Some More Shit-More Village Life Tales-part 4

[Central Scrutinizer]

Some More Shit

More Village Life Tales

(-Part 4)

June 20, 2000

 

After climbing in the passenger side of the truck, and moving it back some so the Chang poop wouldn't be a problem for entrance to my vehicle, I follow my little laughing hyena inside.

"No really darling. Do we have a shovel or something so I can get the elephant poop outa the street?" I implored my lass. "We haveta get rid of the Chang doo-doo next to the truck." Her eyebrows meet as she processes my English to Thai in her lovely head and asks me, "What poop? What is doo-doo? What you say darling?" I realize now that I don't know the word for shit in Thai! (I learned later it's kii.) Oh horror! I must remedy this as "shit" is one of my favorite words in English! Has been since I was just a wee lad bent on becoming a professional, big boy, potty mouth.

It's a word that is an intricate part of an American man's daily English vocabulary. And probably a Thai guys' too! Think about it! "Oh shit! What is this shit? Who's shit is this? Hey, move that shit will ya! I ain't eating this shit! Who cooked this shit anyway? Shit on this! I don't give a shit! Shit on you buddy! What kinda shit is this?! Don't you be giving me any shit now! Who the fuck you think you're shitting? Hey, would I shit you? You gotta be shittin' me! Did you see that shit! I don't believe I'm hearin' this shit! What the shit are you talkin' about? This shit's gotta stop right now! I can't take this shit anymore! Shit man, you see what I mean? Shit, I'm gonna have to learn this shit in Thai! Definitely an intregal part of any thinking man's vocabulary! Shit!

I grab my lady's hand. Bringing her outside, I point to the pile in the street, and say, "That is poop. That is doo-doo, and we gotta get rid of that shit!" "No ploblem." she says to me as if I'm retarded, turning and going back inside. "Hmmm. Why's she giving me shit?" I think as I follow her back in. "Whattya mean no ploblem darling?" I ask her. She tells me, "Man come take. No ploblem." Huh? I dig a little deeper into this, and she explains that there is someone who will take the shit away. For fertilizer, or some such shit I guess. Must be the Poop Mafia! Actually I get an idea. And damn did that hurt! Next time I'm bringing some tomato, and cucumber, and zucchini seeds with me, and I'll plant a small garden next to the house! Imagine the size of the tomatos elephant poop fertilizer will grow ya! I'm serious, don't laugh!

Thus enlightened, and with thoughts of pumpkin sized tomatoes dancing about in my skull, I return to enjoying the fruits of zymology, and open a fresh beer. I put on another c.d. and go back to reading my book for a while in front of the fan. Damn it's hot. I nod a bit. I waken to the smell of fine Thai food cooking, and grab some dinner after showering quickly.

While eating this wonderful repast I'm startled by a sudden rumbling blast of sound that shakes the walls and rattles the dishes on the table! Jesus Christ! What the hell is that? Music? Sounds like a Pink Floyd concert is being held across the street! "What's that music darling?" I query my lass straining to hear her reply. "That movie!" she answers with a smile, excitement in her voice. "Huh! What movie? What do you mean darling?" I asked puzzled. "Movie come to village!" she informs me. "Big party tonight! We go see movie later okay?"

Movies in the village? What's this shit all about movies anyway? And why the hell's the music so freakin' loud?!! (to be cont.)

Later shitheads,

        Cent :-)

(The Central Scrutinizer)

You can contact Cent at:

C-BERG-X@webtv.net

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Copyright © 2000. Author Michael P. Seaberg. All rights reserved.

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