Part 2 -- ABNT -- But It's My Boring Newbie Trip, Dammit

[Guest]

Listen. If you want to get a sense of what the rest of my 1st trip to Thailand was like, just read Ranger’s post about his 4 days in Pattaya. Yeah, sure.

I am a tourist, for crying out loud. I am well traveled, actually interested in world history and culture, and I want to have a well rounded experience in Thailand. It’s already Day 4, but the more I do, the less

coherent it all seems, including my intentions. I get lost on a busy street somewhere (it was Rama IV), so I ask the vendors and the 7-11 girl for help but no luck. Then I walk into an expensive looking

store and ask the most attractive clerk I find to show me on the map where I am. She’s very engaging and seems eager to assist, and before long there are four women standing around my map who have joined our animated discussion. Intrigued, I keep asking questions as long as I can think of them. 25 minutes later, I’m back out on the street with their handwritten notes about various buses to catch and a crude sketch of the neighborhood, but sadly, I realize I’m still completely lost.

And no, I will not take a taxi. The whole reason I got into this mess in the first place was that I had hailed a cab near Khao San Road to get to Siam Square, but after we passed Hualamphong?! I realized I was getting jerked around and I jumped out when the meter hit 60 baht. To make a long story short, I found the Skytrain after one seriously long, hot and sweaty walk up Henry Dunant.

The evening’s plan is to return to Nana and pick up a bar girl, my first one. I half realize I’m attaching waaay too much significance to this simple transaction. I stretch, do situps and pushups, take a long

shower, shave, check the nose hair. What is this, a date? Finally convinced that I look presentable, I saunter off into the night. Everything is the same at Nana, except me. I’m prowling now, looking for the best possible girl, the optimal experience. Of course, that approach ends up yielding a whole lot of nothing.

Thankfully -- it may have been the beers, or finally walking into an NEP bar with some energy -- I jettison the bullsh*t plan and just decide to let Nana do whatever it’s going to do to me. It’s better this way. I have a beer, I have a laugh, and when she smiles at me then she gets a big smile back,

whoever the hell she is.

Heading out of the restroom after witnessing two naked girls in there laughing and wrestling over what appeared to be a pair of panties(?), I am hit with a big smile from a beauty I hadn’t noticed before. She stops me dead in my tracks, which obliges me to make conversation as best I can. This girl (I’ll call her Ms. Gorgeous) doesn’t look like the typical bar girl at all -- she’s light-skinned, classic Asian features, perhaps Chinese, and looks like a student. Her English is very good, which gives me pause. I

struggle to fix her in this bar-girl universe, to get her to talk about herself at all. She does have a lot of questions for me though (including “are you drunk?” . After somehow passing the 20 questions test, I receive my reward as her hands start to wander. Then it is her turn to dance and she invites me to watch her “make dance for you.”

Well this is fun but something isn’t quite right here, maybe me. I’ve had my “other” eye all night on this sexy Issan cutie (I”ll call her Ms. Khmer), who looks like she stepped down from a stone relief at Angkor Wat and into my life, LOL! I know Thai men probably wouldn’t give her the time of day, but sh*t, she looks awfully fine to me. I want to experience this woman, to have her make sure that I know I’m not in Kansas anymore. I break off the Ms. Gorgeous dance flirt thing and soon spot an opening

with Ms. Khmer. She is complaining to her friend about her stomach hurting, and I catch her eye and make fun of her. A silly pantomime of various bodily ailments ensues, and before long I am seated between them, babbling my brand of horny talk nonsense. Before long, my girl gets up to dance -- all

nude and yummy -- and I pump her friend for information, especially about Ms. Khmer’s sore stomach and whether it precludes her from fully enjoying the scenery back at my hotel room. Assured that she has “good heart” and understands English I stay put for awhile, and before long, my 1st barfine to-be is back at my side, lady drink in hand, raring to go. “I like you,” she says. “You don’t know me,” I say.

“I like you,” she says. “Well, I have good heart,” I say.

It’s obvious that she wants to go and it’s like 1:30 anyway so O.K. “you go with me now.” The whole barfine business seems to please her immensely, and I admit I feel pretty good about leaving the bar with her too. While I wait for Ms. Khmer to change though, I suddenly start to feel self-conscious. Looking up, I realize that Ms. Gogeous has taken in the whole scene and is staring at me. She’s not far away, in fact she’s sitting in a younger guy’s lap but won't take her eyes off of me. Did I face her? Probably, but she’s with another guy after all. I find the stare inscrutable, even erotic. The stare was actually

one the highlights of my trip, though I can’t really say why. I’m certainly not an S&M freak! Anyway Ms. Khmer has returned in street clothes so it’s time to go. I decide to break the Ms. Gorgeous stare with a smile, and she smiles right back. As my barfine and I make for the door, I have to wonder at it all.

Twenty minutes later Ms. Khmer and I have jointly partaken of noodles and are making our way back to my hotel, when she hits me with a marriage proposal (after I had just confessed to being single). This makes me wonder if I’m about to get clobbered with the “girlfriend experience,” but throwing caution to the wind, I agree to marry her, conduct a brief and unintelligible ceremony, and tell her that as man and wife we must now “go honeymoon.”

Back at the honeymoon suite things do get a tad hot and bothered. We make out like two like high school sophomores on the bed (I do love this!), then hit the shower where she proceeds to give me a soapy handjob that felt so good I finally had to ask her to stop. More carnality ensues back in the

bedroom, and I just have to go down on her if for no other reason than to admire the view :-) This eventually progresses into a 69 and when she sucks my balls into her mouth, well that sort of pushes the

pleasure/pain threshold a bit. I decide to return the favor by playing with her ass and this doesn’t seem to bother her at all. Before long the covers are ripped off the bed, and as the night wore on, I tried to

do all the positions I could think of, but the best one might have been the one she thought of, where we sit facing each other and she goes like a jackhammer while we manage a sloppy kiss and ...OK OK you

get the point.. I hope :-)

The festivities eventually wind down -- it must be after 4 -- and the bar girl from Khorat and her satisfied customer are watching a movie together on Cinemax, the one where John Travolta plays a lawyer (Civil Action? please don’t ask me to remember, I hate the movies!). The subtitles are in Thai and Ms. Khmer keeps a running commentary going, one I find endlessly fascinating. Forget the plot or

the characters, my girl stares intently at the TV and says things like “Amerigaa family good, I like falang baby,” or “handsum man, he like lady,” and so on. I resist delivering my usual sermon about the evils of

Hollywood and commercial culture, opting instead to cuddle with my sweetie, and drift off into a deep and sound sleep.

[To be continued..I hope]

[Guest]

Please continue...I am enjoying your reports...very much....long time....