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Man at Work

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Everything posted by Man at Work

  1. I am dying to go back to Samui!!!!!!
  2. OOPS Now the banners give me a choice between getting to know a Ladyboy and learning my new favorite language! I hate those decisions! MaW
  3. After all those jokes here _ some were brilliant, some godd and some.... - the best one is todays banner above this threat: "learn biblical hebrew now!" Talking about targetgroup marketing! Lets make a poll: How many of you have enrolled by now? Nice day to y'all MaW
  4. new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could > > hardly speak. > > > > After mass he asked the monsignor how he had > > done. > > > > The monsignor replied, 'When I am worried about getting > > nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the > > water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a > > sip.' > > > > So next Sunday he took the monsignor's > > advice. > > > > At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a > > drink. > > > > He proceeded to talk up a storm. > > > > Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the > > following note on the door: > > > > 1) > > Sip the > > vodka, don't gulp. > > > > 2) > > There > > are 10 commandments, not 12. > > > > 3) > > There > > are 12 disciples, not 10. > > > > 4) > > Jesus > > was consecrated, not constipated. > > > > 5) > > Jacob > > wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. > > > > 6) > > We do > > not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. > > > > 7) > > The > > Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, > > Junior and the spook. > > > > 8) > > David > > slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of > > him. > > > > 9) > > When > > David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, > > don't say he was stoned off his ass. > > > > 10)We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big > > T.' > > > > 11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, > > 'Take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not > > say 'Eat me'. > > > > 12)The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the > > Cherry'. > > > > 13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: > > Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God. > > > > 14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. > > Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. > > Taffy's.
  5. Sick Leave I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted 'Crazy' he would tell me to take a few days off. So, I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb, so that the boss might think I was 'Crazy' and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What in the name of good GOD are you doing?' I told him I was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home and recuperate for a couple of days.' I jumped down and walked out of the office.... When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her,'.. And where do you think you're going.... She said, 'I'm going home, too. You can't possibly expect me to work in the dark!
  6. Not nice Flash :onfire: Thougt it was one of those usual pop-ups and tried to turn it off. Did not go away. Got worried. And Thaaaan realized it was part of your post. Should not play those games with us Krauts Nice Weekend to y'all :bangit:
  7. What is this: It's hanging at the wall making a ticking noise and when it falls down, the garden door closes? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? A funny coincidence! Sorry MaW
  8. What does a shaved girl and Obama have in common? . . . . . . . . . . . . They got rid of Bush?
  9. I have heard them all - over and over again
  10. An Escapee from San Quentin breaks into a home to get new clothes and maybe a weapon. While he his ransacking the house, he finds a beautiful young lady and her husband naked in bed. He ties the guy to a chair and than the gal to the bed. While doing the latter, he bends over and kisses the lady on her neck. After that he leaves into the bathroom. The husband whispers to the wife: "I can tell he is an escapee from prison by his clothes. He may not have had a lady for years and I guess he wants sex with you. I could tell by the way he kissed you on the neck. Whatever he wants, do it. I know this is horrible for you, but it is the only way we two get out of here alive. Stay strong honey â?? I love you." The wife replied: "He was not kissing my neck, he was whispering in my ear that in fact he is gay and kind of likes you. He asked me if we had K2, and I told him, that we had some in the bathroom. Stay strong, I love you too!"
  11. [color:red]Thanks![/color] [color:green]Finally understood this short and exciting Game![/color] [color:brown]MaW[/color]
  12. I thought I destroyed that years ago! How did you get it? MaW :content:
  13. Here is help! Just did not get that "Andy = And he" bit. Nice day MaW
  14. [quote name=The_Munchmaster)"Easy" said the blonde' date=' "Andy sat, Andy watched, Andy waited till his Billy boiled." And the blonde entered Heaven...[/quote] Help me, my Kraut brain does not get this one! Explanation please! Thx MaW (31 and the rest of today!!!)
  15. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... She was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all Dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
  16. [color:blue]A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't have any breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon, for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so, for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat as he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell him, or should I?" [/color]
  17. A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?â? asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for those 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
  18. There is [color:red] another Thainee clip [/color] for all her fans. have a nice weekend MaW
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