

 

 

 

"Read?!" exclaims his father. "No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in

that program?"

 

 

 

"Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class."

 

 

 

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end

of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor

read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the

year, his father is all excited.

 

 

 

"Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him

read something!"

 

 

 

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just

before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked

back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal. Then he

suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still messing

around with that little redhead barmaid at the pub?'"

 

 

 

The father groans and whispers, "I hope you shot that bastard before

he talks to your Mother!"

 

 

 

"I sure did, Dad!"

 

 

 

"That's my boy!"

 

 

 

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.

Shamelessly lifted from a car forum....apologies if you've heard it before

 

While I was flying down the road yesterday, I passed over a bridge only

to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in the wait.The

cop pulled me over, walked up to the car, and with that classic

patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which I replied,

"I'm late for work."

"Right," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," I responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a

rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," I said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up

to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in, I

work side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but

surely stretch, until it's about 6 foot wide."

 

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"

 

To which I politely replied," You give him a radar gun and park him

behind a bridge."

 

Traffic Ticket....£95.00

Court Costs....£45.00

The look on the cops face....PRICELESS!!!

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife

dressed in a very sheer nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can

do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.

 

*****************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and

ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her

lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'

The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff

or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'

 

 

 

 

********************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always

right, and the other is a husband.

 

 

 

 

*************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's

license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician

showed him a card with the letters

 

 

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the

optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'

 

 

***********************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the

convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired

of chardonay.

 

 

 

 

********************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said,

'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many

at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my

gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!

Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen

to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you

CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you

always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The

wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I

don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I

just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'

 

 

An American tourist goes on a trip to China .. While

in China , he is very sexually promiscuous and does

not use a condom all the time.

 

 

 

A week after arriving back home in the States,

 

he wakes one morning to find his "tool" covered with

bright green and purple freckles.

 

 

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor.

 

The doctor, never having seen anything like it, orders

some tests and tells the man to return in two days.

 

 

The man returns a couple of days and the doctor says

 

"I've got bad news for you.

 

You've contracted Mongolian VD.

 

It's very rare and almost unheard of here.

 

We know very little about it".

 

The man looks a little perplexed and says

 

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up doc".

 

 

The doctor answer

 

"I'm sorry, there's no known cure

We're going to have to amputate your "tool".

 

 

The man screams in horror

 

"Absolutely not! I want a second opinion".

 

 

 

 

The doctor replies

 

"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but

surgery is your only choice".

 

 

 

 

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor,

figuring that he'll

know more about the disease.

 

The Chinese doctor examines his tool and proclaims

 

"Ah yes, Mongolian VD.

 

Vely lare disease".

 

The guy says to the doctor

 

"Yeah yeah, I already know that but what we can do?

My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my

tool?"

 

 

 

 

 

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs

 

"Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate.

 

They make more money that way.

 

No need to opelate!"

 

 

 

 

"Oh Thank God!" the man replies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Yes" says the Chinese doctor

 

"You no worry!

 

Wait two weeks.

 

 

 

 

 

Dick fall off by itself! You save money.