Guest Posted August 31, 2003 Report Share Posted August 31, 2003 Hi, I have a small issue with one of my uncles at the moment which I want to sort out sooner rather than later ; The uncle I have has had a lot of contact with Farangs through his work and he therefore believes he understands the farang culture and etiquette! Additionally, given he has decent english he believe he is an expert on learning foriegn languages and how easy Thai should be for a foriegner to learn...On top of this he is a very confronting person, probing and stating what he wants! Therefore, being a foriegner I am expected to speak fluent Thai, eat Thai Food (proper hot Thai food) drink a lot of beer (apparently Germans drink a lot, therefore, I am suppose to!!) and generally I get a drilling for 3 hours!!! Now here is my dilemma ; UNderneath I know he is a nice guy and this is just his way ; however, whenever he comes around I do not want to be his 'dog' where I am at his beck and call (conversational basis) and not have the ability to get my perspective across (I know he understands, but, just simply ignores)! At the same time, I cannot get too personal or heated as that would ruin the family harmony!!!! I have considered the not available perspective, but, he would finally get the picture I dislike his attitude which could displace the family harmony!!! So, if you have an in-law who is confronting and likes to tell you what your not doing the Thai way and what other people do better how would you politely (and not ruining family harmony) to back off!!!!! Obviously I cannot get across the whole picture, scenario in one post and I understand posters can only go off what I am saying on the board.... SB PS As a side note I can only get on the net once a night, therefore bear this in mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosyourdaddy Posted August 31, 2003 Report Share Posted August 31, 2003 dont do anything.. it would not be worth it.. Do the thaiway and take the middle road.. just ignore him and he will get the hint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 The uncle I have has had a lot of contact with Farangs through his work and he therefore believes he understands the farang culture and etiquette! Find a farang book on manners, any book will do it. Ask him if he has read the excellent book written by John Doe. When he says no, tell him you will do your best to get it for him, a very important book about farang culture that all farangs have read. Later, present it to him as a gift, tell him you look forward to talking with him about it when he finishes. Does not matter if he does not read english, he'll never admit that. Just an idea for a difficult problem, but might give you some defenses. When he gets pushy you can blurt out a non-sequitur quote from the book and say "Remember that?" At least he'll be distracted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 Also, this is war, so don't forget to re-read your tagline. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 Do it the thai way: smile, say yes to him, and do as you see fit with your life habits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 When he gets confrontational ignore him and continue to say what you want. Don't argue with him just say what you want and let him deal with it in his way. Thais generally speaking are good at ignoring what they do not want to hear. . .learn how to do the same and you'll probably get along fine with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 Therefore, being a foriegner I am expected to speak fluent Thai, eat Thai Food (proper hot Thai food) drink a lot of beer (apparently Germans drink a lot, therefore, I am suppose to!!) and generally I get a drilling for 3 hours!!! Now here is my dilemma ; [color:"blue"]UNderneath I know he is a nice guy and this is just his way ; [/color] however, whenever he comes around I do not want to be his 'dog' where I am at his beck and call (conversational basis) and not have the ability to get my perspective across [color:"blue"] (I know he understands, but, just simply ignores)! [/color] Sure your Uncle isn't Flyonzewall ??? [color:"red"]Sorry I just couldn't resist [/color] Now jjsushsi has the answer to both, right jj ? When he gets confrontational ignore him and continue to say what you want. Don't argue with him just say what you want and let him deal with it in his way. Thais generally speaking are good at ignoring what they do not want to hear. . .learn how to do the same and you'll probably get along fine with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 yes I have tried this and it gets a little worse as he thinks or more impossible statements / questions to respond to..At least I get into it and start 'pushing' back a bit vs sitting there and taking it and he seems to enjoy it but as mentioned above takes it to the next level, which I am not that interested in doing! Anyway, at this stage I am going to stick with this strategy and speak what I want and ignore what I want! Obviously , not going to an extreme but I am hoping it will work.... The post last night was more of a rant to get it out of the system vs keeping it bottled up!! Thanks for the posts and the general consensus is the most sensisble thing to do! SB. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 1, 2003 Report Share Posted September 1, 2003 exactly, so I am going to take him out on the golf course and whip his butt from the regular tees!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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