Snakes Alive! -- More from the village

[Central Scrutinizer]

All,

 

"Holy shit! Look at that snake in the road! It's freakin' huge!" I exclaimed the other day while driving along the road toward the village, and braked to a stop so as not to hit it, checking in the rear view mirror first. Rather kill the snake than myself and the wife and sis, or someone else driving behind me I hadn't noticed. There crossing the soi was a very large snake, a cobra, a golden, yellowish one, at least six feet long and as big around as my wrist, and my wrists aren't small.

 

"Snake bite you you dead five minutes." states Sis, ever the bearer of good news. "Not make for hospital." Some say the snakes are more afraid of us than we are of them, but this one didn't look very scared to me. It was beautiful, it was stately, and almost majestic, in it's sinuous slither across the tarmac. King of its realm, it was fucking deadly as all hell, and a shiver ran down my spine as I watched it cross before us. Not another vehicle was on the road. This was the fifth large cobra I'd seen in my travels about the countryside of Isaan, snake infested, Thailand, in only a week. Something's going on. Maybe mating season or something, but they are on the move right now. More so than I've usually seen.

 

Wife and Sis swear seeing a snake cross the road in front of you is big good luck. Myself, I consider it good luck I'm in the truck with the doors closed, and my legs and limbs nowhere near these highly poisonous motherfuckers!

 

It makes me maybe want to rethink my trudging about the fields and dikes of the rice fields to get to a fishing hole in my shorts and sneakers, at least for a while while they seem to be so active now. I've seen poisonous snakes in the wild in the states, rattlers as big as this cobra, in the desert of New Mexico and Arizona, and water moccasins in the waters of Florida that would scare the crap out of you as you were fishing for smallmouth bass and the damned snake would chase after a fish you had hooked and were reeling in to the boat. But there seems to be something about the name "Cobra" that brings an instant respect for the creature that bears this name. Seeing one in the wild is a thrill, from a distance for sure, and it's rare they do harm most times. Wouldn't want to step on one, or even near one, myself though. I'm not like that crazy Aussie fucker who chases wild things around, tries to get up close and catch them. As far as I'm concerned he's a looney bastard, a professional looney bastard maybe, but still a looney bastard all the same. Good luck to him, and I hope he makes a bundle of dough entertaining us with his antics. Not something you'd catch ol' Cent doing though.

 

I asked Sis, "You ever know anyone who got bit by a cobra?" as we started back down the soi after the snake disappeared into the weeds along the side of the road. "Sure." she said in all seriousness. "When was the last time you heard of this, of someone you knew?" Sis thought a minute and said, "Maybe four five year ago. Friend me. Snake bite he, he dead quick." I grimaced, "Killed him?" Sis laughed, "Yes, snake kill he dead." I thought a moment and asked, "What was he doing when he got bit by the cobra?" Sis says, "He look frog for eat." Shit. Killed for a frog to eat. I'll stick to the food stalls and Macro for food for my meals I think. Don't care much for frog anyway.

 

My wife bought a shitload of baby frogs for a hundred baht a few months ago. I came back last week from the states after seven weeks away and went to see these future meals in the pen in the village where she keeps them, at her cousin's house. They are humongous! The size of a goodsized bullfrog like we have in the states, and there are now shitloads of them ready almost for the eating. These frogs though aren't smooth skinned like our leopard frogs and green frogs. These fuckers are ugly as sin, look like a hop toad more than a frog to me. Brown and lumpy and nasty looking. Just looking at them crawling all over each other when I picked up the piece of old roofing they all hide under from the sun made me swear not to eat any offered to this ol' boy once they are harvested. I'll go to KFC when they eat these ugly bastards! :-) And I'd bet a dollar to a dime these froggies being here are attracting the goddamned cobras to come near the house! It's what they eat, a favored meal for them.

 

My bitch of a soi dog Star had puppies a few days ago. Eight of them. She had them under a low young banana tree in a thicket of bushes and weeds and overhanging banana leaves. Stupid bitch. Now she won't let us move them somewhere safer. This tree/bush is right next to the damned frog pen. Needless to say there are now only six puppies left. Can't find hide nor hair of them anywhere around. The wife wants to know where the hell they went. I told her as we searched around.

 

"Inside snake I'd bet darling."

 

"No! Why you say?"

 

"Because of all the damned cobras we've been seeing lately, and the fact she has the puppies here right next to the frog pen, which cobras like to eat, and because Star isn't exactly standing guard all night over them. She's a first time Mama, and hasn't a clue really yet. Plus having that cobra in the kitchen a while back tells me they must be prowling about around here at night. The puppies are prime eating for a snake."

 

"You think so?" she says not convinced.

 

"Sure. The cobras are probably Khmer snakes. They like to eat dogs."

 

She laughed, and said maybe I was right. We walked away from the pups and went into the house.

 

Hopefully there weren't any snakes in the fucking kitchen again. I'm gonna have to start carrying around one of those frog hunting tridents with me around the fields and woods.

 

Anyone want a puppy? They're going fast!

 

 

Cent

[dddave]

 

Another great slice of Issan life, Cent. I always appreciate your eye for the details. Your classic "Snay In How" still makes me laugh out loud, even after many readings.

 

Rainy season here in Beantown, the color and leaves will be gone in a week, except on the Cape, of course. Best time of year there.

 

dj

[Khun_Kong]

I still chuckle over or mention "Snay in How" frequently.

 

I actually got an email from somebody this summer titled, "Snake in House". I didn't bother to read it, not recognizing the name and thinking it was somehow related to your story.

 

About 3 weeks later, after a second letter from the same name person, I went back and read the first email. Turns out, it was from the Chinese tenants at a property that I own, complaining that there was a snake in the house one morning and that they were moving. They asked to be let out of the lease and have monies returned to them.

 

I pointed out that wildlife is a fact of life in the area where the property is located, that it COULD be worse and that they were still bound by the lease. Everything worked out OK.

 

Thanks for your many entertaining and informative posts!

[Central Scrutinizer]

DDDave,

 

Thanks. Glad you enjoyed it. It's nice to hear back from the guys who do. I really do appreciate the feedback from you guys, and the time taken to do so. Makes my day, and makes the effort of writing a story all the more easier. Kinda like getting a pay check! :-)

 

Hey, I left Boston at the perfect time I think! Just after the Sox lost, and the weather started turning very cool at night. The foliage was peak and it was very beautiful. But I'm a warm weather kind of guy, and now here in Surin it is perfect weather. Sunny skies during the day, warm, almost hot, and nice cool nights for sleeping. And no friggin' rain! :-)

 

Thanks again Dave. Nice to hear from you.

 

Cent

[Central Scrutinizer]

Khun Kong,

 

Thanks. Glad you liked it. Thanks for taking the time to tell me so.

 

So was this other "Snay 'n How" a poisonous one? Or just the garden variety nonvenomous kind? Hardly a reason to break the lease I'd think! :-) Just had to send the exterminator or shoo the damned thing out and close the door.

 

Hey, if they bitch enough just show them my old "Snay 'n House" story and tell them, "Now THAT'S a snake in the house buddy!" ::

 

Where in the states is this house located if you don't mind me asking? What kind of snake was it, if you know? And how'd you get rid of it?

 

Cent

[Khun_Kong]

Says Cent:

---

Khun Kong,

So was this other "Snay 'n How" a poisonous one? Or just the garden variety nonvenomous kind? Hardly a reason to break the lease I'd think! :-) Just had to send the exterminator or shoo the damned thing out and close the door.

 

Hey, if they bitch enough just show them my old "Snay 'n House" story and tell them, "Now THAT'S a snake in the house buddy!" ::

 

Where in the states is this house located if you don't mind me asking? What kind of snake was it, if you know? And how'd you get rid of it?

 

Cent

---

 

Now, your cobra was a REAL snake!

 

The property is in Charlottesville, VA, near the University of Virginia. Rah Rah, go Wahoos <not really- I hate collegiate sports>.

 

The snake was dispatched, live, to the outer edges of the property by another tenant and my agent. According to them, it was a baby copperhead.

 

The couple had a small child, hence their concern. When I got back, I found Cheerios all over the place, along with many mousetraps. Looks like they or their child spilled cereal in many places, attracting mice, which attracts ...

 

Not unlike your frog farm and puppy snacks!

[mike1000]

Found two Malaysian Pit Vipers in my Pattaya garden over the last few months. Was told although small, they are pretty deadly. One I ran over by accident and the other I dispatched with a garden tool. It nearly got me in the fight.

 

Also two weeks ago in Nong Ki, we were sitting out in the garden eating and this large Blue Krait slithered up a few feet from us, stopped and just looked at us. We all froze in terror and the wife?s brother ran to the house to get a gun and shot it, twice.

He then cut it?s head off to separate the poor creature and dug two big holes to dispose of it. Apparently it is bad luck to bury it in one piece if it has entered your land. He said this snake was very, very deadly.

 

I have nothing against snakes and used to keep the non poisonous Corn, Rat and King variety before I moved here.

?But if they threaten me or the family?

 

A good book on the subject is "A Photographic guide to Snakes and other Reptiles of Thailand, by Merel J. Cox." at 396 Baht.

320 species, many of which are non venomous

[Central Scrutinizer]

Mike1000,

 

Jesus Christ! Malaysian Pit Vipers! In Pattaya?!! What did you use to dispatch the second one? Blue Krait! What the hell. Never heard of this one. I'm gona have to be more careful where the hell I step while out in the boondocks, and maybe even Pattaya when I'm there! :-)

 

Thanks for the tip on the book on Snakes in Thailand Mike. You wouldn't happen to have the ISBN number handy would you? Sounds like a good reference book and I'd love to learn more on the snakes in this country. They are beautiful creatures, and I have nothing against them either, but I surely don't want to get nailed by a poisonous one in the middle of nowhere, hours from a hospital. I had snakes as a kid in New Jersey. Though Mom was scared to death of them and finally got my Dad to make me get rid of them once a King snake escaped for a while. Not the most reassuring words your son can ask, "Hey Mom, have you seen my King snake around? He's not in his cage and I can't find him anywhere." WHAT!!!!!!

:-) Had a corn snake as well myself, and a few garter snakes.

 

BTW, where did you pick up the photographic snake guide? Asia Books? DK books?

 

Cent

 

p.s. Hadn't heard of that one about burying the dead snake in pieces custom for luck if it enters your land. Thanks. Interesting.

[mike1000]

Hi Cent,

 

The ISBN no. is 1-84330-019-2. I got my copy at the bookshop in Royal Garden Plaza. Pattaya.

 

Yes, certainly Malaysian pit vipers in Pattaya, although we live a couple of kilometres up Siam Country Club Road which if almost like being up country.

I took some pics of the vipers and sent them to a snake professor (I found on the internet) who confirmed the species. He told me to be very careful as even with quick treatment you could loose the use of fingers or a hand if bitten in that area.

The tool used was a Maipai, a sort of thick blade on a 18 inch bamboo stick, but have since got a ten foot pole to catch and release them safely.

A chap down the road says he?s had to kill about 20 in the last 2 years.

Lots of harmless Long Nosed green Whip snakes around and have caught a few.

After they realise you are not going to hurt them, they seem to settle down and are quite friendly.

 

Saw a very large bright green snake trying to cross Pattaya?s Beach Road a few months back. I missed it, but saw in my rear view mirror that the baht bus behind got it. Couldn?t stop to identify it.

 

As for Krait?s, there are four species in Thailand, all are very deadly and I heard that many prisoners or war died from bites whilst building the bridge over the river Kwai.

 

Lol, my 6 year old King snake also escaped about a month before I sold up to move to Thailand. Searched everywhere but never did find it. Often wonder if the new owner ever came across it. :: ::

 

Cheers,

Mike.