The Apartment Slide

[Guest]

In Bangkok, the following chain of events is quite common where apartment buildings are concerned.

A new apartment building is constructed and glossy sales literature is distributed, advertising all the usual facilities - in no particular order; ample parking, easy access to expressways, mini-mart, 24-hour security system, sauna & gymnasium, satellite TV, and cleaning service. The place sounds like paradise, and what a bargain at 10,000 baht a month.

Employees are then carefully recruited. The receptionists have toothpaste - commercial smiles, the gym trainer looks like he can have you in shape within a fortnight, and the cleaners greet you with a cheery hello every time you walk by. Even the security guard stands ramrod stiff and salutes you as you nip to the mini-mart for a bottle of milk. And as for the woman in the mini-mart, she’s like the auntie you never had.

All that remains is for the apartment owner to fill the place with residents. Not so easy as he soon discovers. He employs a couple of girls purely to show the rooms off to prospective renters. The girls will unlock rooms on every floor, explain where all the fixtures and fittings are, and answer any questions you may have about rental fees. They will do anything short of dropping to their knees and begging you to be the father of their children. You take one final look around and with a sharp intake of breath “great – I’ll take it”.

In the early days of your new life as a resident at Paradise Towers, something dawns on you – the building is 90% empty (or 10% full as the owner prefers to see it). The months pass by and apart from the Japanese salary-man who has moved in to room number 657 and the seven bargirls that share a room on the first floor overlooking the sewage treatment bay, it feels as though the whole building belongs to you. In effect, it does. But your 10,000 baht a month, although very much appreciated, doesn’t pay salaries, and before too long, everything begins to fall apart.

The security guard is replaced by a cheaper security guard that divides his time between playing his Walkman and taking one of his many daily naps. Most of the time he just isn’t there. The gymnasium manager and the only receptionist that speaks decent English will both quit over a wage dispute. The gym now becomes a place for spiders to practice web-building skills and any interaction with the reception now requires knowledge of international sign language.

The sauna is permanently locked and bolted and the key hangs around the owner’s neck. Access to the sauna room now becomes possible only on every third Friday in a month that has an ‘R’ in it. The mini-mart opens for four hours a day when you are at work, and the ample car-park becomes a gathering place for bare-arsed kids and dogs of questionable generic background. The bill to the satellite TV company doesn’t get paid so the actual satellite dish is replaced by a dustbin lid that can pick up 37 channels in Hindi.

And the final straw – four of the letters drop off the apartment signage and you now have the embarrassment of explaining to your colleagues that you live at –AR---SE TOWERS. Easy access to the freeway does however remain, but I neglected to mention at the beginning that this only applied to helicopter owners.

[ June 09, 2001: Message edited by: Bangkok Phil ]

[ June 09, 2001: Message edited by: Bangkok Phil ]

[Guest]

F#cking hilarious! Thanks for that. Your observations crack me up every time. They're just so true! Why don't you put the content of your site onto paper and get it published, I can see it on the shelves in Asia Books, it'd be the funniest guide around, and probably one of the most useful too.

[bibblies]

I agree with DJ1999J. Your stuff's very funny, true and well-written and there are still quite a few people who prefer hard-copy to web sites.

Even if you published it yourself and got local shops/bars/whatever to stock it, I reckon it could be so popular that you'd make a decent profit.

[Guest]

Thanks a lot lads for the vote of confidence. maybe when I have enough good material I'll give it a thought.

One problem is that I'm my own fiercest critic and I'm never happy with anything that I write to be honest.

[Guest]

quote:

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And the final straw – four of the letters drop off the apartment signage and you now have the embarrassment of explaining to your colleagues that you live at –AR---SE TOWERS. Easy access to the freeway does however remain, but I neglected to mention at the beginning that this only applied to helicopter owners.

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Phil,

An interesting and funny article. the last paragraph was truly priceless! I hope you do write a book, as others in this thread have suggested.

The story reminds me somewhat of how condo sales work in my hometown. The condo eventually gets filled, but there is too much flash and glitz at the beginning. Guess it is the same anywhere in the world.

JG

[spirit_of_town_hall]

Bangkok Phil,

Serious question, when you rent an apartment in Bangkok, how many months rent do you have to sign for and what sort of bond do you put down.

Before I move out to Thailand full time I'm thinking of staying there for 6 months and don't want to get stung.

Do you pay cash, cheque?

Danke Schon

[gene1944]

Originally posted by spirit_of_town_hall:

[QB]Bangkok Phil,

Serious question, when you rent an apartment in Bangkok, how many months rent do you have to sign for and what sort of bond do you put down.Do you pay cash, cheque?

HI, I see you did not get an answer in a week....

I am not Bkk Phil but think I can answer your query. Normally the landlord wants you to sign a one year lease. Normally they will ask for first and last months rent when you moving in. You can pay however you wish depending on where your landlord lives. I do a free transfer to her bank from a branch convenient to me. As noted these are the norms, everything is negotiable in this, "a renter's market".

When I signed my lease for a year, the landlord did not ask for any identity but I rented thru a friend of a friend so might be a different situation from being a stranger.

good luck.

[Guest]

I know of apartments in Thonburi where you can sign a 4 month lease with one months rent as deposit, renewable on a rollover basis.

Photocopy of passport only asked for.

I guess there will be many different systems, the main thing is not to pay too much as deposit. If the landlord "dissapears" just before you want to move away, what do you do????

[Guest]

quote:

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Bangkok Phil,

Serious question, when you rent an apartment in Bangkok, how many months rent do you have to sign for and what sort of bond do you put down.

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Sorry Spirit I hadn't checked the accommodation section for a few days but I can certainly answer your question. It really depends on your price range of apartment. The popular places in the 5-10,000 baht range usually ask for 2-3 months down. Only the real expensive places ask for a year (60,000 baht up)

I have a big apartment renting perils and pitfalls section on my site. I've had numerous problems with apartment owners so I've certainly been there.

http://www.philipwilliams.freeservers.com/page2.html#apartment

[spirit_of_town_hall]

Thanks guys,

Iknow its not the real Thailand, but I plan to spend approx 3 - 4 months in Pattaya later this year. I will be changing employers have some money saved up and will post pone my start date.

This is in preparation for my move next year 2002/ 2003